Intimacy: Today, while I was shopping, I saw my old friend from high school....

By snownerd - 03/11/2011 16:13 - United States

Today, while I was shopping, I saw my old friend from high school. After a bit of talking, I ended up giving her my phone number. I wrote it on an old receipt. Little did I remember, the receipt was from when I bought lube and condoms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 761

You deserved it 39 703

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Same thing different taste

Memory loss

By UGH - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I had to return a shirt to Target. My mom offered to do it for me on her way to work, so I gave her the shirt and receipt. Later, I remembered that on the same receipt I had purchased condoms, lube, and whipped cream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 275

You deserved it 81 065

By mrdave - 04/07/2009 05:54 - Canada

Today, I looked in my pocket for the phone number of a girl I met last night at a party. I remembered us talking and exchanging phone numbers. When I found the piece of paper, I discovered that instead of writing her number down, I had drunkenly written down my own. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 904

You deserved it 46 459

By hihipanda - 30/08/2009 12:58 - Singapore

Today, my friend and I went to a bar for drinks. I noticed this cute girl and went over to say "Hi." I had a great conversation with her and I asked for her number before she left. She passed it to me on a piece of paper with instructions specifying for my friend to call her and not me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 515

You deserved it 3 329

By totallyembarassed - 07/07/2012 04:08 - United States - Charlotte

Today, when I went to pay for my groceries, I accidentally handed the cashier a condom instead of my $20. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 993

You deserved it 28 759

By tammy - 27/06/2012 05:05 - United States - Inglewood

Today, while cashiering at the drug store, I saw my ex-boyfriend, who I'm still completely in love with. Being the only cashier, I had to ring him up. He was buying condoms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 125

You deserved it 3 616

By Anonymous - 16/09/2012 13:46 - United States

Today, I was finally paid back by a friend who wrote a check out. Not really looking at it, I went to the bank to deposit it. As I handed it to the teller, I noticed that he had written "sex" in the "for" memo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 556

You deserved it 4 111

By Noname - 16/02/2009 06:41 - United States

Today, I took a friend out for what I thought was date. After dinner was over and I paid, she pulled the bill out and wrote her name phone number on it for the waiter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 392

You deserved it 3 651

Fat chance

By Dave - 23/04/2012 13:22 - United States - Brookfield

Today, I left my number on my receipt for a cute waitress. As I was leaving the bar, she came running out and called me over. I obviously got excited. Turns out I'd forgotten to sign my slip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 655

You deserved it 22 025

By pimpdaddyX - 22/09/2012 16:22 - Malaysia - Shah Alam

Today, trying to be smooth, I slipped the girl I like a piece of paper with my phone number written on it. A while later, she slipped it back to me and left the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 171

You deserved it 19 944

By yournick - 31/01/2011 21:23 - Canada

Today, at my job as a cashier, a very old man came through my checkout. His purchase consisted of a box of condoms and a can of whipped cream. The creepy smile he gave me has scarred me for life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 244

You deserved it 4 831

iFizzgig 11

Thursday 3 November 2011 22:50

You were dropping a hint.

ohmandapants 16

Thursday 3 November 2011 22:51

Well now they know you're getting laid.

Comments

crazydanny9870 0

Friday 9 December 2011 18:12

Smart man. Lesson # 1 never give a girl your number. You get her number

Nemle22 4

Saturday 17 December 2011 10:04

Look on the bright side. At least she'll know you play safe. ^.^

born_hustla 26

Wednesday 3 April 2013 17:26

She'll get the memo

born_hustla 26

Wednesday 3 April 2013 17:28

At least she's aware you practice safe sex.

jujuroxursox 15

Monday 22 April 2013 21:10

I think u did this on purpose… looking for a f*ckbuddy?

D4nnyD4rkn3ss 6

Sunday 5 January 2014 22:28

Well played, even accidentally

doglover100 28

Saturday 8 March 2014 0:45

Hopefully they won't care.

pheizer01 10

Sunday 12 July 2015 21:08

EVEN BETTER

lucasj23 11

Tuesday 3 April 2018 20:28

I'm pretty sure not an accident.

Kara_araK 24

Tuesday 22 May 2018 18:20

Well at least she knows you practice safe sex and care about you and your partner not getting hurt during sex :)

Keywords

Anxiety Sex Intimacy Health Work Embarrassing Cars Transportation Love AITA Jealousy Vacation Family Awkward Language Cute Miscellaneous Students Education Kids Parents First Dates Poopoo peepee Fire Money Capitalism Food Clothes Thief Death

The Top

Today, I went out with this girl I really liked and she came back to my place. Things were heating up and we ended up having sex. I was on top and really into it but in the middle of it she held up her wrist and said, "Huh, look at the time, I gotta get home." She wasn't wearing a watch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 92 682

You deserved it 17 881

Today, I was on FaceTime with my sister. She remarked that my living room was a mess, and that she didn’t know how I kept a man with a place like that. I retorted, “He’s not with me for how well I can clean, when I can polish his knob like a marble floor!” I had no idea my dad was off camera. FML

I agree, your life sucks 806

You deserved it 1 686

The Top

Today, at Six flags, friends and I were going to ride "Superman". People lose their phones on it easily, so I asked a friend who decided not to ride to put mine in her bag. When it ended, I learned she went and asked an employee in navy to hold onto it, but couldn't find him. Employees wear yellow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 476

You deserved it 7 087

Today, I proudly presented my research project in class that I've worked for day and night for 3 weeks straight. My teacher fell asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 498

You deserved it 3 540

Today, my son's lemonade stand was robbed by a senior citizen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 566

You deserved it 3 374

Today, arriving home with my boyfriend after a night away, we opened our bedroom door to find his younger brother and a girl naked in our bed. She looked at me, looked at him and said, "Ew. Who's that?" She then asked for a pair of socks, because she had, "rank feet". FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 397

You deserved it 431

Today, I dropped some glass at my job while putting it on the shelf. A shard bounced off the floor and went up my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 988

You deserved it 181

Today, I was diagnosed with my seventh chronic illness. My body and life are getting progressively more uncomfortable, painful, exhausting, and difficult. I'm starting to wish one of them was lethal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 178

You deserved it 118

Same thing different taste

Memory loss

Fat chance

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