Health: Today, I realized the only reason I chose to lose weight is that...

By Username - 03/05/2011 19:51 - United States

Today, I realized the only reason I chose to lose weight is that I can never cross the crosswalk fast enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 228

You deserved it 34 430

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Same thing different taste

Strange metric

By Anonymous - 03/11/2020 01:57 - United States

Today, I decided that I need to lose weight when I discovered I could no longer chew on my own toenails. FML

I agree, your life sucks 231

You deserved it 1 505

Careless and carefree

By Anonymous - 12/08/2022 07:00 - Romania

Today, when I crossed the street, I almost died because of a careless driver, but when I crossed it again on my way back, I got hit by a bicycle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 687

You deserved it 284

Boozehound

By sad fat drunk - 25/05/2020 05:00

Today, I realized that my one and only motivation to lose weight was the fact that it would take less alcohol to get me blitzed if I didn’t weigh as much. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 154

You deserved it 462

By Anonymous - 30/12/2010 07:14 - Australia

Today, I finally went running to help me start losing weight. I got 50 metres before someone in a passing car shouted out "Run fatty, run". I can't work up the courage to go for a run again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 072

You deserved it 7 395

By anonymous - 25/07/2013 01:31 - United States - Chicago

Today, I was going so slow in traffic that my GPS asked me if I wanted to switch to pedestrian mode. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 295

You deserved it 8 131

By CreeptacularBait - 27/05/2018 19:00

Today, after over a month of running to lose weight, I can’t walk without crying from the shooting pain in my legs. My husband is upset that I won’t go to the grocery store, make his lunch, or go hiking with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 520

You deserved it 811

By LadyJane - 13/01/2017 14:21

Today, I was trying to exercise more, so I went for a walk. I was quickly overtaken by a middle-aged lady with cankles, carrying heavy shopping bags in each hand. I'm 19, skinny, and apparently very unfit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 827

You deserved it 2 553

Health is overrated

By Anonymous - 16/03/2022 12:00

Today, trying to get into shape because I run out of breath after walking more than 30 minutes, I started to hit the gym. Too bad my legs didn’t want to cooperate and decided that it would cause limping-worthy pain for every step I took on the treadmill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 772

You deserved it 182

By Lou - 01/06/2010 15:59 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to the supermarket; it was taking me ages to walk home because of the heavy food bags. Halfway home, I realised I had gone in my car. I had to walk all the way back to get my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 569

You deserved it 58 686

New day, same shit

By PickYourselfUp - 06/10/2014 03:17 - United States - Chesapeake

Today, was the day I would turn my life around and start losing weight. I went outside for my first run and said, "I got this!" I confidently stepped forward, the first symbolic steps to my new life. In the anticipation, I forgot my porch had steps. I face-planted on my driveway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 900

You deserved it 8 652

griffin4 0

Wednesday 4 May 2011 0:17

like the penguin. he too waddles

marijuanasmoker4 3

Wednesday 4 May 2011 0:22

You could gain more weight, and just roll across the crosswalk.

Comments

jessiecstll 0

Wednesday 4 May 2011 2:04

so, keep going so you can cross it lightning fast

l_e04 1

Wednesday 4 May 2011 2:23

at least you're trying to get more in shape...

leeshxx 3

Wednesday 4 May 2011 2:25

wow you spelt boners. congratulations? was there actually a point to that comment

Melofa 7

Wednesday 4 May 2011 2:32

haha 42 I totally agree

MovingOn09 0

Wednesday 4 May 2011 2:41

sometimes the light is too fast.

mango260 9

Wednesday 4 May 2011 2:47

I'm skinny and I still can't make it on time :)

ihasbrains 10

Wednesday 4 May 2011 8:09

Obviously not skinny enough! lol.

mango260 9

Wednesday 4 May 2011 22:32

lols size one? is that skinny enough?? :PP

koolkat27 13

Thursday 12 April 2012 7:30

134- I can never make it on time either, and i'm not even overweight. The light just turns too damn fast:(

byronvance 0

Wednesday 4 May 2011 2:51

ya beating that 15 seconds is hard work.. think how grandma feels u should get a car but then how big would u be

butterflyz1961 2

Wednesday 4 May 2011 2:56

Well that's a good reason. You don't want to get run over.

chucksonmifeet 0

Wednesday 4 May 2011 3:01

lmaooo neither can I don't worry !

royalleaf 4

Wednesday 4 May 2011 3:05

lol

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You deserved it 96

Today, I asked out a girl I’ve been hanging out with for a few months. She said, “That’s kind of gross.” When I asked her about, it she said, “My friends will think you’re creepy” followed by, “You’re not actually a creep, they say you look like one.” I groom myself every day like a normal person. FML

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You deserved it 101

The Top

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I agree, your life sucks 8 325

You deserved it 48 463

Today, I ended up in the ER because I ruptured a testicle by accidentally sitting on it. Last time I ever go commando. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 580

You deserved it 4 645

Today, I was babysitting a four year-old. He was mad and began hitting me. I told him to use his words not his fists when he's mad. He then began telling me how much he hated me, and that I should go die and never come back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 443

You deserved it 18 509

Today, I was getting intimate with my boyfriend, when my upstairs neighbor decided to take the longest piss known to man. He moaned the entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 667

You deserved it 4 832

Today, to avoid walking on a thumbtack that had fallen on the floor, my little sister took a red sharpie to the carpet and drew a circle around it, "so that way, everyone will see it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 435

You deserved it 42

Today, I realized I'm very much in love with my old boyfriend. I got married to someone else a few months ago, who I also very much love. FML

I agree, your life sucks 295

You deserved it 1 191