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September 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, while my husband and I were arguing, he walked away in the middle of my sentence yelling, "Remember babe, you're only my current wife!" FML

#20064293
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23929) - you deserved it (4512)

On 09/09/2012 at 4:34am - love - by JB (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, my girlfriend told me what turns her on: cheese. FML

#20090283
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19642) - you deserved it (2463)

On 09/26/2012 at 10:29pm - love - by - Canada (Ontario)

Today, in the middle of sex, my boyfriend sighed, said "I can't do this any more" and pulled out. After repeatedly asking him what was wrong, he basically told me that I suck in bed. Apparently, the way I "just lie there" makes him feel like a necrophile. FML

#20092519
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12167) - you deserved it (45116)

On 09/28/2012 at 5:22pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada

Today, I had a date with a guy from the Internet. I'm 6ft1, which tends to put potential dates off, so I'd slyly knocked a few inches off my description. Turns out he'd done the same. He'd added a whole foot to his height. I had to crouch to talk to him. FML

#20071299
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21492) - you deserved it (13189)

On 09/14/2012 at 4:26am - love - by TallGal (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, my girlfriend learned that calling someone a "stupid bitch" under your breath while staring right at them from six feet away works very differently in my house than at hers. She also learned my sister has one hell of a punch. FML

#20084737
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30606) - you deserved it (11803)

On 09/23/2012 at 7:01am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I found a tiny, featherless baby bird. I knew it was impossible, but I tried to keep it alive through the day. Before I could get it to the wildlife center, it died, and when I got all choked up over it, my mom started laughing at me and saying how "weak" I was. FML

#20077707
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26152) - you deserved it (4389)

On 09/18/2012 at 12:19pm - animals - by Birdwatcher (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I got stopped by the fuzz. The officer told me he "could care less" about my excuses. He was probably about to let me go without a ticket, but my inner Grammar Nazi kicked in and I explained why he meant to say "couldn't care less." I got the ticket. FML

#20075636
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8399) - you deserved it (43606)

On 09/17/2012 at 12:47am - misc - by GN (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my mother shared my phone number with my brother, despite my explicit wishes that she didn't. He immediately went and put it on Craigslist and several other websites. This is the fourth time I've had to change my number for that very same reason. FML

#20066134
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27949) - you deserved it (2206)

On 09/10/2012 at 10:14am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I got into an argument with my mom over her sexist, emotionally-abusive boyfriend. I told her that either he goes or I go. She called me a disrespectful bastard for not respecting my "new father." I'm now sitting outside a McDonald's with my suitcase, leeching their WiFi. FML

#20063189
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32875) - you deserved it (2417)

On 09/08/2012 at 1:27pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I had my boss over for dinner. Knowing that I was angling for a promotion, my fifteen-year-old son spent the dinner uttering lines such as "What's the point of showering before bed?" and "Bitches ain't shit but hoes and tricks." My boss was not impressed. FML

#20051346
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21890) - you deserved it (4348)

On 08/31/2012 at 7:16pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I dropped a whole batch of penis-shaped cookies on the floor. Then I thought, "5-second rule" and started eating them. And then I realized that I was home alone, in pajamas, eating broken dick-cookies off the floor. FML

#20081762
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23855) - you deserved it (13002)

On 09/21/2012 at 3:31am - misc - by RawrSparkle (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I realized my husband and I have been fighting a lot lately, so to show him how much I care, I got a tattoo with his name on it. He hates it. FML

#20057350
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7585) - you deserved it (49781)

On 09/04/2012 at 12:44pm - love - by noname1025 - United States (Colorado)

Today, my ex dropped by to pick up a piece of art he'd left when I threw him out a month ago. While here, he visited the restroom. Tonight, my shampoo smelled like urine. And he called at 11pm to say he'd ''rubbed one out'' on my new boyfriend's toothbrush. FML

#20090730
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22446) - you deserved it (7805)

On 09/27/2012 at 7:37am - misc - by red (woman) - United States (Oregon)



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