Love: Today, the guy I've had the biggest crush on came to my house...

By Anon - 04/08/2011 08:30 - United States

Today, the guy I've had the biggest crush on came to my house to pick me up for our first date. As we were leaving, my father screams out "Do you still have diarrhea?" I don't have diarrhea. My dad thinks he's so funny. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 037

You deserved it 4 124

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Same thing different taste

By Krissy. - 31/03/2009 07:04 - United States

Today, my dad and I were at the grocery store buying toilet paper. As we walk out I see these two attractive guys that I know. My dad gets that I think they're cute, so he shouts "Hey babe, how's your stomach feeling now? Will this be enough for you?" They walk away laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75 759

You deserved it 4 992

Classy

By embaressed - 19/12/2009 09:44 - United States

Today, I was standing outside a store about to flirt with this guy when my mother drove up and shouted, "Hurry up, I have diarrhea!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 840

You deserved it 3 086

By Fatty - 27/12/2009 07:15 - United States

Today, the guy I've had a crush on came over to my house. My Dad came in to see how we we're doing, looks at me and says "Man... You've REALLY been puttin' on the pounds!", pokes me in the stomach a few times, and leaves. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 491

You deserved it 4 171

By mothtal - 03/06/2012 16:13 - Bulgaria

Today, my boyfriend picked me up to take me on a date. Just as we were about to drive away, my dad ran out of the house in his underwear and started yelling that he'd kill my boyfriend if I wasn't back home within the hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 558

You deserved it 2 264

Pleasant

By daddydaughterWTF - 02/08/2012 00:06 - United States - Port Saint Lucie

Today, after spending five years regaining contact with my estranged father, I finally met him. I tearfully dropped my luggage and ran to hug him. He belched and told me to get in the car, because he had diarrhea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 587

You deserved it 2 637

Tonight, on First Dates…

By dumper - 05/11/2009 06:41 - United States

Today, I finally got the courage to go on a first date with this guy I had a crush on for months. It was such a big deal for me cause it was my first date ever. The first thing he says when we met was, "I have to take a dump." I sat by myself for 10 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 221

You deserved it 5 589

By longlostkid556 - 05/06/2011 04:14 - United States

Today, the girl I have a crush on came over to work on a project. My dad rushed into the room we were in, farted, and then ran out giggling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 220

You deserved it 5 803

Smells like teen shit

By great 1st impression - 25/05/2014 16:09 - United Kingdom - Derby

Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time over dinner. I had to use the bathroom part way through, and ended up taking the foulest dump of my life. I cracked open a window on my way out, but my boyfriend's dad went in soon after, quickly retching and booming, "What the fuck?!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 961

You deserved it 7 915

Stinker

By taman - 12/09/2009 04:12 - United States

Today, I took this girl out that I've been crushing on for 2 years to a fancy restaurant. At one point during the date, I had to get up to take a massive dump. As I was walking back to the table, a little boy stood up and shouted, "THAT'S THE POOPOO MAN!" in front of the whole restaurant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 934

You deserved it 5 354

Classy

By dontask - 01/10/2010 01:55 - United States

Today, the guy I've been crushing on for years and I finally went on a date. While on the date, he threw up in my purse and stuck tampons up his nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 844

You deserved it 4 421

CattyPurry 0

Thursday 4 August 2011 15:55

you should have yelled back "are you still 60?" (:

bigbadtim 7

Thursday 4 August 2011 15:55

Your dad is funny.

Comments

MrWhiteGluz 1

Thursday 4 August 2011 19:27

haha that's funny

BernieBeauty 1

Thursday 4 August 2011 19:36

You: 0 Dad: 1

MichaelReyes1 3

Thursday 4 August 2011 20:17

haha xD that's me in the future

hotPinklipstick 24

Thursday 4 August 2011 20:19

I would have responded with "do you still have erectile distinction??" hmmm yeah whose embarrassed now??

hotPinklipstick 24

Thursday 4 August 2011 21:52

I meant disfunction...

hotPinklipstick 24

Friday 5 August 2011 1:19

stupid iPhone is correcting my words incorrectly. I hate it :( I have to fight with it to even get half my words correct.

VasilisaUzhasnaj 29

Friday 5 August 2011 14:42

And yet the rest of us somehow manage. There's also a freaking edit option now.

utvols11 0

Thursday 4 August 2011 22:50

I want to meet this guy?

boxter57 3

Thursday 4 August 2011 23:11

good image for ur bf

KnucklesDeep 5

Thursday 4 August 2011 23:18

A million dollars says you didn't have the guts to call him out on his stupidity.

OMNOMN0M 0

Thursday 4 August 2011 23:29

my brother does something similar only he yells "you forgot to take your diarrhea medicine!" smh.

froggyiscool 0

Thursday 4 August 2011 23:54

this would happen to me..

Charlotteeexx 0

Friday 5 August 2011 0:20

Try having crohn's because then that question would be genuine. :(

Keywords

Art Kids Health Birthday Covid Relatable Awkward Cars Love Transportation Gross Family Poopoo peepee Neighbours Intimacy Sex Lonely Dreams Management Work Jealousy Relationship advice Mental health Miscellaneous Friends Abuse Parents Healthy Lifestyle Ironic Food

The Top

Today, I was woken up at 3:00 am to the sound of a tape recording of a baby crying, loudly. This has been going on for 3 nights, non stop. Why? because I brought up the subject of having a baby with my wife. Clearly, you can see where she stands. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 454

You deserved it 12 763

Today, as her parents were supposed to be out of town, I stayed over with my girlfriend, and we ended up in bed together. Later on, while poking through the fridge, I heard footsteps, so I said, "Didn't think you'd be walking after that." I closed the fridge and saw her dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 955

You deserved it 28 269

The Top

Today, I got an angry text, asking me why I wasn't at the staff dinner. I've been gone for the last 2 weeks, and I wasn't told about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 585

You deserved it 106

Today, I made the mistake of telling my militant vegan coworker I have fond memories of hunting with my dad, which set her off like a tofu-powered grenade. If she doesn’t stop treating me like the devil, making snide comments, and other shit, I may have to go to HR about her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 978

You deserved it 240

Today, I found some Nesquick Chocolate Milk mix in my pantry which sounded good. While making a glass, I got angry because not all of the mix would disolve. Frustrated, I downed the drink. When I finished I looked in the glass and realized the mix that wouldn't disolve was actually tiny ants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 270

You deserved it 17 988

Today, I told my husband we should try go vegan for a while to see if there were any health benefits. He threw me over his shoulder and put me outside, because, “crazy plant ladies live outside with the other vegetables.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 244

You deserved it 953

Today, I was vomiting after an evening of drinking. My boyfriend was kind enough to hold my hair back while I spewed chunks into the toilet. Apparently he got bored though, because his hands made their way down to my boobs, which he started jiggling while singing Jingle Bells. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 931

You deserved it 29 655

Today, at work where I'm a physiotherapist, I was helping a patient with lower back pain. While I was massaging him, he shat himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 068

You deserved it 129

Same thing different taste

Classy

Pleasant

Tonight, on First Dates…

Smells like teen shit

Stinker

Classy

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