Today, I'm stuck in a hotel with my psychotic mom, all because she swore there were "demonic" noises coming from our oven. Yeah, our oven is totally possessed, you idiot. FML
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Today, my mom was in a really bad mood, so I stayed in my room to avoid her. It didn't take long before she barged in and started bitching about my dog, who'd pissed her off by acting too happy. Yes, she's actually that insane, and I have to deal with it on a daily basis. FML
Today, my mom came over for dinner. She lost her mind, screaming and yelling, because my oven melted the dollar store cooking dish that she insisted on using. Never mind the fact I’m going to have to pay a couple hundred, if not a thousand dollars for a new stove. Oh no, she’s out a whole buck. FML
Today, I took my girlfriend home to meet my parents. My dad was having a bad day and was rude from the outset, but things went to total hell when he started screaming that he'd "kill" our microwave if it didn't "shut the hell up". My girlfriend now thinks we're a family of abusive psychos. FML
Today, after I told my roommate last week she needed to find a new place to live because I thought she was psychotic, she set my house on fire. FML
Today, my mother thought it would be funny to sneak into my room at night and scream like a demon, after I'd explained to her how scared I was of The Exorcist movie I had just seen. She claims it wasn't her. FML
Today, my mom wants me to get an exorcism because piercings, tattoos, my own car, my own career, moving out of her house, and wanting zero contact with her from now on are "sure signs of demonic possession", maybe even the influence of Lucifer himself. FML
Today, my mom admitted to me that, when I was a baby, my grandmother kidnapped me and took me to the priest to perform an exorcism, because she swore I was the "spawn of Satan." FML
Today, my dad screamed at me, called me a monster, told me he wanted me to move out, and that I better start looking for an apartment. Why? I slammed the microwave door. FML
Today, my pyromaniac sister somehow got her hands on my dad's lighter and set my bed sheets on fire. My dad said I must have provoked her, and that she can't be blamed for her mental condition. So now I'm grounded, and she has a new doll house to calm her down. FML
Today, I was trying to cook a pizza for lunch at my in-laws. I preheated the oven and took my dog out to go potty. I come back in to find the house filled with smoke, the detector going off, and a fire in the oven. Apparently, my mother-in-law left a tray of glass candle holders in it. FML
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Top comments
badgrandpa 9
pretend to fall asleep and then act like you got possessed
eternal_malaise 10
Give her a list of your favorite baked foods that are known to repel demons.
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Comments (105)
badgrandpa 9
pretend to fall asleep and then act like you got possessed
greeneyebeauty9 28
Yeah, not a good idea. Seeing how crazy the mom is, who knows what'd she do to someone who she thought was possessed.
junkman6 22
#2 this woman thinks because she sucks at cooking and lights everything on fire the oven is possessed. She's likely to drive a stake through her child's heart if he pretends to be possessed. Not going to lie I would love to hear a news anchor try to tell this story with a straight face.
pizzzah 9
that is really bizzare and psycho of your mum but I don't think you should call her an idiot. she is still your mum
cocainewhore 30
#69 just because she is OPs mum, doesn't mean she isn't an idiot though. OP can say what they like, and the mum kind of is an idiot for thinking the oven is possessed.
SmilerVamp 6
I don't think she is an actual idiot. If you read the FML properly you would know that mom of OP is psychotic. That's actually a mental disease. During psychotic episodes she can see and hear all kinds of crap. OP is actually lucky she only thinks the oven is possessed....
pandaxlove64 12
Anyone can be an idiot. Just because it's someone's parent doesn't make them any less of one
cocainewhore 30
#85 I suffer from paranoid schizophrenia, and can honestly say I have never thought that an oven was possessed. If this was the case with OPs mother then I'd assume it would be mentioned, rather than referring to her as an idiot, but I'm sorry if I came across as rude.
DrippingSarcasm 20
Beware the oven-demons!
Isandri 29
You may laugh, but in fact OP's mother should se psychiatrist, such behaviour may be schizofrenic, it's nothing to laugh about. Op take care of your mather instead of being mad at her!
stretchedthin 20
Did you tell her to say the power of Christ compels you? Hahaha
ArcticDead 12
The power of Christ could cook for you though
armonicavita 13
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Try to ease her mind by proving that there aren't any demons in the oven:)
hashshim 23
How exactly does one prove the absence of demons?
skcmcpk 14
make devil food cake and leave it in the oven for an hour. if its still there then no demons are in the oven
TXFernwoods 26
You should try to get your dad to come pick you up (if he can). Stay strong OP!
chutney_02 22
Go along with it, it'll make for a great story
eternal_malaise 10
Give her a list of your favorite baked foods that are known to repel demons.
Mauskau 35
Angel cake might work.
Cwizer 17
Fire in the belly of that beat!!!
Miss_Latina 13
You can always try out the hotels gym or pool so you won't be stuck.
_kyleG_ 34
I remember last time this happened to us, we had to get our toaster exorcised, with special holy water distilled from the tears of simpletons.