Miscellaneous: Today, the 86 year old guy next door told me I needed three things... - FML

By Anonymous - 12/10/2009 20:57 - United States

Today, the 86 year old guy next door told me I needed three things in life to succeed: a cook book, a boyfriend, and a boob job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 226

You deserved it 4 868

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 16/10/2010 04:17 - United States

Today, my perfectly sane and healthy 90 year old grandmother had a heart to heart with me. She told me she'd pay for a boob job. When I asked why, she said, "Sweetie, you'll never attract someone with those tiny suckers." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 712

You deserved it 4 022

By :( - 31/07/2016 04:18 - United States

Today, my mom told me that I'll never get married if my cooking skills don't improve. My boyfriend agrees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 708

You deserved it 2 459

By Mel Ancholy - 18/02/2012 02:04 - United States

Today, I was talking to my husband about a work colleague, whose boyfriend is always sending her flowers and fawning over her. I mentioned how I've never been treated like that. He glanced up from his video game and said, "Shit, Mel. Get a boob job then." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 341

You deserved it 8 194

By Alexa23 - 15/03/2009 15:47 - United States

Today, I got out of the shower and my 3 year old sister comes into the bathroom and says "I want big boobies like yours when I grow up." And from the other room I hear my dad go "Sweetie, you've already got bigger boobs than your sister." FML

I agree, your life sucks 131 183

You deserved it 8 902

Thanks for that, dad!

By Anonymous - 13/10/2019 01:00

Today, I mentioned to my family that I was sad about the fact that I was thirty-five years-old, single, and had no children. My father piped up from the next room, "What man in his right would want your lopsided tits, fat thighs, and fucked-up nose in their gene pool?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 467

You deserved it 251

TMI

By Anonymous - 29/03/2021 21:59 - United States - Crystal City

Today, my neighbor, who is an elderly woman that I barely know, decided to tell me about how she feels she's lost too much weight and now when she looks at herself naked she thinks her boobs hang and look like bull testicles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 924

You deserved it 105

By strawberrykiwi62 - 11/06/2009 09:09 - Israel

Today, I found out that my extremely-flat chested cousin recently got a boob job. When my mom found out, she said "Oh that's great! They look so good!". Then she looks at me and tells me that I should get one. Everyone including my own mother thinks I should get a boob job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 072

You deserved it 5 523

By joshinbaltimore - 22/03/2009 04:15 - United States

Today, I went swimming. As I was getting out of the very crowded pool a little girl ran up to me pointed and yelled, "Mommy, I want big boobies like that when I grow up." I'm 16. I'm a boy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 78 072

You deserved it 25 584

By WishIWasAWriter - 08/09/2011 18:03 - United Kingdom

Today, I bought a book by a #1 bestselling author, hoping it would distract me from having my manuscript rejected, as well as learn what made their book so successful. Now I realize I need to say stuff like, "I wish I had great boobs (hehe... boobs)" to get my works published. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 376

You deserved it 3 329

How kind...

By NoThanks - 11/05/2018 01:30

Today, despite my objections, a 50-year-old guy at a bar tried to convince me that my "biological clock is ticking" and that it was time to have kids, "before it's too late". He then offered his help in this noble endeavor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 409

You deserved it 327

Next

Top comments

Malika_fml 0

Tuesday 13 October 2009 2:03

wise man

Luckster 0

Tuesday 13 October 2009 2:05

He's old enough to where his sexist remarks make sense. 70 years younger and I woulda bitch slapped him with my metal-decorated bike gloves on.

Comments

DameGreyWulf 0

Tuesday 13 October 2009 5:42

You definitely need a cook book. This is not a sexist statement, it is FACT. You want to eat don't you? THEN GET SOME DAMN COOK BOOKS. Or you can eat ramen and canned soup all your life... If nothing else, get a unique cook book and dazzle company with how totally awesome you are with the Czech cookies or something.

DameGreyWulf 0

Tuesday 13 October 2009 7:41

It's hot when a guy can cook, too. You're right, it shows independence, and that's rad.

RubixMonkey 0

Tuesday 13 October 2009 5:56

Bet he caused the Great Depression. Or at least in most women who know him. For all you know this is wisdom from the old country.

xkat356 0

Tuesday 13 October 2009 5:57

Thank you for the novel. |: Nicely put, #97.

waterynuggets 0

Tuesday 13 October 2009 6:07

Pimpin88 baby! Trollin' down the street, smokin...

mrose57 0

Tuesday 13 October 2009 6:11

Rudeness has no age limit.

flinkpamingo 0

Tuesday 13 October 2009 6:18

You know, some people pay a LOT of money for that advice! See? There ya go!

blondeychck7 0

Tuesday 13 October 2009 6:43

do guys go for pure girls?

amc4204 0

Tuesday 13 October 2009 6:52

For the record my boobs are a C cup!

neverinmyfavor 0

Tuesday 13 October 2009 6:53

That's really sexist. :(

Gefangene 0

Tuesday 13 October 2009 7:00

I'm not even a lesbian, but for you baby, I would be. Can we make little sperm-donor babies and live happily ever-after? :)

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The Top

Today, according to my husband of many years, he was actually planning to ghost me after our boring first date. It was only the fact that I shagged him senseless that night that kept him around long enough for us to actually get to know each other. Hooray for me being a "loose slut" back in 1998. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 139

You deserved it 561

Today, I was riding on the back of my dad's motorcycle. After a few minutes, the vibrations from the engine became way too much for me and I couldn't control myself. I had such an intense orgasm, sitting right behind my father, with my arms around his waist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 92 791

You deserved it 16 307

The Top

Today, my girlfriend finally said that she finally felt ready to have sex with me. It ended up being so terrible that I only managed to get some pleasure out of it when my mind drifted to the thought of going to Olive Garden later and eating some of their breadsticks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 166

You deserved it 10 410

Today, thinking no one was home, I decided to be a little frisky with my boyfriend. I guess I was being loud and woke up my sleeping autistic brother the room over. Halfway through, he burst through the door, panicking. He thought I was having another one of my asthma attacks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 958

You deserved it 9 768

Today, on my first day at my new job delivering pizzas, I got bit by a guy dressed as Dracula. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 280

You deserved it 3 331

Today, I received in the mail a hockey puck autographed by recent hall of fame addition Steve Yzerman. When asked, I had to explain to my 4 year old brother that someone famous had written his name on it. Later, I discovered that my brother decided it needed his name on it too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 171

You deserved it 5 514

Today, while laughing at a jogger that fell down while running, I choked on my French fries. They had to give me the Heimlich maneuver. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 494

You deserved it 54 229

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me by tossing the ring at me and saying "Here, wear this." FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 391

You deserved it 8 519