Animals: Today, I woke up from a dream in which my girlfriend gave birth...

No offense meant, but it was a dream. Reality is what physically transpires, not what you think or wished that happened. No counting counting what you see under the influence of mind ir perception altering substances either :)

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The Top

Today, I was with my boyfriend. He got up, shut the blinds and turned around to say, "I don't usually shut the blinds, but no one can see this." Assuming we were going to have sex, I took my pants off. He asked me what I was doing, then sat down to eat an entire tub of ice cream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 263

You deserved it 2 123

Today, while I was showering, someone left a note on the bathroom door that read, "We can all hear you masturbating. Shut the hell up." I don't know what's more embarrassing, that everyone in my house thought I was masturbating or that I was actually singing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 052

You deserved it 372

The Top

Today, I logged onto Final Fantasy XIV to enjoy the new expansion, and had to wait through an hour queue of almost 2k people. I made it all the way to number 88 in line, when the servers crashed. By the time I got back in, I was put in a new queue over 2k long. FML

I agree, your life sucks 980

You deserved it 327

Today, I had a customer propose to me. I work at Taco Bell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 598

You deserved it 101

Today, while at my boyfriend's house waiting for him to shower, his mother slams a pair of underwear on the table and tells me that if she ever finds something like that in her son's room again, she is forbidding him from seeing me. The underwear isn't mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 759

You deserved it 2 620

Today, my girlfriend and I went to a shop known for its hardcore sex toys. We happened to run into one of my university lecturers and her wife discussing butt plugs with a member of staff, and then saw my aunt and uncle at the register. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 694

You deserved it 1 198

Today, my husband’s coworker made lunch for him again complete with a “cute” note. I cook every day, but somehow this single woman finds it appropriate to cook and pack lunch for my husband. When I told him it needs to stop, he said I was being too jealous, and she’s just a nice lady. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 148

You deserved it 134

Today, I delivered a pizza to a former coworker. He answered the door with his pants below his ass and his junk hanging out of his boxers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 583

You deserved it 1 641