Today, I was strolling past an old women when from behind she called "can you help me get the rest of the groceries out of the car?" I approached the car, and helped her un-load bags. She began hitting me, screaming "SOMEONE IS STEALING MY THINGS". She was actually asking her son in the car. FML

by LGFLIPSTER / 08/30/2009 at 11:32pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had to meet with my landlord to organise when he was coming to look at my flat and decide whether I get my deposit back. In the time it took to see him, my friend drank a bottle of vodka and vomited all over my room and knocked the window through. My landlord is coming in the morning. FML

by Robbins / 08/30/2009 at 10:51pm / United Kingdom (London) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was at my favorite Mexican restaurant when I realized my really cute waiter, along with his buddies kept looking at me and smiling. Trying to be cool, I took a bite of my burrito, choked, and spilled ground beef down my new shirt and in my bra. They laughed the whole time. FML

by pootythe5th / 08/30/2009 at 2:09pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had a stressful day at work and decided to go in the jacuzzi. I hadn't used it for a year, so it was a little dirty. After I cleaned it, filled it up, and jumped in, I pressed the jets. Immediately, thousands of dead moths shot out at full speed towards me. FML

by mel / 08/30/2009 at 11:23am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was brushing my teeth in my bathroom. As I looked in the mirror I spotted a zit on my forehead. Keeping my toothbrush in my mouth, I quickly lean in towards the mirror to pop the pimple meanwhile lodging my toothbrush down my throat. I temporarily can't talk. FML

by Mirroronthewall / 08/30/2009 at 11:22am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had to buy another pair of 'fat jeans', because my old 'fat jeans' became my new 'skinny jeans'. FML

by FML / 08/30/2009 at 10:15am / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, my friend and I went to a bar for drinks. I noticed this cute girl and went over to say "Hi." I had a great conversation with her and I asked for her number before she left. She passed it to me on a piece of paper with instructions specifying for my friend to call her and not me. FML

by hihipanda / 08/30/2009 at 8:58am / Singapore / Miscellaneous

Today, I finished moving out of my apartment and decided to clean the fridge before I left. I pulled out a drawer that I never used and was shocked to find a moldy, rotten, decayed watermelon. I remembered that I had bought a watermelon the first week I moved into the apartment. Four years ago. FML

by rydawg79 / 08/30/2009 at 2:29am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, my best friend informed me that I could not be her maid of honour because I "wasn't as pretty as the other bridesmaids" and she wanted her wedding photos to have "consistency". FML

by deadmedia / 08/29/2009 at 8:39pm / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous

Today, I came back from a two week vacation. As I walked in the door, my boyfriend greeted me with a "Hey, honey! Could you clean the crockpot?" It still had the chicken in it from my going away dinner. FML

by ClydeBarrow / 08/29/2009 at 7:44pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I saw a fight so I went over to try and break it up. Someone thought I wanted to join in, so he gave me an unexpected whap in the happy sacks, and I also got a bloody nose for my troubles. FML

by deven / 08/29/2009 at 6:58pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out I was getting a new bed for my room. Then find out it was my great-grandmother's. The one she died in. FML

by Jonnyboo / 08/29/2009 at 8:13am / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous

Today, it was my father's wedding. He never really cared for me, and his fiancée is my age, but I thought it would mean a lot to him if I went. I was supposed to wait for his call the day before, so he would give me directions and tell me when it starts. He never called. FML

by kkiv / 08/29/2009 at 3:21am / Poland (Warszawa) / Miscellaneous