Intimacy: Today, while I was shopping, I saw my old friend from high school....

By snownerd - 03/11/2011 16:13 - United States

Today, while I was shopping, I saw my old friend from high school. After a bit of talking, I ended up giving her my phone number. I wrote it on an old receipt. Little did I remember, the receipt was from when I bought lube and condoms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 761

You deserved it 39 702

Mother's Day: Sweets and Bummers
Between disastrous breakfasts in bed and unusual gifts, Mother's Day is an inexhaustible source of laughter. More…

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Same thing different taste

Memory loss

By UGH - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I had to return a shirt to Target. My mom offered to do it for me on her way to work, so I gave her the shirt and receipt. Later, I remembered that on the same receipt I had purchased condoms, lube, and whipped cream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 275

You deserved it 81 065

By mrdave - 04/07/2009 05:54 - Canada

Today, I looked in my pocket for the phone number of a girl I met last night at a party. I remembered us talking and exchanging phone numbers. When I found the piece of paper, I discovered that instead of writing her number down, I had drunkenly written down my own. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 904

You deserved it 46 459

By hihipanda - 30/08/2009 12:58 - Singapore

Today, my friend and I went to a bar for drinks. I noticed this cute girl and went over to say "Hi." I had a great conversation with her and I asked for her number before she left. She passed it to me on a piece of paper with instructions specifying for my friend to call her and not me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 515

You deserved it 3 329

By totallyembarassed - 07/07/2012 04:08 - United States - Charlotte

Today, when I went to pay for my groceries, I accidentally handed the cashier a condom instead of my $20. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 993

You deserved it 28 758

By tammy - 27/06/2012 05:05 - United States - Inglewood

Today, while cashiering at the drug store, I saw my ex-boyfriend, who I'm still completely in love with. Being the only cashier, I had to ring him up. He was buying condoms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 125

You deserved it 3 616

By Anonymous - 16/09/2012 13:46 - United States

Today, I was finally paid back by a friend who wrote a check out. Not really looking at it, I went to the bank to deposit it. As I handed it to the teller, I noticed that he had written "sex" in the "for" memo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 555

You deserved it 4 111

By Noname - 16/02/2009 06:41 - United States

Today, I took a friend out for what I thought was date. After dinner was over and I paid, she pulled the bill out and wrote her name phone number on it for the waiter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 392

You deserved it 3 650

Fat chance

By Dave - 23/04/2012 13:22 - United States - Brookfield

Today, I left my number on my receipt for a cute waitress. As I was leaving the bar, she came running out and called me over. I obviously got excited. Turns out I'd forgotten to sign my slip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 654

You deserved it 22 023

By pimpdaddyX - 22/09/2012 16:22 - Malaysia - Shah Alam

Today, trying to be smooth, I slipped the girl I like a piece of paper with my phone number written on it. A while later, she slipped it back to me and left the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 171

You deserved it 19 943

By yournick - 31/01/2011 21:23 - Canada

Today, at my job as a cashier, a very old man came through my checkout. His purchase consisted of a box of condoms and a can of whipped cream. The creepy smile he gave me has scarred me for life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 243

You deserved it 4 831

iFizzgig 11

Thursday 3 November 2011 22:50

You were dropping a hint.

ohmandapants 16

Thursday 3 November 2011 22:51

Well now they know you're getting laid.

Comments

Kriyptic 8

Saturday 5 November 2011 0:42

LOL

artprincess 0

Saturday 5 November 2011 1:35

shes pribaly gonna think somethings up

thatgirlyesii 0

Saturday 5 November 2011 4:58

Fap fap fap fap fap xD

RedCamaro10 0

Saturday 5 November 2011 8:10

At least she knows you're safe.

Nhk_fml 4

Saturday 5 November 2011 14:00

AWKS!!!

pumpkin093 7

Saturday 5 November 2011 22:34

Sounds like a ******* lie

Tara_74656 7

Tuesday 8 November 2011 7:31

safety with the rubbers and consideration for the other person w/ the lube... take the moral high ground and its a win win.

jlperry31 10

Thursday 10 November 2011 10:30

its not like she doesnt already know you jerk.

justme0003 6

Thursday 17 November 2011 9:48

did she text/call u?

justme0003 6

Thursday 17 November 2011 9:50

Didn't she a have a phone with her?

Keywords

Neighbours Cops Miscellaneous Weird Parents Scary Health Stressed out Transportation Embarrassing Cars Work My ex LGBTQIA+ Love First Dates Social Media Facebook Intimacy Sex Virginity School Painful Tinder Awkward Dating Jealousy Coworkers AITA Anxiety

The Top

Today, my grandpa forgot that my aunt set up a baby monitor in his bedroom in case of a fall. I’m sitting in the living room with his wife - who is deaf - and I hear him moaning over the baby monitor. My grandfather was jerking off and forgot that someone could hear him. I wish I could forget too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 657

You deserved it 130

Ahoy ship's boys and girls ! Today we're heading to France. Be ready to face rain, storm and beer because Lille is welcoming us, and believe me, it's not Los Angeles. Do you all have your raincoats? -Bonjour ! First of all, present yourself ma jol...

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 6

The Top

Today, while getting intimate with my boyfriend, I thought he went to change the music on his phone. He'd actually stopped mid-action just to check sports scores. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 264

You deserved it 716

Today, I found out the hard way that if you leave your sheets on the washing line too long, spiders will go and make their new home in them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 870

You deserved it 2 100

Today, I asked my dentist for a sick note so I could get my lost filling put back in ASAP. According to her, being in pain 24/7 is not a medical condition that would justify immediate treatment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 857

You deserved it 93

Today, my boyfriend was seated in my section at work. As he sees me his face drops... he's on a date. He had forgotten I work there. I had to serve him and his date, and they didn't leave a tip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 747

You deserved it 3 542

Today, my wife made me feel like an asshole for not leaving work to come home because she wasn't feeling good. I'm working at a jobsite 1.5 hours away from home, plus my vehicle wasn't at the jobsite either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 388

You deserved it 137

Today, I found out my new girlfriend is a screamer. This would normally turn me on, except she sounds like she's being murdered with a rusty fork. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 738

You deserved it 4 578

Same thing different taste

Memory loss

Fat chance

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