Kids: Today, my cousin came over. I left my iPod on shuffle in the...

By SomeDJ - 12/08/2009 03:34 - United States

Today, my cousin came over. I left my iPod on shuffle in the room we were in as I left to go to the bathroom. When I came back she was jamming out to "My Dick" by Mickey Avalon. She won't stop singing it and her mom is coming over to pick her up in an hour. She's 4. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 106

You deserved it 46 872

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Same thing different taste

By christinabear - 15/04/2009 05:14 - United States

Today, I was woken up to my mom playing the piano awfully. I screamed down the stairs "you suck, stop playing!" Turns out it was my 5 year old cousin playing a recital. For my entire family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 888

You deserved it 88 859

By shittysongs - 07/03/2013 02:39 - United States - Bothell

Today, I was so bored at a dinner party that I went to the bathroom to play games on my phone. One of my co-workers came in, so I rushed into a stall, but forgot to turn my phone's sound off. She heard it and said, "It's OK, music helps me shit too" and started blasting her music and grunting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 902

You deserved it 7 102

A modern classic

By Anonymous - 14/12/2023 00:00 - United States - Atlanta

Today, my friend has been continuously played Skibidi Toilet on repeat and singing the song. She's 28. FML

I agree, your life sucks 370

You deserved it 114

By anonymous - 07/05/2014 23:06 - United States

Today, I had the house to myself, and I started talking to myself and singing at full volume. When I went to use the bathroom, I found my constipated cousin looking at me strangely. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 010

You deserved it 5 711

Make it stop!

By MsGlaDos - 12/06/2013 21:45 - United States - Austin

Today, I accidentally left some music playing on my iPad, then left to do some errands. When I came back, I found it smashed into a million pieces. Apparently, grandpa couldn't find any other way to "shut off that goddamn music." FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 622

You deserved it 12 269

By Braelynn - 26/01/2011 07:48

Today, my 4 year old cousin is staying overnight. Every time I fall asleep he wakes me up to tell me I fell asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 193

You deserved it 3 783

Earbleach

By Anonymous - 01/05/2013 16:13 - United States

Today, I was getting ready, when I heard my dad in the shower. He was singing along to the song "The Wheel in the Sky" by Journey, except he'd changed the lyrics and was singing, "The dick on this guy needs a rubbin'." It turns out my mom was in the shower with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 420

You deserved it 5 578

By Anonymous - 14/09/2013 21:51 - Canada - Sherwood Park

Today, my 16-year-old cousin came to visit for the week. So far, she's said "raunchy", "cray-cray", "legit", and "like" an uncountable number of times. She's only been here for a half hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 861

You deserved it 3 749

By Anonymous - 22/06/2009 13:32 - Singapore

Today, my 9 year old nephew found his way onto my iTunes. I now have 401 songs titled "aidfj3P" by "ffjiel". FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 128

You deserved it 7 158

Ayy Macarena

By fired - 27/06/2012 20:48 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was babysitting a four-year-old girl, when I came across a toy that sang the Macarena. For fun, I decided to teach her the dance. When she showed her parents, instead of putting her hands on her backside and turning, she decided to bend over and moon them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 219

You deserved it 3 057

FlaminYawn 0

Wednesday 12 August 2009 12:47

My dick cost a late night fee, your dick got the HIV

cherlana32 0

Wednesday 12 August 2009 12:33

I love that song!

Comments

LaitsGo 0

Friday 23 July 2010 11:11

ahha, freaken love that song . my dick got a ceased due. tour dick needs a tweezer, dude :)

kathrynclw 0

Thursday 13 January 2011 3:12

haha this song is awesome :)

ginormica 0

Thursday 10 February 2011 11:33

hilarious!!!

sincerely331 0

Sunday 10 April 2011 14:26

That song is hilarious! I first heard it on harold & kumar escape from Guantamo Bay

nseman94 0

Saturday 28 May 2011 0:29

funniest song ever. too bad a four year old heard it. lmfao

ifetayo 2

Thursday 18 August 2011 0:23

I said FYL because that is my song! hopefully she'll forget? ... :/

easymac11 0

Thursday 18 August 2011 20:16

My dick , bigger than a bridge your dick look like a little kids :)

Undead4life 1

Sunday 28 August 2011 3:00

My dick large like the Chargers the whole team, yo shit look like your 14

Richspartan372 1

Friday 7 October 2011 5:26

****** boss awesome song right there, the younger generation needs some culture like that. Kudos, my friend, kudos.

bagleface 6

Sunday 27 November 2011 17:10

Yo dick got the HIV

Keywords

Relatable Health Public freakouts Music Scams Geek Poopoo peepee Jewelry Awkward Bikes Cops Transportation Family Fight Kids Miscellaneous Mother in law AITA Social Media Love Relationship advice Art Work Students Sleep Birds Animals Noise Mental health Contraception

The Top

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, when his condom came off inside of me. We couldn't get it out, so I had to tell my mom, who didn't know we were sexually active, and then go to the ER. After an unsuccessful visit, we came home only to find the condom in my sheets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 236

You deserved it 37 867

Today, one of my roommates bought new cowboy boots. He insists on wearing them indoors. Every morning he paces up and down the linoleum areas of the apartment with the boots on until he absolutely has to go to work, waking us up with the clomping noises. I and my other roommate work night and graveyard shifts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 383

You deserved it 69

The Top

Today, while I was explaining my troubles to my therapist, he asked me, "And don't you have someone you can tell all that?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 770

You deserved it 111

Today, my girlfriend thought it would be a good idea to help me get over the fear of my upcoming rectal exam by surprising me with one of her own halfway through our lovemaking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 732

You deserved it 5 119

Today, I woke up to my two year old crawling in bed with me and saying, "I poop". Normally this would be ok, but this morning she decided she didn't need a diaper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 271

You deserved it 4 011

Today, I got on the Megabus for a 6-hour journey from London to Plymouth. I then realised I'd forgotten to fill up my water bottle and charge my iPod. It's a fully packed, sweaty hot loud coach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 340

You deserved it 1 323

Today, at the end of a really long day my boyfriend was rubbing my back. I told him I appreciated how sensitive he was being. His response? "I was just trying to figure out how to unhook your bra." FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 307

You deserved it 8 948

Today, I saw a cute guy and decided to say hi. As I started to think about things to talk about, one story in particular about a drummer who looked like Jesus stuck out in my mind. I was so nervous that instead of saying hi, I blurted out, "Some people look like Jesus!" and took off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 640

You deserved it 8 896