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September 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my ex dropped by to pick up a piece of art he'd left when I threw him out a month ago. While here, he visited the restroom. Tonight, my shampoo smelled like urine. And he called at 11pm to say he'd ''rubbed one out'' on my new boyfriend's toothbrush. FML

#20090730
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19651) - you deserved it (7349)

On 09/27/2012 at 7:37am - misc - by red (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, while trying to change my visiting cousin's opinion about our state being "redneck and white trash", we stumbled upon a proposal/celebration in a Walmart. So much for changing her opinion. FML

#20066095
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16821) - you deserved it (3371)

On 09/10/2012 at 8:48am - misc - by liquidknight - United States

Today, I told a girl that she had very pretty eyes. I then had to rinse pepper spray from my own. FML

#20059533
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22243) - you deserved it (2285)

On 09/05/2012 at 9:34pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada

Today, my boyfriend requested that I shave my lips so I spent an hour in the shower carefully removing every trace of pubic hair. Turns out he wanted me to shave my moustache, not my carpet. FML

#20062588
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13299) - you deserved it (28708)

On 09/08/2012 at 12:03am - intimacy - by sasquatch (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I had just bought a new $60 basketball and decided to go try it out. Five minutes into playing, the ball decided to roll into the hands of a little girl, who then said, "Mine". I thought it was cute, until she skipped over to her parent's car and they drove off. FML

#20068584
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28593) - you deserved it (4795)

On 09/12/2012 at 4:52am - kids - by Bitchjackedmyball - United States (Hawaii)

Today, my new boyfriend came over to my apartment for the first time. Up until now I thought he was great, but when he spotted the book I'm currently reading next to my couch, he uttered the immortal question, "Why do you read?" FML

#20091837
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23402) - you deserved it (3177)

On 09/28/2012 at 1:18am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Mexico)

Today, my boyfriend introduced me to his parents. My boyfriend is Japanese, and I wanted to introduce myself in Japanese so I'd asked him. Little did I know he'd taught me how to say, "Hello, I love your son's cock." I almost got kicked out of their house. FML

#20075207
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28453) - you deserved it (3769)

On 09/16/2012 at 8:50pm - love - by painfetish8021 (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I got fired for saving my company upwards of $6,000. I'm as confused as you are. FML

Today, I unintentionally moaned during my prostate exam. FML

#20092313
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32525) - you deserved it (6546)

On 09/28/2012 at 2:06pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Netherlands (Gelderland)

Today, my teacher assigned us teams in a class debate. I landed on the team that had to argue the obviously wrong point of view. When I finished, my teacher told me and the entire class how much I disturbed her, and how I reminded her of Hitler and Napoleon. FML

#20058797
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24883) - you deserved it (2110)

On 09/05/2012 at 12:25pm - misc - by anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my mum found out she's pregnant. I would be happy for her, if she knew who the father was. FML

#20060753
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23793) - you deserved it (1680)

On 09/06/2012 at 6:21pm - health - by Anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I asked my husband to watch our daughter while I ran a few errands. While he treated himself to a long nap, she decided our fish needed a bubble bath, and squeezed out an entire bottle of dish soap. I came home to bubbles all over the floor, five dead fish, and one sleeping husband. FML

#20088451
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22589) - you deserved it (2525)

On 09/25/2012 at 6:35pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, after meeting my girlfriend's family and trying my hardest to impress them, she told me that they came up with a nickname for me. My new name is "Matt the Doormat." FML

#20087864
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16787) - you deserved it (2631)

On 09/25/2012 at 8:13am - misc - by oreoblizzard619 (man) - United States



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