Love: Today, my girlfriend named my penis "little baby carrot." FML

By Anonymous - 16/08/2009 17:14 - United States

Today, my girlfriend named my penis "little baby carrot." FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 099

You deserved it 10 949

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Same thing different taste

By Tickdick - 24/03/2017 21:00 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, I got out of the shower and noticed a tiny leaf on my penis. With legs. Squirming. I have a new nickname. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 316

You deserved it 552

By stopinthenameoflove - 19/06/2014 14:37 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, my girlfriend thought it'd be witty to buy a miniature stop sign, and hold it up when she gets bored during sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 084

You deserved it 15 424

By why - 05/04/2011 15:25 - United States

Today, I learned that my parents' nickname for my fiancé is "dickwad." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 735

You deserved it 6 602

By Pita - 04/12/2010 20:35 - United States

Today, I learned that the cute pet name my boyfriend has been calling me for the past month is actually an acronym for "pain in the a**". FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 365

You deserved it 6 575

By Anonymous - 26/09/2015 12:08 - United States

Today, I found out that my contact name in my girlfriend's phone is "Dipshit McFucktard". FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 937

You deserved it 3 986

By Noname - 16/01/2009 20:43 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me I smell like vegetables. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 622

You deserved it 6 658

"shortcomings"

By Anonymous - 24/02/2018 01:30

Today, my girlfriend and I lost our virginity to each other, or so I thought. I heard her on the phone with her sister saying that I’m definitely the smallest dick she’s ever had, but the size of my bank account encourages her to overlook my shortcomings. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 906

You deserved it 631

The Conquest of Bread

By Anonymous - 26/04/2021 11:00 - South Africa - Cape Town

Today, my boyfriend and I were playing around, tickling each other. He grabbed my stomach roll and told me it looked like a baguette. FML

I agree, your life sucks 849

You deserved it 252

By nick - 06/03/2011 01:42 - United States

Today, my dad got drunk and asked if I had inherited his "abnormally tiny penis." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 433

You deserved it 3 813

By loserllamalick - 07/10/2013 14:32 - United States - Rochester

Today, my boyfriend was rubbing my leg. He started laughing and said, "Babe, is this your leg, or am I petting Daisy?" Daisy is my dog. I need to shave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 717

You deserved it 39 678

spidergirl41 0

Sunday 16 August 2009 22:48

Does she like carrots? Also, don't forget the ranch!!! xD

Dmaster22 0

Sunday 16 August 2009 22:47

your penis is orange? JK FYL

Comments

littlelexi 0

Tuesday 26 July 2011 2:50

you must be a ginger.

painterpeace 0

Wednesday 3 August 2011 7:35

ohh small penis stick that sucks maybe ur bag is bigger haha laccrosse reference lolz

Tummytumsxd 1

Wednesday 10 August 2011 21:20

Hahaha atleast she didnt say penut lol tgat would be worse

itzProPain 10

Tuesday 30 August 2011 5:36

ZING!

Honda288 2

Monday 19 December 2011 6:23

We males have to live with what god gives us. Don't feel bad, your not the only needle-dick out there.

cheezebuiscut 0

Thursday 19 July 2012 3:50

Lol weeeell carrots are actually naturally black & the words Black,Penis & little dont go 2gether sooooooo TECHNICALLY.........

jaytee1994 9

Tuesday 31 July 2012 12:01

We'll my girlfriend named mine, " mr pebbles " lmao!

goliatron 9

Tuesday 3 December 2013 15:03

I hope you nicknamed your girlfriend "One Slapped Bitch!"

josh770 2

Wednesday 25 December 2013 19:20

Lmao

itssoratchet 10

Friday 12 December 2014 12:42

heheehehhe

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The Top

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I agree, your life sucks 314

You deserved it 588

Today, it was my second day of house-sitting. I was so out of my mind from not seeing people that I invited a bunch of friends over for dinner. I said I would pay for pizza and we could all hang out in the house. Even with an unsupervised house and free food, no one showed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 949

You deserved it 396

The Top

Today, my father called the cops saying I stole his car. It's my car, but his name is on the title. Why did he report it stolen? Because rather than taking him to a bar and being his designated driver, I went to a job interview. FML

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You deserved it 142

Today, I found out I'm pregnant. My husband and I are divorcing because HE had an affair. He now wants a paternity test. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 431

You deserved it 3 631

Today, I went to the grocery store. My checker was very hot. When it came time for me to pay, I swiped my debit card and the machine kept rejecting it. Sure that I had money in my account, I did it again, before the cute checker informed me that I was swiping my driver's license, not my debit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 348

You deserved it 52 288

Today, I started the internship of my dreams. The company has nothing for me to do, so I sit and stare at the clock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 034

You deserved it 109

Today, my boss praised me for always ranking first at work and how she hopes I keep it up for a long time. I then had to awkwardly hand her my letter of resignation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 969

You deserved it 1 922

Today, my friend paypal'd me some money to tide me over until my school loans come through. For a transaction description, he wrote "to get back in that pussy game." It got red flagged, and I had to talk with three female customer service agents before it went through. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 902

You deserved it 4 558

Same thing different taste

"shortcomings"

The Conquest of Bread

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