Love: Today, my girlfriend named my penis "little baby carrot." FML

By Anonymous - 16/08/2009 17:14 - United States

Today, my girlfriend named my penis "little baby carrot." FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 098

You deserved it 10 949

Labour Day: Rest or Disaster?
Find out how a day off can turn into a series of hilarious, unexpected events. More…

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Same thing different taste

By Tickdick - 24/03/2017 21:00 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, I got out of the shower and noticed a tiny leaf on my penis. With legs. Squirming. I have a new nickname. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 316

You deserved it 551

By stopinthenameoflove - 19/06/2014 14:37 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, my girlfriend thought it'd be witty to buy a miniature stop sign, and hold it up when she gets bored during sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 083

You deserved it 15 423

By why - 05/04/2011 15:25 - United States

Today, I learned that my parents' nickname for my fiancé is "dickwad." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 735

You deserved it 6 602

By Pita - 04/12/2010 20:35 - United States

Today, I learned that the cute pet name my boyfriend has been calling me for the past month is actually an acronym for "pain in the a**". FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 365

You deserved it 6 574

By Anonymous - 26/09/2015 12:08 - United States

Today, I found out that my contact name in my girlfriend's phone is "Dipshit McFucktard". FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 937

You deserved it 3 986

By Noname - 16/01/2009 20:43 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me I smell like vegetables. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 622

You deserved it 6 658

"shortcomings"

By Anonymous - 24/02/2018 01:30

Today, my girlfriend and I lost our virginity to each other, or so I thought. I heard her on the phone with her sister saying that I’m definitely the smallest dick she’s ever had, but the size of my bank account encourages her to overlook my shortcomings. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 904

You deserved it 631

The Conquest of Bread

By Anonymous - 26/04/2021 11:00 - South Africa - Cape Town

Today, my boyfriend and I were playing around, tickling each other. He grabbed my stomach roll and told me it looked like a baguette. FML

I agree, your life sucks 848

You deserved it 251

By nick - 06/03/2011 01:42 - United States

Today, my dad got drunk and asked if I had inherited his "abnormally tiny penis." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 433

You deserved it 3 813

By loserllamalick - 07/10/2013 14:32 - United States - Rochester

Today, my boyfriend was rubbing my leg. He started laughing and said, "Babe, is this your leg, or am I petting Daisy?" Daisy is my dog. I need to shave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 717

You deserved it 39 677

spidergirl41 0

Sunday 16 August 2009 22:48

Does she like carrots? Also, don't forget the ranch!!! xD

Dmaster22 0

Sunday 16 August 2009 22:47

your penis is orange? JK FYL

Comments

gemini02 0

Monday 17 August 2009 8:50

One of the funniest I've read in a while!

tommyboy1392 0

Monday 17 August 2009 9:06

really my girlfriend named mine the great white. YDI for having a small ****. go **** a bunny

YungMarlon23 0

Monday 17 August 2009 9:15

Ahahahahahahah!!! FAAAAAIL, dats jus sad! ahahahaha

Waffleiron 0

Monday 17 August 2009 9:42

Ask if your girlfriend can rename your dong Falcon Punch. Or just christen it yourself and have a ceremony with her.

Kiwi_Splash 0

Monday 17 August 2009 10:28

It's better that she hinted it off in a cute way rather than gossiping about it to all her girlfriends.

blockaid56 0

Monday 17 August 2009 11:56

lol

EzZy_Alpha 0

Monday 17 August 2009 14:16

Awww,that's cute.

_i_h8_my_life_ 0

Monday 17 August 2009 17:05

Ha..whn i saw dis it made me lmao!!! but rly..mayb she was being kinky.. did u ask wat she ment?

jgrissom 0

Monday 17 August 2009 19:34

Roflmao

Dopehead666 21

Monday 17 August 2009 19:48

I don't understand why people want to name dicks.

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The Top

Today, I took a girl on a date. This girl is tiny, about 4 ft 10 and petite. She ordered a 16 inch pizza, garlic bread, wings, fries, and multiple drinks, and damn if she didn’t eat every bite of it, it was impressive. Until we were screwing later and she vomited the whole meal down my chest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 542

You deserved it 167

Today, I threw an elaborate surprise birthday party for my boyfriend of four years. He thought we were going to a quiet dinner but when we arrived, thirty of his friends jumped out and surprised him. Instead of kissing me to thank me, he broke up with me because of how easily I had lied to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 720

You deserved it 4 756

The Top

Today, my mother taught my 98-year-old great-uncle to knock on the wall if he needs us. He can't remember who we are, but every hour he can remember to knock to ask, "Is it breakfast yet?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 812

You deserved it 4 145

Today, it's our third anniversary. After a candlelit dinner and a midnight boat ride, my wife turned down sex, because "it's too cliché." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 409

You deserved it 3 712

Today, swimming with a friend, we had the bright idea of throwing our swimsuits into the water, letting the current bring them back. Mine never came back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 251

You deserved it 785

Today, I was supposed to hear back from a major scholarship competition. After months of waiting, during which my parents were convinced I had won, I discovered that my entry had never been received. Apparently the woman I had confirmed with had had a long day, and lied so that she could go home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 928

You deserved it 2 869

Today, I met my long-distance boyfriend in person for the first time. He insisted on bringing all of his friends, and when he went to the bathroom, one of them punched me in the face for "stealing his bro". FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 167

You deserved it 412

Today my husband went to buy a car from some guy from Facebook. He ended up giving the guy $1000 upfront before receiving the title or bill of sale. So now, we have a car we can't use, we're completely broke now and the guy is ghosting us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 508

You deserved it 1 063

Same thing different taste

"shortcomings"

The Conquest of Bread

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