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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I saw a roach on my toilet. I thought it would be funny to pee on it. It jumped out, which scared me; I hit my head on the wall and started bleeding, then I peed all over me and the wall. FML

#6884813
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9204) - you deserved it (44819)

On 12/22/2009 at 2:18pm - misc - by funyfunkid (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I discovered that my bed has a flea infestation. I discovered it after sleeping naked in it for about an hour. FML

#6883824
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27011) - you deserved it (5705)

On 12/22/2009 at 1:02pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I gave my wife her anniversary card. She started to giggle then walked in our bedroom and came back with the exact same card from last year. This is the second time I've done this. FML

#6881233
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9494) - you deserved it (32905)

On 12/22/2009 at 8:03am - misc - by todayJman03 (man) - United States (Hawaii)

Today, I finally got my wish of having snow on my birthday. Excited, I failed to realise this meant that no one could come to my party, including myself as we were all snowed out of town. What did I spend my 18th doing? Tidying our house. FML

#6881049
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27401) - you deserved it (3646)

On 12/22/2009 at 7:15am - misc - by JD300 (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I came home from my 2 week trip to Florida. At the airport, the door said "Enter Only", while a sign above it said "Do not enter." Long story short, I got arrested for "disobeying signs." Nothing says "Welcome home" like being arrested. FML

#6880463
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28059) - you deserved it (4503)

On 12/22/2009 at 5:08am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I spent my day alone while my parents and siblings were at school and work. Trying to be helpful, I cleaned out the fridge, did 5 loads of laundry, worked outside, fed the pets and made dinner for the entire family. The evening was spent hearing complaints of how wrong I did everything. FML

#6878679
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38369) - you deserved it (3050)

On 12/22/2009 at 2:01am - misc - by sadcinderella (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, my mom and I had to shovel our driveway after an epic snowstorm that left us with 22 inches of snow. We only needed to dig out my mom's car and not mine. After we did all that work and shoveled all the snow onto the side where my car was we found out my mom had a flat tire. FML

#6872316
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24895) - you deserved it (3043)

On 12/21/2009 at 8:48pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I got fed up with the amount of hair on my feet, so I went to get my foot hair waxed off. When I removed my socks, the waxer laughed the amount of foot hair. I'm a 18 year old female and it appears I have feet that were last seen on Big Foot. FML

#6872030
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26494) - you deserved it (3827)

On 12/21/2009 at 8:30pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I took the train home. When seated, I suddenly noticed something wet on my seat. Without looking, I thought it was water since it was snowing outside. Guess again. It was vomit. FML

#6868813
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26172) - you deserved it (6681)

On 12/21/2009 at 5:36pm - misc - by herzausstein (man) - Belgium (Limburg)

Today, I had given up on finding my makeup bag with cell phone and iPod my mom had bought for me recently. So I went to art to join the group of girls with whom I share the back art studio of my school. One of them was talking about how she'd ripped off some bitch's stuff, and she held up my bag. FML

#6867947
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36720) - you deserved it (2787)

On 12/21/2009 at 4:48pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was at a family party and everyone was seeing my new glasses for the first time. My 48 year old uncle told me that I look like a hot librarian and then grabbed my ass. He was still sober. FML

#6865964
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35420) - you deserved it (2723)

On 12/21/2009 at 2:30pm - misc - by frapples1 (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I was hanging out with my ex's new girlfriend. I found out he was dating us both at the same time and was comparing between us. That is why he broke up with me two years ago and is still with her ever since. FML

#6865910
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23886) - you deserved it (3528)

On 12/21/2009 at 2:26pm - misc - by fml333 (woman) - Saudi Arabia

Today, I updated my Facebook status to "It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood." My cousin, seeing the status, failed to pick up on the sarcastic humor. She called all my family members and tell them that I was pregnant. Including my husband in Iraq. FML

#6864986
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31113) - you deserved it (13059)

On 12/21/2009 at 1:12pm - misc - by notpregnant (woman) - United States (Virginia)



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