Today, I was together with a few of my friends when I got up the courage to confess I have an eating disorder. One of my friends then said "... but you're not skinny." FML
I agree, your life sucks (23789) - you totally deserved it (3711)
On 11/09/2009 at 2:55am - health - by vanessa_d15 (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
nice friends OP. It's okay, a lot of people have eating disorders. And an eating disorder isn't always just starving yourself.
#97 - On 11/09/2009 at 5:10pm by A1L12E4X26
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Um maybe you should work harder at your anorexia? Either that or you meant you like the calories? please clarify: Are you:
A) Failing at having an eating disorder and are simply average and attempting to jump on the bandwagon or
B) Fat.
Wow #129, you really are an idiot, aren't you?
Eating disorders aren't all anorexia. There is bulimia too (characterised as the presence of binge periods, and then excessive restriction/fasting/exercise/purging afterwards). Diagnostically, it's important for doctors to note that patients with bulimia may be very thin, normal weight or fat. And then there's EDNOS (eating disorder not otherwise specified).
You can't fail at having an eating disorder, and nor should anyone be encouraged to 'work harder' at their anorexia! Eating disorders come in many forms, and all are definitely not fun to deal with. Eating disorder doesn't just mean starvation, it means DISORDERED EATING, encompasses a whole range of things.
#130 - On 11/10/2009 at 2:34am by fireandice27
Maybe your friends meant that you don't look like an ugly twig.
Or you just fail at being bulimic.
#131 - On 11/10/2009 at 2:48am by crazytoaster
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So you got all of your friends together so you could tell them you have an eating disorder and how much more attention they should pay to you now. Then one of the more uncomprehending ones commented on the fact that you're fat. Do i have it straight?
Please get the hell over it now.
#138 - On 11/10/2009 at 8:36am by Carnivwhorus
That's when you say to her, "and you're not intelligent."
#4 - On 11/09/2009 at 10:17am by laughing_zebra
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what a waste. you should at least not be a fat ass if you have an eating disorder.
#5 - On 11/09/2009 at 10:33am by Crapsickle
that's actually untrue.
an eating disorder doesn't necessarily mean someone is starving him/herself, it's just means there's a disorder in their eating patterns. So someone that eats too much or too greasy, can also have an eating disorder.
think before you speak, kthx.
#8 - On 11/09/2009 at 10:38am by unfortunate_13
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# 8 "kthx" You totally sound intellectual enough to listen to. Although I don't disagree with what you are saying, don't assume you're always right jackass.
#21 - On 11/09/2009 at 11:16am by just_me_tmp
How the hell did unfortunate_13 "assume they were always right?" They made a good point, and just because they wrote "kthx," you're going to assume that they're a jackass?
#21 you know "Don't disagree" is a double negitive statement and is therefore just a useless waste of space, like you! jackass.
#119 - On 11/09/2009 at 10:08pm by Flamersplamer
#119 "Don't disagree" doesn't necessarily mean "agree." Hence, it is a valid statement. He just might not be taking a stance on the position, which he clearly isn't, merely posting to attack someone's quirks. Your grammar and spelling is also off. Think about this notion, before you attack someone's statement for errors.
#8 clearly, OP is talking about an eating disorder along the lines of anorexia nervosa, bulimia, and binge-eating rather than "I can't eat purple food!" Any commenter shouldn't have to be questioning of everything when certain things are implied. If I say that my shiny flashlight allowed me to read my book. It is implied that my flashlight is on and shining on my book rather than me reflecting light off the shiny material of the flashlight to see my book.
#127 - On 11/10/2009 at 12:32am by krnmafia92
If someone has bulimia, they actually don't usually lose a noticeable amount of weight, but keep their normal weight, so the disorder is not easily detected. Open a book.
so...i guess honesty isnt the best policy? maybe she should have said "but on the upside you look SO THIN in that dress. omg im jealous."
#7 - On 11/09/2009 at 10:36am by organisedchaos
Well she can easily be bulimic... most bulimics are normal to overweight because neither puking or laxatives is an adequate loss of calories... your body learns fast and after two or three pukes, it knows what to do. So imagine binging on tons of food and then puking it out only to have your body retain the calories before you can get it out; naturally, you would gain weight! And the reason people don't stop this even when they see they're not losing weight is because it is a form of ADHD (strong impulsivity) AND the body gets used to you throwing up all the time, so its hard to quit. Oh, and craaaaazy water retention.
#16 - On 11/09/2009 at 11:00am by angiechaton
You can be bulimic to the point where you lose alot of weight... some people just dont throw everything up.
#61 - On 11/09/2009 at 2:08pm by mystomachurts
mystomachhurts- If someone who has binge-purge behavior is losing a significant amount of weight, they probably have binge-purge type anorexia, not bulimia. People with bulimia are generally of normal weight, or even somewhat overweight. People with binge-purge type anorexia tend to be clinically underweight and stop having menstrual periods (if they're women). There are other more subtle distinctions, but those are the main ones.
ADHD means attention deficit and hyperactivity disorder which has nothing to do what you said. I think you used the wrong thing here?
You're friend's a witch.
I guess if it's not working then you should try to control your eating disorder. That's a major plus side. If your doing it and it's not working, then screw it!
#10 - On 11/09/2009 at 10:39am by Stevieebabyy
wow, your friends are assholes. I've been through that so I know how hard it is to open up to people.
Most people think eating disorders are just for skinny anorexic chicks because the disorder of eating too much has become normal.
Your friend sounds mean and ignorant. Try explaining to her though; it was tactless to say, but maybe she doesn't know anything about eating disorders. But don't try explaining if you don't feel like sharing or confiding in her, because you would regret confiding in her.
I had an eating disorder too; it sucks, and so does the aftermath. Get help. *hugs*
#14 - On 11/09/2009 at 10:57am by dol567
No. Time for talking is past. Cunt punt that bitch.
"Explain? I think not. 'POW'"!
#100 - On 11/09/2009 at 5:55pm by Plumppotato
guys, not all people who have eating disorders have to be skinny...
it's either they eat way too much...or they decide to starve themselves or force themselves to throw up what they ate because they think they're too fat.
and OP i'm sorry about that, i think your "friend" is such a bitch. just sayin'
#15 - On 11/09/2009 at 10:58am by peroxideprincess
/facepalm
a) Typically if you have this kind of disorder, you're in denial and/or don't want help. She could have some destructive tendencies because she wants attention, whereas actual anorexics want to control something in their lives and have a really fucked up body image.
b) You can still eat very few calories a day and become malnourished if you're overweight, but the actual diagnosis is to be 85% of the healthy weight, and you have to have missed three straight periods.
c) She could also be bulimic and/or a binge eater.
#17 - On 11/09/2009 at 11:00am by happyvalleygirl
Your friends are stupid! If you need someone to help you get through your eating disorder I would try to talk to a shrink instead of relying on your friends.
#18 - On 11/09/2009 at 11:02am by Starfire22
To #17 -- I'm assuming that she's bulimic, as more people are bulimic than anorexic, and apparently she's not scaryskinny. Anorexia is the more known disorder, because it makes more "sense," but bulimia is so much harder to tell and therefore more people have it.
Also let's not forget EDNOS...
#20 - On 11/09/2009 at 11:11am by dol567
Many people have EDNOS without even knowing it. It doesn't even cause a problem, for the most part, and usually corrects itself with minor life changes.
#25 - On 11/09/2009 at 11:38am by girlygirl666
An acronym for Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified.
#31 - On 11/09/2009 at 12:15pm by Darksect0r13
EDNOS certainly does cause problems. It's hard to predict what, though, because if, for example, you fit all the definitions of anorexia but you're not clinically underweight, that's EDNOS. Or it could just mean that you're unhealthily obsessed with eating "healthily." Binge eating disorder technically falls under EDNOS as well.
rofl bahahahahahahaah #1, by far the most lamest "first" ive seen yet. ive been first but never took it to that... " o m g" level :)
You should have told the friend that your eating disorder isn't anorexia or bulimia, it's that you can't stop eating her boyfriend's junk.
Wow, I am sorry Op. Eating disorders are hard enough to defeat without the negativity of "friends." I hope you overcome this without losing your sense of self. I am proud of you for seeking help. Just don't be a loser and use this as an excuse not to take control of your life and live it well. No sense in letting friends bring you down. You need to understand your own body and your own self.
"Obesity" is not an eating disorder in and of itself. Binge eating is an eating disorder that may or may not cause someone to be considered medically obese.
Erm no pun intended there btw, just kinda realised that. And im not suggesting the OP's obese, just that her friends an ignorant bitch
You should have looked at her and said.. "Well I may be fat but you're ugly, at least I CAN diet" Eating disorders are not fun or healthy, I hope you get the help you need.
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why did you tell you decide to just randomly blurt it out to your friends, what were you expecting them to do for you, force feed you? deal with it privately, its your problem not theirs, dont burden them with it?
#35 - On 11/09/2009 at 12:25pm by feminist19
what are they people who will force feed her? or prevent her from getting sick after eating, no she has to do it herself with professional help
#37 - On 11/09/2009 at 12:32pm by feminist19
whoa, whoa, whoa. HOW THE FUCK can you call yourself a FEMINIST if your advice is to deal with an EATING DISORDER PRIVATELY. you stupid fuck! you give feminists a bad name.
wtf? deal with it yourself? If you believe that, you're neither a feminist nor a good human being.
#114 - On 11/09/2009 at 8:36pm by greenfairy
I agree, as much as friends would like to help, sometimes they don't know what to do, or they might feel caught in an awkward situation. Don't throw something that delicate onto your friends, just tell a doctor - someone who can /actually/ help you.
#156 - On 11/13/2009 at 5:39pm by bgpink
Dear OP,
Please seek out immediate professional help for your disorder. I have extensive experience dealing with this issue through a former girlfriend of mine, whom I helped get into rehab for her disorder. Please know, this is very serious. Eating disorders are often fatal, but are normally not reported as such because they create causes of death such as renal failure and heart failure. This is especially true in the case of bulimia, where frequent vomiting may destroy electrolyte imbalance, which acts as a "spark plug" of sorts to keep your heart regulated.
If you are in college, there are generally programs available on campuses that can help. Please also see a counselor who is SPECIFICALLY TRAINED in this issue. These people tend to also deal with addiction issues, as eating discorders, sex addiction and alcohol and drug addiction and abuse tend to be related in causation and sometimes are comorbid. Here is a link to one of the premiere treatment facilities in the country- http://www.rosewoodranch.com/ They are a very good inpatient and outpatient resource, and someone there could probably help you if you gave them a call.
You did a very brave thing telling your friends. Please do not be discouraged; people rarely understand the addictive tendencies of these disorders. Please know, that is not your fault, there is a chemical and social mechanism at work in you that does not exist in most people. I guarantee, however, the same thoughts and reactiosn taht trigger your disorder are shared by other people with the same disorder. They are universal among the disease. You can take charge of your recovery through seeking the advice a medical and psychological professional to alter those influences. It does work; I've seen it.
Best of luck to you.
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You spelled "that" wrong.
#76 - On 11/09/2009 at 3:47pm by TheHeroOfTime
So then your saying that friends arn't allowed to know because they can't help? Maybe she just, wanted them to know? She didn't say she was fishing for sympathy
Support, maybe? Everything I've ever heard and/or read about eating disorders has said that a good support system is a must if the person wants to recover.
#62 - On 11/09/2009 at 2:09pm by BLNovelist
they now have the burden of having to worry about her without being able to do anything about it, she needs proffesional help, they cant do anything, your arguement is so weak you can only answer my questions with a question back
#44 - On 11/09/2009 at 12:46pm by feminist19
So if you have friends and you're not supportive of one another, what the heck is that like?
Friends would be there to offer helpful suggestions, encouragement, and resources. If it's a group of friends, one's bound to know where good help is located. One might have an eating disorder herself (they're really common). Friends are there so when the person needs help, she can call and say, "Hey, I've got a lot on my mind and was just wondering if I could talk to you for a bit." The friends might not need to say or do anything; just listening itself works wonders.
Keeping it inside is the worst thing to do, especially with eating disorders. Without an adequate support system, chances of recovery are very slim.
My arguments weak when your so insicure about your own you have to attack mine to justify it?
Maybe her friends can support her, or cheer her up, or at the very least now they know she's going to see her doctor and not blowing them off when she says she can't come to the mall. Your friends are suposed to be there for you in anyway they can be, whether they can really help or not, knowing they have your back makes a huge differance.
If one of my friends had a problem half as serious as the OPs im damn sure i would want to know even if all i could do was worry about them, it's called caring about somebody. Do you even have any friends?
i didnt attack yours you commented on my post first?
if she cared about them she wouldnt want them needlessly worrying about her?
yes i have friends, well done.
#46 - On 11/09/2009 at 1:05pm by feminist19
My *argument's* weak when *you're* so *insecure* about your own you have to attack mine to justify it?
Maybe her friends can support her, or cheer her up, or at the very least now they know she's going to see her doctor and not blowing them off when she says she can't come to the mall. Your friends are *supposed* to be there for you in anyway they can be, whether they can really help or not, knowing they have your back makes a huge *difference.*
If one of my friends had a problem half as serious as the OPs *I'm* damn sure *I* would want to know even if all * could do was worry about them, it's called caring about somebody. Do you even have any friends?
Love,
GrammerNazey
#121 - On 11/09/2009 at 10:28pm by Harry_Poochi
LOL... You fail. Not only do you go around not posting anything relevant to the topic at hand, but you're sole purpose was to attack someone else's grammar. Besides the fact that you missed many grammatical errors in the post you attempted to correct (like run-ons), you're an idiot for not knowing how to spell. It's GrammarNazi, not GrammerNazey. I'll give you the benefit of the doubt for the Nazey part (maybe you were trying to be cute and ended up failing), but only a person who doesn't know better says "grammer." Is that someone who weighs things in grams?
@OP Their honesty doesn't mean that they don't support you. Clearly, you fail at having an eating disorder, so you should try not having one and see how that works out for you again. And obviously, we are not talking about something along the lines of anorexia nervosa, bulimia, and binge-eating rather than "I can't even purple foods."
#125 - On 11/10/2009 at 12:25am by krnmafia92
You see, there is this thing called irony. http://lmgtfy.com/?q=irony There you go.
And I was just fixing spelling/grammar. Correcting run-ons and what-not is too much effort.
Oh, and by the way, it's "but *your* sole purpose."
Love,
GrammerNazey
#128 - On 11/10/2009 at 1:03am by Harry_Poochi
"Clearly, you fail at having an eating disorder, so you should try not having one and see how that works out for you again."
Psychology FAIL.
Geez, those of you thinking that an eating disorder is something you can turn on and off: if that's how it worked, people wouldn't have eating disorders. They're miserable, damaging, sometimes fatal... no one would choose a life like that. You're talking about a serious illness like it's a sport or something. Go educate yourself.
OP, I know it was the last thing you wanted to hear from your friends but many people think you have to be skinny to have an eating disorder; its what your friend may only know about eating disorders. Explain to her what is happening to you, and no doubt she will support you. She will learn and you will gain valuable support.
If she doesn't support you, or refuse to learn and help there is plenty more support out there. Get to a doctor/counsellor/help group. You're not alone in this although you may feel that you are.
I wish you the very best, good luck OP.
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Busted. If you are going to pretend to have a fake problem just to get attention, you ought to at least try and look the part.
#48 - On 11/09/2009 at 1:16pm by ozymandias
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#48 is the most rational comment on this FML.
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I know, I agree with this all the way. I hat those eating disorder posers.
#86 - On 11/09/2009 at 4:19pm by scateice
You accused my argument of being weak for answering your question with a question?
Maybe she simply needs the suport her friends can give her, most people simply don't have the strength to deal with all of lifes hardships alone, i know someone such as yourself must consider that pathetic but thats life
Feminist you're a dumbass
For one, if i had a friend who was struggling through something i would want him/her to talk to me because it is a proven fact that when you talk out your problems or share how you feel is always healthier than trying to deal with problems alone. I can post all the studies done on it if you want me to.
Second, She has a freaking eating disorder and many times friends like to go out and eat together and do stuff and when she either makes excuses not to go or just talks about food all the time or something that can either get annoying for them or they might get offended so it's better for them to know why she is either ignoring the dine outs with them or why food is always on her mind. It's not just about the eating out part, but with eating disorders people also feel like they need to hide and don't like to go out at all. So friends might be curious to why they're always being ditched or ignored.
btw you must be a sucky friend and a sucky person if you feel that it's so stressful to just be a good listener when someone needs to get their feelings out and just need someone to talk to.
Plus people don't automatically trust doctors and strangers with their problems like that so it's better to talk to a friend about it because that is someone to feel comfortable around and then from there either with the encouragement of the friend or by getting use to speaking about your feelings, a person can move on to a doctor/psych.
Guys, can you click reply rather than writing whole new posts? That way those who want to follow the argument can and those who don't want to can just scroll through it.
it would be easier to talk to a doctor/professional about this than to your friends? they are experts in this area and her friends are just regular people with no idea how to handle the situation or help her. i'm just saying they will just be either worrying about her and unable to help or will become very awkward around, sometimes its best to deal with things privately.
and your right i am "a very sucky friend", thanks for that important observation, as for the dumbass remark, whats is your problem you dickhead
#63 - On 11/09/2009 at 2:13pm by feminist19
You didn't think to ask, check my name, i'm a psychologist. And info bomb for you it's much easier to deal with the problem of any mental disorder including eating disorders if you admit you have it to your friends and family and they support you through the process of ridding yourself of it. While i agree this girl needs profesional help it wouldn't suprise me if she was already getting it and her doctor/psychologist hadn't suggested to her that she tell her friends as that would be a standard step to take.
And you clearly have an attitude problem, chill out
Not registered yet if im honest that takes a LONG time, i'm training to be a cognitive/behavioural clinical therapist. Still, i had an assignment on anorexia and bulimia nervosa last year, which i submited and got high marks for. And even if i hadn't, i think it's safe to say unles your folowing the same or similar career path you should go shush now, even the laymen see the flaw in your argument. Your clearly an angry girl with a lot of hatred inside for the people around you, why are you so determined to be independant, nobody can stand alone their entire life, why do you think jobs in therapy even exist.
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fatty
#51 - On 11/09/2009 at 1:28pm by anonymous69
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Ever stop and think that maybe you're not skinny? Get over it. You're not a snowflake.
#60 - On 11/09/2009 at 2:04pm by blackhawk465
actually letitbe56 if your posting from the iPhone u can't reply to other ppl 's comments, just tried it myself.
feminist, i'm sorry but I have to disagree with you. True friends usually want to support each other when they are going through tough times, so it's not wierd or messed up that she would let them know about her eating disorder. I know that with my good friends we always tell each other when were going through tough times and support each other. that's what friends are for
#65 - On 11/09/2009 at 2:43pm by Starfire22
Aw, I'm sorry to hear. That's horrible. Get better friends is my advice.
#71 - On 11/09/2009 at 3:17pm by rachel_parker
I highly doubt this is fake, since I've experienced it. Looking back, I know that I was actually TOO skinny (93 lbs as a fourteen year old?! Not skinny?!) but at the time, I thought they were right and kept "dieting." OP, there WILL be people to help you out. You just have to find them... and then lose the people that did that to you.
#73 - On 11/09/2009 at 3:27pm by pentameter
No one ever said this was fake. I find it sad that people on FML immediately resort to debating whether an FML is fake or not now, even when no one has accused the OP of lying.
And even if it WAS fake, who cares. This is a website. Built for entertainment. Because, sadly, people find enjoyment in other people's misery.
Well... maybe she meant that you weren't overly skinny like most people assume everyone with an eating disorder is? Or maybe she's just a bitch. I don't know her, so I can't say.
But anyways... to all the people hating on the friend--don't. You don't know her. You don't know if she meant it in a mean way or if it was an accidental slip--maybe she didn't know how to respond to finding out that a friend of hers has an eating disorder and she worded things wrong. Don't act like you always know the right thing to say and the right way to say it, because mistakes happen. Maybe she meant it how it sounded, maybe she didn't. I doubt any of you know the girl in question... so...
"I spoke my mind and tried to be respectful."
I agree. The friend should never have said that given that people with eating disorders are very sensitive to feedback about their bodies, but I can totally imagine a scenario in which she wasn't calling the OP fat, especially if she doesn't realize that people can have eating disorders without being clinically underweight. She just may have been surprised or upset that she hadn't noticed, or even confused if what the OP said didn't fit with her understanding of what an eating disorder is.
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you deserve it.
you fail at having a fucking eating disorder.
#81 - On 11/09/2009 at 4:08pm by lololol111
You could be obese and still be anorexic just because you act like one. Anorexia shouldn't be treated only when the person who suffers from it becomes to skinny to look human and be healthy because that means it's "too late".
OP, I really hope you'll find support. I've suffered from many eating disorder and I know it's hard to fight against them when noone realizes.
#84 - On 11/09/2009 at 4:18pm by All_I_Need
Technically, be clinically diagnosed with anorexia, you need to be 15% underweight or more (DSM criteria). However, you're right--if someone who is obese or overweight is starving themselves or exercising too much, they need treatment just as badly as someone who meets the diagnostic criteria.
Isn't there a difference between anorexia and anorexia nervosa though? Yes, you have to be 15% underweight to have anorexia, but anorexia nervosa is the psychological aspect of it, which you can have regardless of your actual body weight.
hey dumbass, ever heard of BMI? That's the normal weight for an individual. Dumbass....
#99 - On 11/09/2009 at 5:42pm by scateice
Lem0n-You're right about the nomenclature but wrong about your interpretation of the distinction. "Anorexic" simply means "not eating." Someone fasting for religious purposes could be termed "anorexic." Anorexia nervosa is the clinical disorder, and the DSM criteria include being clinically underweight, having a fear of gaining weight, having a distorted body image, an amenorrhea (lack of menstrual period in a sexually mature woman).
Mj- While a BMI is actually a pretty good measure of how healthy one's weight is, you're right, some healthy people will fall either below or above the parameters. (I myself am technically "underweight," but I'm perfectly healthy with normal eating habits, so believe me, I understand.) No one is going to be diagnosed just by their weight alone--they have to meet the other criteria as well.
People with some eating disorder symptoms who don't meet all the DSM criteria are said to have a partial-syndrome eating disorder, or an eating disorder not-otherwise-specified (EDNOS), and they are included in the DSM as such. While certain insurance companies won't pay for the treatment of these disorders (because health care in our country sucks...not too surprising), the psychological community takes all kinds of disordered eating very seriously, particularly since if you catch a disorder before it becomes critical, it's much easier to treat.
In my country, anorexia (the eating disorder of course) can be diagnosed before you are underweight (or at least, I know someone who had been diagnosed before being underweight). But people generally don't do anything because "anorexic have to be deadly skinny" so those who suffers from it are rarely diagnosed or considered as "attention whore" though they do have a problem. Many death could be avoided if people believed those who realize they have a problem before they go too far.
#140 - On 11/10/2009 at 9:04am by All_I_Need
Some people on here are disgusting excuses for human beings. When someone admits to an eating disorder, you don't make a comment about their weight. Why do you think they have that disorder in the first place (in most cases)? Right. Because they're insecure about their size. Whether or not she's thin, that isn't the point. Saying something like that is only going to trigger them further, which is not something that a friend is supposed to do. One of my best friends has been dealing with an eating disorder for the past few years now. She gets better, and then she relapses. Comments like this would definitely trigger her.
And I agree with Psychs. You need a support system in order to get better. You need friends who will hold you accountable and make sure you're not destroying yourself. If you're a true friend, you'll deal with the "burden."
OP, I hope you get better soon. Find some friends that will support you through this, go seek professional help, etc.
#88 - On 11/09/2009 at 4:29pm by animejen1988
Okay, maybe her friend was just being mean? Dude, you dont know what her friend's idea of what 'skinny' is. Anyways, if you read anything above, you would realize that a eating disorder doesnt mean your a super skinny anerexic chick. It just means you eat at an unhealthy pattern. Ya'll need to stop being so freaking mean. I bet $10 she isnt even fat, she just is having problems at the moment.
Hon, your friends are just being rude about it. they probably thought you had to be 75 lbs to have an eating disorder. Dont let them bother you.
#91 - On 11/09/2009 at 4:50pm by bethechange
I would bet you $20 that the OP is fat. The problems she has at the moment are: her fat, her love handles, and that bucket of butter.
@OP You're an idiot if you believe that an eating disorder could be the way to get skinny. Bulimics tend to gain some weight, and anorexics can sometimes become bulimic or end up binge-eating. Maybe, before you underwent such a major decision to change your body, you should have put in some research. Sure, they have a warped image, but why treat it by eating like a fool? How about you get off your ass and exercise?
#124 - On 11/10/2009 at 12:16am by krnmafia92
You're quite stupid you know. Some people actually BECOME fat BECAUSE of their eating disorder, especially bulemics or people who alternate between anorexia and bulemia (because their body stock fat quickly to prevent the next anorexic phase). And having an eating disorder is not a choice !
#141 - On 11/10/2009 at 9:07am by All_I_Need
I'm so sorry about everyone posting, and your stupid friends who should go die.
I went through the same thing when I told my 'best friend', she said "Well, you know, you're still kinda... Big." And I wanted to kill her, saying things like that only makes it worse. You don't even feel good enough to have an ED, it's sad.
But I'm sure, OP, that you are beautiful and wonderful and you deserve better than all this.
I wish you all the best and I hope you get the support and help that you need. It was strong of you to tell them in the first place.
I'm hoping the best for you, stay strong.
#95 - On 11/09/2009 at 5:02pm by TinyBard
that really sucks. btw anorexia is a mental problem as well, not just a physical one, as well as bulimia. you deserve better friends when i tell some people they just say im not that skinny and i know how much that hurts. you dont need to be 10 lb to have an eating disorder! bethechange is right!
A comment from your friend could have been caused by ignorance rather than malice. You know all about your malady, but other people are not expected to be so educated, especially if they're as young as they seem to be.
They say that sharing about your condition with your inner circle like friends / workspace turns it into a "safe place" and helps healing. To anyone who wants to do that, consider this advice from "The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook", and write them a "Dear Person Letter", and then either hand them the letter or read it yourself. Tell them the name of your disease, describe its essentials, and specify what kind of help they can give you--for example, they could refrain from comments about your size entirely, to avoid the situations like that in this FML. They should know that calling you "not skinny" and such is nothing short of hitting you by a locomotive. And if afterwards they still do it...you know what to do.
Here's the script...it's about anxiety and agoraphobia, actually, but never you mind that! Just to give an idea of how it looks like. Pasting...
/quote
Dear Person Letter
Dear ________:
I want to tell you something about myself. I have a problem with a type of anxiety called agoraphobia. This is not a mental illness, but a kind of anxiety which causes panic attacks.
Although 5 in 100 people suffer from agoraphobia, some people have not heard of the condition. It is difficult for me to talk about it, but sharing this information with you is important to me.
Agoraphobia is similar to claustrophobia, except that panic attacks can be triggered by many things, such as crowds, distance from home, freeways, bridges, and/or many other situations. I can neither anticipate nor control these anxiety attacks. Because these attacks are extremely uncomfortable, sometimes terrifying and always embarrassing, I have been avoiding situations which might arouse them.
I have found help for this problem and am making progress. At this point I am doing some things and want to do even more, but I still need a way out of situations that are frightening to me. I have found that when other people understand that I may need to leave an uncomfortable situation, I can do better and it helps in my recovery.
It is extremely important to me to feel free to leave any given situation at any time, no matter how innocuous the situation may appear. I don’t ask that you understand my condition, but I would appreciate your help.
In telling you this, I am not soliciting your sympathy, but I would like your moral support as I work toward recovery. I realize that the way I confront the problem may seem confusing and even inappropriate to you. Be assured that I have been treated by other methods but have found that the system I am using now is helping me to recover.
By your acceptance, you will be working with me in licking this problem.
unquote/
I like how the letter begins "this is not a mental illness." The stigma in our society against the "mentally ill" is so strong that people will go out of their way to say a psychiatric disorder is "not a mental illness." I'm not really even sure what IS a mental illness if a panic disorder is not one.
Just so everyone knows, "mental illness" is only used nowadays as a legal term, and invoked when people are deciding whether or not someone is competent to stand trial or was competent at the time of the incident. The clinical psychology/psychiatry community never uses the term. They refer to mental health problems as "mental disorders" or "psychiatric disorders."
The letter is a good idea, though. I went through a depressive episode a while ago, but since it was after I had been studying clinical psychology for a while, I was much better able to explain what was going on to my boyfriend (the only person I told) in objective terms. I also told him not to be afraid to ask me questions if he was confused about what was happening to me. It made it a lot easier for him to be supportive, which in turn helped me get better.
I don't know what they authors mean by "this is not a mental illness" either. I'm guessing this passage is merely here to soften the blow while delivering the news. For someone who doesn't know much of the subject, hearing "I'm mentally ill" might sound like "I'm insane"--that might just trigger a defensive reaction which stems from fear. People are afraid of such things happening to them, so they distance from them--"you are not me, and I am all right, and I will always be all right." This results in people not wanting to know anything of this scary subject, or about the victim of this malady for that matter, which just counterproductive to the point of the letter. So, the opening is trying to calm down the reader enough to slither some information in. And once they know more of it, fear reduces, and unacceptance as well, as it tends to happen.
An eating disorder turns mind against body, so it might warrant a "mental" term as well...but maybe this is not the best way to start explaining it to someone.
Ignore her, you are beautiful and incredibly brave to tell someone your problems.
#103 - On 11/09/2009 at 6:33pm by Rosalind39
Well, at least you're brave. Let's leave it at that... no reason to get carried away with the unwarranted compliments.
I am so fucking sorry. people are incredibly ignorant... I hope this doesn't trigger you too badly. keep speaking up and trying to get help. don't let this hurt your chances of recovering. stay strong
#104 - On 11/09/2009 at 6:41pm by greenrapsody
So you have stupid friends... that reflects more on your judgment than on them. Next time you should chose smarter friends if you want a smarter reaction to your admissions that require so much courage.
uhm. mayb the whole reason they have an eating disorder is coz they think theyr fat... that's generally the mentality behind it.
you don't have to be skinny to have an eating disorder.
#113 - On 11/09/2009 at 8:25pm by blackberry1993
My first instinct was to be really, really angry at all the ignorant comments on here. Then, I realized that a lot of people simply just don't know much of anything about eating disorders.
First off, I'm sorry your friends weren't more supportive. Please do not think that this does not make your "problem" any less valid than it was. I'm guessing that you're suffering from bulimia or some sort of (restrictive) EDNOS, both of which are no less detrimental to your health then anorexia. It takes a lot of courage to admit you have a problem. Please, don't let this deter you from taking another step further and trying to get some help. The earlier you can stop this, the better.
Good luck.
#115 - On 11/09/2009 at 8:56pm by Irony_and_Ivory
OP, do not listen to a single person that said YDI. They clearly have no idea what they are talking about. Best of luck to you.
#117 - On 11/09/2009 at 10:04pm by synchroskater
HotSauce, I want to reach through the screen and slap you. Just because you don't know anything about eating disorders does not mean they are not real, not valid, and not detrimental. I suffered from an eating disorder for a long time, brought on by people telling me I wasn't as thin as I used to be, when I was my natural, healthy weight. I think people like you need to be beaten, or remain silent. She probably started throwing up, not eating, or she might have honest to god anorexia nervosa, where her body just doesn't get hungry. Despite that, calling her a fatty and feeling smug about it, only shows what a jackass you are. Have some empathy for someone who just had one of their friends tell them their problem is not valid and that the reason for having the disorder was probably valid (and caused by them) in the world the Op lives in.
Your friends sound like real "winners"...so sorry you had to deal with that. And I agree with others, it sounds like it was just ignorance on their part, not actual malice. If they're still not willing to show support, then I would leave them behind and seek support elsewhere.
List your height and weight: If you're not underweight, proper
fasting and calorie restriction is extremely good for your health.
-Ty
FYFL - fuck your friend's life. For being an airhead. How does this affect you, though? Don't you know your own weight, wasn't that what you were admitting to?
#136 - On 11/10/2009 at 5:52am by marshmallowmouse
This kind of stuff pisses me off. I've spent years in therapy: residential treatment centers, wilderness, psych unit, etc, and have had dozens of friends who have had eating disorders. Of all sizes. Bulimia rarely causes you to lose much weight- in many cases you actually gain because the system is screwed up. Binge eating, etc- those usually lead to weight gain. Several of my friends can't have children, one nearly needed a transplant, and one died. An eating disorder IS serious, and more people should realize that you can be of average weight or even overweight while having a life-threatening disorder.
#137 - On 11/10/2009 at 8:27am by bandaidface
Ah quit being emo!
No one cares except some shrink you pay to care!!!
Most mental illnesses are made up to sell fear and pills to the masses!
Eating disorder?!! Give me frickin break!
Its called diet if your fat and eat if your skinny!!!
DUH!!!
#146 - On 11/10/2009 at 8:59pm by Cristaderzi
...wow. Really? ._. I hate people like you...
No offense, of course...wait, no. offense intended. >_
Oh i'm so sorry to hear this. I know how hard it is to tell somebody about an eating disorder. I just did it about a month ago. The problem is, is that you have to 1.) find somebody who you know you can trust and isn't a close minded person 2.) Be prepared for them to not understand. It's a very hard thing for somebody to grasp the whole idea of starvation, binging or purging, or just binging.
And for those who are close minded and aren't being very kind...Please understand that there are more eating disorders than just anorexia, and bulimia. There is also binge eating disorder, where a person eats more than an average amount of food, orthorexia, where a person is extremely healthy in what they eat and will not have things such as maybe red meats, carbs, fats etc... Anorexia is more than just starving yourself, all eating disorders go deeper than just feeling a certain way about your body and the way you eat, it's psycological. The way a suffer acts out is the way they deal with those psycological issues. Bulimics usually are a bit overweight because of all the binging and purging, although those who purge everything out may become extremely thin. Please realise that to you it may seem stupid, but those harsh judgements are what keep so many people in hiding and they die from it. It is so hard to have somebody know because you don't want to be classified as "The Anorexic" or "The Bulimic" or "The binger". One of the major reasons a person with an eating disorder, especially anorexia is that they are so afraid that what happened to OP will happen to them, they won't be sick enough, or thin enough. You can't fit into your eating disorder, you can be 300 lbs and still be anorexic. So please, think before you judge.
I love that some of you actually know what you're talking about.
I love that the rest of you make less sense than /b on a bad day.
#148 - On 11/10/2009 at 11:31pm by chloroplast
In my experience, eating disorders can also be more about control than actual weight. Bulimia is a particularly vicious cycle. One starves or binges and purges to control that aspect of his/her life, drops some weight, and feels in control. But once the body "catches on" and goes into survival mode, the weight loss stops. The bulimic again feels a loss of control, resulting in more extreme behavior. It's not unlike drug addiction-- looking for that first high again till you end up ODed.
#149 - On 11/11/2009 at 1:23am by TheIrishJaneDoe
i think all of you who are fighting about this are retarded. who the f cares?
#153 - On 11/11/2009 at 1:28pm by pigeonhole
ok eating disorder...I know how that is. But if you think about it, who really cares about how you look, you should accept you for you, and if someone really cares about you, then they will love you for you, yea alot of dumb fuckers are out here caring more about looks, but a true man will love you for who you really are, not who you are trying to be. No disrespect ma"am but i think you should stop the "thing" that your doing, and just accept you for you, take it from someone who's been there done that. It's not worth the pain in the long run.
#155 - On 11/12/2009 at 3:35am by bikeduster
you think we would starve ourselves, or make ourselves sick if we didnt care?
#162 - On 12/18/2009 at 3:48am by hi_whats_up
For all those who have an eating disorder, try Overeaters Anonymous. Even if you don't overeat, it can help you.
www.oa.org
#160 - On 11/29/2009 at 3:18pm by pumpkin_cat
That's awful, and I'm sorry. People of all sizes can have eating disorders. I live with an eating disorder too and know how hard it is to be honest about stuff like this, and inconsiderate jackasses just don't help.
Don't let it discourage you. When you're ready I hope you will seek treatment and start getting well. Take care of yourself OK?
