Miscellaneous: Today, the 86 year old guy next door told me I needed three things... - FML

By Anonymous - 12/10/2009 20:57 - United States

Today, the 86 year old guy next door told me I needed three things in life to succeed: a cook book, a boyfriend, and a boob job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 226

You deserved it 4 868

May Day: Lily of the Valley and Misunderstandings
When lilies of the valley bring good luck... or not! Discover the stories behind every little bell! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 16/10/2010 04:17 - United States

Today, my perfectly sane and healthy 90 year old grandmother had a heart to heart with me. She told me she'd pay for a boob job. When I asked why, she said, "Sweetie, you'll never attract someone with those tiny suckers." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 712

You deserved it 4 022

By :( - 31/07/2016 04:18 - United States

Today, my mom told me that I'll never get married if my cooking skills don't improve. My boyfriend agrees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 707

You deserved it 2 459

By Mel Ancholy - 18/02/2012 02:04 - United States

Today, I was talking to my husband about a work colleague, whose boyfriend is always sending her flowers and fawning over her. I mentioned how I've never been treated like that. He glanced up from his video game and said, "Shit, Mel. Get a boob job then." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 341

You deserved it 8 194

By Alexa23 - 15/03/2009 15:47 - United States

Today, I got out of the shower and my 3 year old sister comes into the bathroom and says "I want big boobies like yours when I grow up." And from the other room I hear my dad go "Sweetie, you've already got bigger boobs than your sister." FML

I agree, your life sucks 131 183

You deserved it 8 902

Thanks for that, dad!

By Anonymous - 13/10/2019 01:00

Today, I mentioned to my family that I was sad about the fact that I was thirty-five years-old, single, and had no children. My father piped up from the next room, "What man in his right would want your lopsided tits, fat thighs, and fucked-up nose in their gene pool?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 467

You deserved it 251

TMI

By Anonymous - 29/03/2021 21:59 - United States - Crystal City

Today, my neighbor, who is an elderly woman that I barely know, decided to tell me about how she feels she's lost too much weight and now when she looks at herself naked she thinks her boobs hang and look like bull testicles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 924

You deserved it 105

By strawberrykiwi62 - 11/06/2009 09:09 - Israel

Today, I found out that my extremely-flat chested cousin recently got a boob job. When my mom found out, she said "Oh that's great! They look so good!". Then she looks at me and tells me that I should get one. Everyone including my own mother thinks I should get a boob job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 072

You deserved it 5 523

By joshinbaltimore - 22/03/2009 04:15 - United States

Today, I went swimming. As I was getting out of the very crowded pool a little girl ran up to me pointed and yelled, "Mommy, I want big boobies like that when I grow up." I'm 16. I'm a boy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 78 072

You deserved it 25 584

By WishIWasAWriter - 08/09/2011 18:03 - United Kingdom

Today, I bought a book by a #1 bestselling author, hoping it would distract me from having my manuscript rejected, as well as learn what made their book so successful. Now I realize I need to say stuff like, "I wish I had great boobs (hehe... boobs)" to get my works published. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 376

You deserved it 3 329

How kind...

By NoThanks - 11/05/2018 01:30

Today, despite my objections, a 50-year-old guy at a bar tried to convince me that my "biological clock is ticking" and that it was time to have kids, "before it's too late". He then offered his help in this noble endeavor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 409

You deserved it 327

Next

Top comments

Malika_fml 0

Tuesday 13 October 2009 2:03

wise man

Luckster 0

Tuesday 13 October 2009 2:05

He's old enough to where his sexist remarks make sense. 70 years younger and I woulda bitch slapped him with my metal-decorated bike gloves on.

Comments

Avenging_Angel 0

Tuesday 13 October 2009 3:43

Shoulda punched him in the face and walked away, saying "looks like YOU need a nose job."

jessxoxo28 5

Tuesday 13 October 2009 3:47

its nice to no that an 86 year old dude has been checking out ur boobs... tell him to get a life actually, dont

jBird_fml 0

Tuesday 13 October 2009 3:50

# 52 - He's saying what about the ADVICE makes it wrong. He's also correct, the answer is nothing. You're referring to what is wrong about sexism. Pay attention before you call people idiots.

Jen11 0

Tuesday 13 October 2009 3:50

You should see if he's single

DoingItWrong 0

Tuesday 13 October 2009 4:08

and rich!

null_fml 11

Tuesday 13 October 2009 5:44

Mercy, are you being sarcastic? Cause half-dead IS hawt if he's rich.

JohnnyAppleseed 0

Tuesday 13 October 2009 4:12

I don't trust the Chinese. Or North Korea. I say strip the Asian naked. Make sure she ain't packin' heat. The other passengers will take care of the Muslim man if shit goes down.

skyeyez9 24

Tuesday 13 October 2009 4:14

old people rock!

jamila123 5

Tuesday 13 October 2009 4:14

He's right. Hahaha!

ThereWolf 0

Tuesday 13 October 2009 4:15

Not really FYL, but he's an asshole.

Madness006 0

Tuesday 13 October 2009 4:22

I THINK EVERYONE SHOULD GO BACK TO /b/

scateice 0

Tuesday 13 October 2009 4:39

I THINK....OK GUYS I GOT AN IDEA....LIKE....LETS ALL GET SOME ICE CREAM :D

3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
12

Keywords

Health Public freakouts Relatable Scams Geek Music Poopoo peepee Awkward Jewelry Bikes Cops Transportation Family Kids Fight Miscellaneous AITA Mother in law Love Relationship advice Social Media Art Work Students Animals Noise Birds Sleep Mental health Medication

The Top

Today, a customer threw a bottle of milk at me because we'd moved our smoke counter 6 months earlier during our renovations. Moved it five metres to the right that is. He marched out of the store, then marched back, grabbed the milk from my hands, threw $5 at me and then left again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 246

You deserved it 589

Today, my daughter got her first period, so I went and got some products for her, certain that I knew what was needed. The lady cashier took one look in my basket and sympathetically asked if it was my daughter's first period and if I wanted help, since I clearly had no idea what I was doing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 072

You deserved it 223

The Top

Today, I interviewed potential employees for a job position that I was supposed to get promoted to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 517

You deserved it 2 364

Today, I got fired from my job at a library for hitting an old man with a book. In my defence, I had asked him about a massive water stain on a book he'd returned. He told me it was his cum, wanted to know if it excited me and then tried to touch my boobs. Dirty old pervert. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 223

You deserved it 277

Today, my housemate's cat began meowing at 2:15am. After about 10 minutes of continuous caterwauling, it finally shut up. Almost immediately afterwards, a car with thumping bass music pulled up to idle in the street right outside my window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 634

You deserved it 224

Today, my boyfriend and I went to a furniture store. We split up for a bit, and after a while I went to find him. A salesman noticed I seemed to be looking around for him and said, "Oh, your son is upstairs." We're the same age. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 614

You deserved it 2 382

Today, my dad told me he's taking the whole family to Disney World, even my step-brother's girlfriend. But not me, because he can't "afford" it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 964

You deserved it 2 456

Today, I was babysitting a 9-year-old kid, when she got thirsty and asked for a drink. All I could find was some kind of Mexican fruit drink, but I didn't realize until too late that it was actually hard liquor. I had to scrub her mouth out with toothpaste and put her to bed to cover it all up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 621

You deserved it 48 823