Love: Today, the guy I've had the biggest crush on came to my house...

By Anon - 04/08/2011 08:30 - United States

Today, the guy I've had the biggest crush on came to my house to pick me up for our first date. As we were leaving, my father screams out "Do you still have diarrhea?" I don't have diarrhea. My dad thinks he's so funny. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 037

You deserved it 4 124

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Same thing different taste

By Krissy. - 31/03/2009 07:04 - United States

Today, my dad and I were at the grocery store buying toilet paper. As we walk out I see these two attractive guys that I know. My dad gets that I think they're cute, so he shouts "Hey babe, how's your stomach feeling now? Will this be enough for you?" They walk away laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75 759

You deserved it 4 992

Classy

By embaressed - 19/12/2009 09:44 - United States

Today, I was standing outside a store about to flirt with this guy when my mother drove up and shouted, "Hurry up, I have diarrhea!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 840

You deserved it 3 086

By Fatty - 27/12/2009 07:15 - United States

Today, the guy I've had a crush on came over to my house. My Dad came in to see how we we're doing, looks at me and says "Man... You've REALLY been puttin' on the pounds!", pokes me in the stomach a few times, and leaves. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 491

You deserved it 4 171

By mothtal - 03/06/2012 16:13 - Bulgaria

Today, my boyfriend picked me up to take me on a date. Just as we were about to drive away, my dad ran out of the house in his underwear and started yelling that he'd kill my boyfriend if I wasn't back home within the hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 558

You deserved it 2 264

Pleasant

By daddydaughterWTF - 02/08/2012 00:06 - United States - Port Saint Lucie

Today, after spending five years regaining contact with my estranged father, I finally met him. I tearfully dropped my luggage and ran to hug him. He belched and told me to get in the car, because he had diarrhea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 587

You deserved it 2 637

Tonight, on First Dates…

By dumper - 05/11/2009 06:41 - United States

Today, I finally got the courage to go on a first date with this guy I had a crush on for months. It was such a big deal for me cause it was my first date ever. The first thing he says when we met was, "I have to take a dump." I sat by myself for 10 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 221

You deserved it 5 589

By longlostkid556 - 05/06/2011 04:14 - United States

Today, the girl I have a crush on came over to work on a project. My dad rushed into the room we were in, farted, and then ran out giggling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 220

You deserved it 5 803

Smells like teen shit

By great 1st impression - 25/05/2014 16:09 - United Kingdom - Derby

Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time over dinner. I had to use the bathroom part way through, and ended up taking the foulest dump of my life. I cracked open a window on my way out, but my boyfriend's dad went in soon after, quickly retching and booming, "What the fuck?!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 961

You deserved it 7 915

Stinker

By taman - 12/09/2009 04:12 - United States

Today, I took this girl out that I've been crushing on for 2 years to a fancy restaurant. At one point during the date, I had to get up to take a massive dump. As I was walking back to the table, a little boy stood up and shouted, "THAT'S THE POOPOO MAN!" in front of the whole restaurant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 934

You deserved it 5 354

Classy

By dontask - 01/10/2010 01:55 - United States

Today, the guy I've been crushing on for years and I finally went on a date. While on the date, he threw up in my purse and stuck tampons up his nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 844

You deserved it 4 421

CattyPurry 0

Thursday 4 August 2011 15:55

you should have yelled back "are you still 60?" (:

bigbadtim 7

Thursday 4 August 2011 15:55

Your dad is funny.

Comments

ibrar 0

Friday 5 August 2011 6:57

lol you can't pick your family but u should laugh it pff

taylornicole97 8

Friday 5 August 2011 7:08

Quite the dad you got there!

Stylin_Since_97 10

Friday 5 August 2011 7:43

Put laxatives in his coffee and ask him the same thing in front of his peers;)

2blessed2stress 0

Friday 5 August 2011 9:17

Lol too funny fyl

bc4025567575 3

Friday 5 August 2011 10:01

Yeah that sucks. The dad that goes overboard. FYL! That would suck!

Jessica1126 0

Friday 5 August 2011 10:06

MY DAD DOES THIS EVERYTIME I HAVE A BOY OVER OR IM ON THE PHONE WITH HIM!!!! omg it's so gay!

bc4025567575 3

Friday 5 August 2011 10:45

LOL owned!

kaylapple 1

Friday 5 August 2011 10:52

your dad is very embarrassing op.

lifes_ah_bitch 0

Friday 5 August 2011 22:06

lol sounds like my dad

haniam16 6

Saturday 6 August 2011 0:40

Ur dad loves u enough to make sure no guy snags up his daughter

krez 20

Saturday 6 August 2011 1:16

I'm making a note of this one for when my daughter is old enough to date :-)

Keywords

Kids Art Covid Health Birthday Relatable Transportation Awkward Cars Love Poopoo peepee Gross Family Intimacy Sex Neighbours Dreams Lonely Work Management Jealousy Relationship advice Mental health Miscellaneous Friends Abuse Parents Healthy Lifestyle Food Ironic

The Top

Today, I started a sport journalism degree. I was the only woman out of 60 students. The lecturer started talking about how we should all aspire to become sports editors of national newspapers. Later, he said women have no chance of ever becoming sports editors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 648

You deserved it 3 115

Today, me and my boyfriend were fooling around on my bed when things started to get heated. I said to him, "Do what ever you want". He got up and said he'd be right back. I thought he went to get a condom. He came back with a sandwich. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 159

You deserved it 11 993

The Top

Today, I cooked for the future in-laws and was accused of trying to poison them. Absolutely no one told me, even as they watched me cook shrimp and smoked sausage gumbo, that my mother-in-law is deathly allergic to shellfish and my father-in-law gets severe diarrhoea when he eats pork. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 020

You deserved it 104

Today, while babysitting, I made the kids and myself peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. When their parents came home, their dad took out the same container of peanut butter I had used and let their dog lick out of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 458

You deserved it 2 010

Today, my sisters took me to a gay bar to celebrate my birthday. All was going well, until the drag queens demanded anyone with a birthday on stage. My sisters forced me to go. Turns out, it was for a twerking contest. I can't dance and have social anxiety. When I got off the stage, I cried. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 169

You deserved it 155

Today, my wife's paranoia reached a new level. She spent a half hour fretting over the idea that one of the cleaning ladies at our hotel might have taken a used condom from our room and tried to get pregnant with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 532

You deserved it 1 490

Today, I went to a chiropractor and got a membership just because I was desperate to be touched by a man after being single for 3 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 768

You deserved it 306

Today, I figured out why my 'best friend' hasn't talked to me in weeks. She assumed an FML post she read was about her. It was posted in 2009. I met her last year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 936

You deserved it 1 743

Same thing different taste

Classy

Pleasant

Tonight, on First Dates…

Smells like teen shit

Stinker

Classy

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