Cats and Animals: Scaredy cat

Scaredy cat

By amazinghermit - 25/11/2014 04:21 - United Kingdom - Glasgow

Today, I spent an hour in my car terrified to go inside because I thought my house was being burgled. I saw rapid shadows in the light of my lounge. Eventually I plucked up the courage to creep inside with a rock to find it wasn't a robber. It was my cats, fighting in front of a toppled lamp. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 187

You deserved it 6 567

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Same thing different taste

Caught

By Anonymous - 25/10/2015 02:47 - United States - Apollo

Today, I woke up to noises in my living room. I was scared, but I loaded my gun and snuck downstairs. I burst into the living room, yelled for the motherfucker robbing me to put his hands up, and flicked on the light. My cat stared back at me like I was a moron then calmly walked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 596

You deserved it 7 907

By Anonymous - 29/08/2014 15:38 - United States - Hightstown

Today, after moving into my new house, I woke up to strange sounds coming from the kitchen. I panicked and started sobbing, convinced it was either a robbery or a home invasion. Turned out it was just my cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 898

You deserved it 12 530

Brain fart

By jonjon - 13/06/2010 13:16 - United States

Today, after spending the evening with friends, I went home and realized that the living room light was on. Thinking someone was robbing me, I hid behind a bush. I got impatient and crept up to the door. Then I remembered that I'd left the light on before I left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 954

You deserved it 47 290

Night terrors

By Anonymous - 24/02/2021 17:01 - Netherlands

Today, at 2 a.m. I heard a noise coming from the living room. I thought somebody must be breaking in, so I had to save my cats. When I opened the door, all I could see was the only plant I owned, all over the room. The cats just greeted me with a friendly purr, like they were happy I was joining them in their sandbox. FML

I agree, your life sucks 870

You deserved it 223

Spooked

By Anonymous - 15/11/2010 05:08

Today, I thought my house was being broken into in the dead of night. Frightened, I dismounted a floor lamp as a makeshift weapon and crept through the house, channelling my inner Ellen Ripley. It turned out to be the wireless printer with a paper jam. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 791

You deserved it 6 770

By haunted - 24/11/2011 20:30 - United Kingdom

Today, I was walking to the kitchen in the dark. Something caught my eye and I turned to see a man standing in the corner, clear as day. I jumped and closed my eyes for a split second. When I opened them, he was nowhere to be seen. I'm now terrified to live in my own home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 620

You deserved it 4 824

Ratatouille

By Anonymous - 16/10/2020 08:02

Today, after my house almost got broken into last week, when I heard some noises in the kitchen I went to investigate. I saw a huge rat run across my floor, and nearly peed myself thinking it was an intruder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 994

You deserved it 162

Haunted house

By Anonymous - 19/12/2020 16:58 - Germany

Today, I jumped when, after being home alone for days, I suddenly saw the door handle move. Apparently, the cats weren't happy about being locked out of the kitchen and were pretty close to figuring things out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 730

You deserved it 172

By Sarah1330 - 25/02/2015 04:33 - United States

Today, while trying to sleep, I heard what sounded like someone breaking into my house. I ran downstairs, only to find my cat had ripped down my blinds and was tangled up in them, thrashing around the floor like a fish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 399

You deserved it 3 339

Rude awakening

By Anonymous - 11/06/2021 16:01

Today, I experienced the fright of a lifetime when I woke up and heard my bedroom door opening. Fearing that there was an intruder, I picked up a bat and opened the door, ready to whack the mystery intruder. There was no one there. No one, except my cat, who apparently knows how to open doors now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 827

You deserved it 127

HeadlessSparrow 20

Tuesday 25 November 2014 12:32

be happy! at least you're not getting cat burglarized!

TommyG493 11

Tuesday 25 November 2014 12:32

Meowch

Comments

obnum 19

Tuesday 25 November 2014 12:31

Why is this an FML? You should be glad your house wasn't robbed :D Although an hour in your car seems annoying.

HeadlessSparrow 20

Tuesday 25 November 2014 12:32

be happy! at least you're not getting cat burglarized!

RA91 26

Tuesday 25 November 2014 13:01

Agreed

Sports_guy3 28

Tuesday 25 November 2014 13:25

@12- If only there was a button for that.

FluffyPandas156 13

Tuesday 25 November 2014 18:18

if there was. it would've been a CATastrophe

TommyG493 11

Tuesday 25 November 2014 12:32

Meowch

feven 32

Tuesday 25 November 2014 12:36

I'm suprised you didnt call the cops

devildog562 33

Tuesday 25 November 2014 12:38

Your cat-like reflexes were good. Better to be safe then sorry though op. At least you are safe when it could have ended a lot worse .

ckibb97 22

Tuesday 25 November 2014 12:46

Dude you need a pair

razoray9 22

Tuesday 25 November 2014 14:25

OP or the "dude" is a girl so she can't "grow a pair"

ohSNAPyall 26

Tuesday 25 November 2014 14:59

She needs a pair of glasses.

ekim300 26

Tuesday 25 November 2014 16:10

OP already has a pair of cats. I don't see how another pair would help.

Earths_Venus 25

Tuesday 25 November 2014 12:52

Brings a whole new meaning to cat burglar.

isabellasimone 18

Tuesday 25 November 2014 12:52

Are you kitten me? That's pretty funny.

lmfaofmllmafo 9

Tuesday 25 November 2014 13:12

pussy

un0m3 14

Tuesday 25 November 2014 13:18

I guess you don't have nerves of steel.

Keywords

Poopoo peepee Health Awkward Jewelry Kids Fight Family Love Work Relatable Students Noise Birds Animals Sleep Mental health Medication Contraception Racism Pregnancy Relationship advice Cheating Teenagers Friends Sex Intimacy Embarrassing Revenge Food Boredom

The Top

Today, after weeks of stealing lunch from one of my employees, he made a sandwich with canned cat food, soap, and something unimaginably spicy that caused me to spew all over my office and laptop. I fired him. Now everyone is treating me like a monster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34

You deserved it 1 594

Today, I got stuck in an elevator. The help-line told me, "Don't touch the door. We'll be there soon". Two hours later, I had a headache, my legs were stiff, and my date must've thought I stood her up. The tech finally arrived, pries the door open, then rudely asked, "Why didn't you do that yourself?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 451

You deserved it 3 567

The Top

Today, I orgasmed in front of someone for the first time. Too bad it was my dad who didn't knock before coming in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 576

You deserved it 6 617

Today, my wife gave me my Christmas gift, a novelty kitchen sponge, then suggested I try it out on the sink full of dishes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 399

You deserved it 1 032

Today, I was sent to the hospital after being hit by a car while on my bicycle. The police officer said it was my fault for not looking, even though the car pulled up without looking. I now have a small herniated disc in my neck and abrasions on my thigh. FML

I agree, your life sucks 952

You deserved it 215

Today, I had a flat tire and took it to the local tire store. Turns out, the guy I had sex with once and ghosted was working there. He fixed my flat and asked if I remembered him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 358

You deserved it 1 659

Today, in an effort to actually be productive for once, I decided to clean out my closet. However, I ended up getting distracted by old photos, started crying over past relationships and dead pets, and didn't end up getting anything done whatsoever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 722

You deserved it 401

Today, my boyfriend of 7 years left me for the woman I had previously expressed concerns about. I wouldn't feel so bad if he hadn't dumped me and then got with her not even two hours later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 934

You deserved it 129

Same thing different taste

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