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Man or woman?

Today, I was in one of those lucid half sleeps with my boyfriend. Not fully awake to control myself, I ripped ass. I had no idea what to do. I pretended to still be sleeping. I'm pretty sure he noticed because he patted me on the back in a congratulatory sort of way. FML

#3486
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20960) - you deserved it (5671)

On 01/29/2009 at 7:13pm - love - by amg85904 - United States (Ohio)

Today, the girl who I have had a crush on for 2 years snuck up from behind me and gave me a hug. I farted very loud at the same exact time. FML

#3168
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31709) - you deserved it (4399)

On 01/28/2009 at 6:02pm - love - by john - United States (Kansas)

Today, I was feeling sick, so I called my boyfriend who lives down the street to come and keep me company. He replied with, "no, I can't come over, I'm busy, I'm playing xbox." FML

#3102
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21004) - you deserved it (4437)

On 01/28/2009 at 2:51pm - love - by vidzgrl - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I went to a birthday party at my girlfriends house. When her little brother was about to blow out the candles I slipped my hand into her sisters back pocket and squeeze her ass, thinking it was my girlfriend. She freaked out and now her family thinks I'm a pervert. FML

#2985
27 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6859) - you deserved it (28348)

On 01/28/2009 at 7:15am - love - by dieold - United States (Utah)

Today, my cheater of an ex-boyfriend sent me one of his many messages proclaiming his new-found love for me, and in the middle of it asked me how my period was going. FML

#2979
30 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21562) - you deserved it (1793)

On 01/28/2009 at 6:47am - love - by uninspired - United States (Illinois)

Today, my friend mentioned a book that reminded her of me, when I asked what it was called she said "He's just not that into you". FML

#2931
16 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18323) - you deserved it (1852)

On 01/27/2009 at 7:17pm - love - by Oh really - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I got a text from my roommate asking me if it was cool that my ex was coming over to console him because he's sick. FML

#2860
13 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20124) - you deserved it (1595)

On 01/27/2009 at 2:41pm - love - by dammed - United States (New York)

Today, I was on the phone with my boyfriend for an hour listening to him talk about his new truck and his final exams. I literally did not say a single word. Just as I said, "Hey baby, guess what happened to me today?", he says, "Can I go to sleep? I'm too tired to guess. Night." FML

#2840
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27080) - you deserved it (3666)

On 01/27/2009 at 12:58pm - love - by fthis - United States (Colorado)

Today, three girls introduced themselves to me. I had met all of them before. FML

#2788
19 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25096) - you deserved it (2309)

On 01/27/2009 at 7:24am - love - by aere - United States (California)

Today, I was at a party and spent the whole night bragging to my friends about how I thought this girl was totally into me. As we were leaving, we saw the same girl making out with my ex. FML

#2760
18 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8089) - you deserved it (19710)

On 01/27/2009 at 1:33am - love - by dlova - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I tripped over my own shoelace after explaining to my boyfriend that my shoes being untied were good luck for me. He then took that as the grand opportunity to tell me that we were breaking up. FML

#2742
21 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20986) - you deserved it (6716)

On 01/26/2009 at 8:54pm - love - by CaptainSosuke - United States (California)

Today, the only guy who I ever thought liked me for my personality said he had something important to tell me. Later I got an e-mail from him saying he is "worried about me because I lack the skills to get along with other people." FML

#2741
10 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17058) - you deserved it (2648)

On 01/26/2009 at 8:32pm - love - by kai - United States (California)

Today, I was watching 'Tool Academy' with my girlfriend. When asked which Tool I would be, I replied with Power Tool. She then stated I would be 'Tiny Tool'. I'm 240 pounds. I don't know if she was calling me fat, or saying I have a small penis. My best guess would be both. FML

#2732
24 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18768) - you deserved it (3934)

On 01/26/2009 at 7:21pm - love - by soundbox - United States (Florida)



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