Love: Today, my girlfriend named my penis "little baby carrot." FML - FML

By Anonymous - 16/08/2009 17:14 - United States

Today, my girlfriend named my penis "little baby carrot." FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 098

You deserved it 10 949

May Day: Lily of the Valley and Misunderstandings
When lilies of the valley bring good luck... or not! Discover the stories behind every little bell! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By Tickdick - 24/03/2017 21:00 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, I got out of the shower and noticed a tiny leaf on my penis. With legs. Squirming. I have a new nickname. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 316

You deserved it 551

By stopinthenameoflove - 19/06/2014 14:37 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, my girlfriend thought it'd be witty to buy a miniature stop sign, and hold it up when she gets bored during sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 083

You deserved it 15 423

By why - 05/04/2011 15:25 - United States

Today, I learned that my parents' nickname for my fiancé is "dickwad." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 735

You deserved it 6 602

By Pita - 04/12/2010 20:35 - United States

Today, I learned that the cute pet name my boyfriend has been calling me for the past month is actually an acronym for "pain in the a**". FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 365

You deserved it 6 574

By Anonymous - 26/09/2015 12:08 - United States

Today, I found out that my contact name in my girlfriend's phone is "Dipshit McFucktard". FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 937

You deserved it 3 986

By Noname - 16/01/2009 20:43 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me I smell like vegetables. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 622

You deserved it 6 658

"shortcomings"

By Anonymous - 24/02/2018 01:30

Today, my girlfriend and I lost our virginity to each other, or so I thought. I heard her on the phone with her sister saying that I’m definitely the smallest dick she’s ever had, but the size of my bank account encourages her to overlook my shortcomings. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 904

You deserved it 631

The Conquest of Bread

By Anonymous - 26/04/2021 11:00 - South Africa - Cape Town

Today, my boyfriend and I were playing around, tickling each other. He grabbed my stomach roll and told me it looked like a baguette. FML

I agree, your life sucks 848

You deserved it 251

By nick - 06/03/2011 01:42 - United States

Today, my dad got drunk and asked if I had inherited his "abnormally tiny penis." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 433

You deserved it 3 813

By loserllamalick - 07/10/2013 14:32 - United States - Rochester

Today, my boyfriend was rubbing my leg. He started laughing and said, "Babe, is this your leg, or am I petting Daisy?" Daisy is my dog. I need to shave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 717

You deserved it 39 677

Next

Top comments

spidergirl41 0

Sunday 16 August 2009 22:48

Does she like carrots? Also, don't forget the ranch!!! xD

Dmaster22 0

Sunday 16 August 2009 22:47

your penis is orange? JK FYL

Comments

bobby222 0

Sunday 16 August 2009 23:14

YDI for having a rabbit for a girlfriend.

waterynuggets 0

Sunday 16 August 2009 23:16

Lmao

the_deuce 0

Sunday 16 August 2009 23:26

LMAO funnyyyy

pinksprankles 2

Sunday 16 August 2009 23:23

Lmao....Extenze?? Haha Tell her that you didn't know she liked eating carrots so much :P

Lucky_strike_fml 0

Sunday 16 August 2009 23:25

OMG! :D:D:D:D

SaintJimmy 0

Sunday 16 August 2009 23:32

Much worse than "Lil' Buddy". Scrubs fans, anyone?

some_random_dude 0

Monday 17 August 2009 1:02

scrubs high-five (the todd reference)

Raheemdplayer 7

Sunday 16 August 2009 23:33

Doesn't this mean your carrot 'juice' is gonna make ginger kids? FYL

Fadakar 0

Sunday 16 August 2009 23:34

Wow, LITTLE Baby Carrot, as if baby wasn't enough. I'm so sorry.

BioProject 0

Sunday 16 August 2009 23:50

#23, wrong FML? lol

airplanefood 0

Monday 17 August 2009 3:40

Nope, #23 was just saying that people should be able to take a joke and not get hurt, and that the joke proves how comfortable they are with each other. It's interesting how similar this FML and the next one is - he gets offended by a small penis joke, and she gets offended by a fat joke.

lonelyboy23 0

Sunday 16 August 2009 23:53

This happened on an episode of Rescue Me a couple of weeks ago...

helpmeiamblind 0

Sunday 16 August 2009 23:56

Well, if she's still happy to play with it then whats the problem? And if it's any consolation, my girlfriend nicknamed mine "Mongo"

urmomsass 0

Monday 17 August 2009 0:09

I thought his name was squirtle?

Night22_fml 4

Monday 17 August 2009 6:22

Apparantly he evolved.

1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10

Keywords

Health Relatable Public freakouts Music Scams Geek Poopoo peepee Awkward Jewelry Bikes Cops Transportation Family Kids Fight Miscellaneous AITA Mother in law Love Relationship advice Social Media Art Work Students Birds Animals Sleep Noise Mental health Contraception

The Top

Today, I was told by my sister over the dinner table that some guy is telling people I’ve had sex with him; that’s not even the worst part. He’s telling people my sister walked in. One, I haven’t talked to him in years; two, he’s really not my type, three, I’m in a relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 140

You deserved it 96

Today, my roommate started packing up for when we move out in August. Thirty boxes later, I realized she's leaving me with only a dishtowel and a skillet while she traipses through Europe for the summer. She even packed the silverware. And the curtains. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 359

You deserved it 476

The Top

Today, I had to chase my dog all the way down the street, watching in horror as she proudly showed all of my neighbors my bra. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 837

You deserved it 5 946

Today, 2 years into our relationship, my boyfriend's parents still have no idea about me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 290

You deserved it 4 610

Today, after I had filled up my car and got into it I saw a cute guy running towards me. I flashed a smile and left the door open and said, "Hey" when he was next to me. He said, "The pump is still attached to your car, you really should be more careful." FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 396

You deserved it 46 622

Today, I was doing the laundry and changing the bed sheets. I found most of my underwear under my step daughters bed, when I asked her, she said that she liked the way they smelled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 651

You deserved it 193

Today, after a dangerous and painful emergency caesarean, I received an SMS from a guy I turned down for a date, saying he was crying and so excited to meet 'our' baby. I've barely even shaken hands with this guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 500

You deserved it 235

Today, after taking my jacket off at work, I found a large faint stain all across one side of my shirt. Turns out that my fiancé had used it to "clean up the bed." I am the manager of a supermarket with 40 employees. It was pretty obvious what it was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 438

You deserved it 5 436