Intimacy: Today, I was making love to my girlfriend and was pretty impressed...

By sadinthesack - 31/08/2009 18:56 - United States

Today, I was making love to my girlfriend and was pretty impressed with myself for lasting through multiple songs. Then I realized her ipod was playing a medley. I only lasted 3 1/2 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 887

You deserved it 10 932

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Same thing different taste

By RollieCollieUSA - 30/01/2009 17:27 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I lost our virginity to each other. Before, I reached over to her computer and put on "Your Body is a Wonderland". Surprisingly, I lasted through the song and didn't realize her iTunes was on random. "Rape Me" by Nirvana came on. I still finished. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 723

You deserved it 6 661

By sixsix - 24/12/2008 11:19 - France

Today, I made love to my girlfriend. I penetrated her for a while, then stopped to get my breath back... She carried on moaning even though I'd stopped moving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 162

You deserved it 8 656

Fast and Furious

By Anonymous - 02/03/2020 01:00

Today, my girlfriend were having sex. When I finished, she whispered in my ear, "30 seconds." FML

I agree, your life sucks 871

You deserved it 1 765

Careless Whisper?

By InsultToInjury - 28/12/2018 04:00

Today, I had a one night stand. After her laying there without moving for ages, she impatiently asked if I'd finished. Once she got bored and told me to just finish myself off, her song playlist began playing "Never Gonna Dance Again". Very romantic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 095

You deserved it 1 242

By fuckingads - 13/02/2017 19:00 - United States - Brookfield

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex to music, which we hadn't done before. I was getting close when it cut to commercial. I was so turned off by the idea of coming during an ad break that I didn't come at all. Thanks Spotify. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 686

You deserved it 2 137

Ed Shitren

By tommy - 20/12/2011 22:41 - United States

Today, after spending months learning how to play the guitar and memorizing the music to my girlfriend's all-time favorite song, I performed it for her. Her response? "Well, you kind of ruined that song for me now." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 007

You deserved it 5 596

By imsorrylove - 31/03/2010 04:44 - United States

Today, I took pills to make sure I lasted longer with my girlfriend. Good news? It worked fine and is still working now. Bad news? We've been done for a good two hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 206

You deserved it 33 110

Bored

By Taylor parsons - 29/10/2010 04:48 - United States

Today, my girlfriend was going down on me. She only did it for 30 seconds, stopped, then said, "I'm not in the mood anymore." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 423

You deserved it 7 538

By Anonymous - 06/05/2009 20:12 - Canada

Today, after practicing a song for my girlfriend on guitar all day, I called her over to my house to show it to her. After a long speech about how "this is for you," I played for about 3 seconds before I broke a string, which slapped her in her face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 271

You deserved it 6 370

By waitforit - 23/04/2009 11:42 - United States

Today, I thought it would be really hot to watch porn while my girlfriend and I were having sex. I got so hot and aroused that I came before the previews even ended. That was less than one minute. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 371

You deserved it 93 746

vooper 0

Monday 31 August 2009 23:13

minute man, I CHOOSE YOU!

idratherbewrestl 0

Monday 31 August 2009 23:05

relax dont do it! when you want to come!

Comments

Picolli 6

Wednesday 27 June 2012 11:56

PINCH THE TIP! PINCH THE TIP!!

ibforever 3

Wednesday 15 August 2012 4:55

As if the half a minute counts

Bravehooves 7

Wednesday 15 October 2014 11:14

Hey, lasted longer than me xD

dreadlocmask 15

Sunday 10 May 2015 14:47

Must be a personal best for you

withered 30

Tuesday 5 July 2016 12:27

FHL.

TooTall0231 9

Thursday 3 October 2019 20:45

I didn't realize lasting longer than 20 minutes was a more common problem than not. I've never had that problem and I'm 28.

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The Top

Today, after having sexual intercourse with my boyfriend, we went downstairs to find his parents had come home early and had heard everything. I then received a long scolding from his mother of how I'd disrespected her house. My boyfriend received a high-five and a thumbs-up from his dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 028

You deserved it 5 459

Today, I was babysitting this 12 year old. We were watching a movie, and he was being an angel just laying with his head in my lap. He fell asleep so I closed my eyes and had a little nap. When I woke up he had taken my shirt off and was feeling up my boobs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 275

You deserved it 14 941

The Top

Today, I spent an hour in my car terrified to go inside because I thought my house was being burgled. I saw rapid shadows in the light of my lounge. Eventually I plucked up the courage to creep inside with a rock to find it wasn't a robber. It was my cats, fighting in front of a toppled lamp. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 187

You deserved it 6 567

Today, my grandpa came into my room and asked for a pen. As I gave it to him, he let rip the foulest fart I've ever smelled in my life, and walked out without a word. 2 hours later, the smell is not only still there, it's filled the room. Looks like I'm sleeping downstairs on the couch tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 310

You deserved it 2 983

Today, my 70 year-old mother complained about the patio window being dirty. I asked her why she couldn't clean it, or anything else in the house for that matter. I was informed she can't clean windows because she's not left handed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 613

You deserved it 213

Today, it's been months since my spouse has talked to me. I'm currently in a timezone that's almost double digits difference. Not even a "Have a good day!" Big ass fuck you I guess. Yet they're always on, then gets off shortly after I'm on Facebook Messenger. Makes sense, right? Shady. FML

I agree, your life sucks 425

You deserved it 119

Today, I picked up a prostitute. The prostitute was my sister, and I picked her up from jail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 519

You deserved it 228

Today, my boyfriend came home drunk and thought it would be funny to spray himself in the face with pepper spray. I was in his drunken firing line too. After him vomiting and being blinded for a few hours, he was fine. I, on the other hand, had a terrible allergic reaction and got rushed to hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 712

You deserved it 5 485