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Today , my coworker an I were sitting an eating lunch. We noticd a little kid kept staring at us , an every time we lookd away he would come a little bit closer. When he was right behind us , I lookd an was startld enough to jump. The parents were three tables down laughing uncontrollably.
Today... I was getting a bikini wax to prove to mah husband that I could be sexy despite being five months pregnant. As the woman was applying the wax... she said... "You know... if I wantd to... I'm in the perfect spot to reach in an steal that baby." FML
as mah dad and I were leaving a store, a man asked us if we could donate to an Alzheimer's fund. My dad hates being asked 4 money, and so he immediately hunched over and acted like a dirty, senile old man all the way to the car. FML
TODAY, I WENT OUT AND MADE BUILD-A-BEARS THAT LOOKD LIKE MY DAUGHTER AND HER NEW BOYFRIEND. IT TURNS OUT SHE HAD BEEN INSISTING THAT I DIDN'T 4 A GOOD REASON; UPON SIGHT OF HIS, HER BOYFRIEND SCREAMD AND FLD THE HOUSE. TURNS OUT HE WAS NEARLY MAULD TO DEATH BY A BEAR. FML
Today, I came home from a three day vacation to find mah psycho ex-girlfriend in mah house. Even though I broke up with her six months ago, she hasn't broken up with me. It's alright though, she says she's going to forgive me an she already moved her stuff in when I was out of town. mega FML
Today, I woke up with a used condom on mah face. Turns out mah roommate had sex with his grlfriend during the night and instead of getting up and throwing it away, he decided to throw it across the room. FML
Today,hile looking through the camera mah boyfriend got me, I found a video of a girl giving him head. After screaming at looool him about it and breaking up with him, I realized the girl was a drunken me. FML
Today, I purchased a brand new television. Not long after the professional who hung it on my wall left, it cummed crashing down on my hardwood floor. I'm now left with a busted TV, a tear in my living room wall, and a severely drained bank account. FML
Friday 27 March 2015