Today, like every other day for many years, I have a phobia of bananas. This evening, the phobia came to a head when I had a nightmare in which I was stabbed to death by a gang of walking bananas. FML
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Today, I found a banana on my bed. It was black and shriveled because I accidentally left it there after I thought I finished the whole bushel I bought last week. I've been sleeping in my bed all week and didn't notice. FML
Today, as I have been for 10 years, I'm allergic to fruit. After an argument with my mother, she yelled, "Here, have a banana and go kill yourself!" FML
Today, my grandmother threatened to kill herself with a banana. She then got angry with me when I didn't attempt to get the banana away from her. My mom punished me because I didn't take the situation seriously enough. FML
Today, I was walking to school. When I was about halfway there, someone put a gun to the back of my head and told me to give him all my money. As I slowly turned around, I saw it was my dad putting a banana to my head. FML
Today, I was sitting on a bench at the local park, eating a banana. A guy old enough to be my grandfather walked by, turned to look at me, then said "Young man, I wish I were that banana." He walked away, and I almost blacked out choking on it in shock. FML
Today, I tripped on an actual banana peel and fell over in front of my crush. I'm pretty sure that's the closest I'll ever come to being a meme. FML
Today, at a concert, I got into a fight with a man in a banana suit. FML
Today, I got slapped in the face by my girlfriend with a banana skin, because I finished up the chocolate cake. FML
Today, I woke up screaming "FUCK OFF!" because I had a dream that someone threw broccoli through my window. FML
Today, I actually slipped on a banana peel, cartoon-style, breaking my kneecap and dislocating my hip. I will never hear the end of this. FML
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Top comments
rockne93 17
Orange you glad you aren't afraid of bananas, guys?
WFFLPWND 10
You must peel very bad... (I'm so sorry I have to)
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Comments (170)
rockne93 17
Orange you glad you aren't afraid of bananas, guys?
FangirlingAlways 14
Strange phobia. I'm guessing that it is from a childhood experience.
DoctorRoche 11
Orange you glad we didn't thumbs down that bad pun?
garrett1999o3 16
#13 I can imagine that in my head right now. OP: Steve! Stop feeding me your banana!
rockne93 17
#18 Calm down there buddy. If you want to talk shit, go to the toilet store.
DoctorRoche 11
Rocknee you mad bro?
Awesome58422599 19
It would suck if your boyfriend had a curved dick.
Redoxx_fml 22
Where's you get these puns the toilet store?
Fermion 20
Well he isn't alone! Pythagoras had a fear of beans AND lived in Greece. Could you imagine how rough that would be for him? Everyone has a phobia strange or not.
stewpididiot 11
At first I thought it said 'wanking bananas' !!!
Sinistra_Blue 12
Pythagoras had a fear of beans? I thought he was just afraid of theorems. *Ba dum tis*
Goldenchest 14
Am I the only one who got 49's reference?
mrhe3t 9
Nope, and it's actually kind of funny but hey, he was being a dick.
incoherentrmblr 21
God forbid your bf uses a banana flavored condom on his curved member...
WFFLPWND 10
You must peel very bad... (I'm so sorry I have to)
\ 28
Banana Terracotta Pie, anyone?
Enslaved 36
What did the banana say to the vibrator? "Why are you shaking? It's me she's going to eat."
\ 28
I assume not many here got the System of a Down reference...
clemsi 20
I did. ...and now I can't get the song out of my head
Ambient25 24
this shit is bananas. B-A-N-A-N-A-S
JocelynKaulitz 28
Make like a banana and split.
kaitlynjane 28
A System of a Down reference down voted.. And a shitty pop song reference gets up voted? Yep. The world has officially gone to shit.
squideth 18
138 shut up you pretentious ****.
SonOfAMitch 14
Going bananas, eh OP?
zandalee 19
Take revenge! Make a massive banana smoothie and make evil giggles while slurping it down.
stephhrunsaway 21
That hilarious moment when my sis almost chokes to death on her peanut butter and banana sandwich after I read her this FML.
Redoxx_fml 22
Wasn't this on an episode of courage the cowardly dog?
mcr2000 11
like that episode of zack and cody
nickn426 14
There was a show I watched as a toddler "Bananas in Pajamas" That was some freaky shit man.
kmccain 27
#4 that's exactly what I thought of reading this.
Eternal94 10
Is that the tv show about two bananas that name banana A and banana B ?
applebramble 22
I can't believe no one has mentioned the minions! ):
DoctorRoche 11
This isn't a phobia at all.. Bananas are ******* terrifying.
CobraLazerFace 21
Brazilian gangs in a nutshell. They be ghetto blasting the Chiquita Banana jingle all over the favellas.
Zelphoric 25
Bananas are okay... I fear banana slicers much more o_o
Helpfulman 17
Dat peel tho.
nick3600 22
A banana molested me :(
TyT63 12
you came to the wrong bananahood mother ******
garrett1999o3 16
Your joke is bad and you should feel bad!
emirie 21
I thought it was brilliant.
ViktoriaaKills 13
You must have loved Bananas in Pajamas.
HelloooooNurse 20
Now that damn song is in my head :(
duhhspammerx3 16
I guess you could say OP was going bananas ;)
SonOfAMitch 14
Thank god no one has made that joke on this thread. Oh, wait..
duhhspammerx3 16
Damn. Thought I'd get to that joke before anyone else. Better luck next time, I guess!
GGregoire 16
Don't feel bad, I still have nightmares of bananas in pajamas
slappygecko 21
Pizza pizza momizza, bananafanaboCANNIBALISM
Sports_guy3 28
What the hell?! Stop drinking. Now.
XxCrimsonxX 2
I will find you. And I will force you to eat a banana
dovahconn 12
you are truly evil