Health: Today, I learned that you should never, ever, under any circumstance,... - FML

By emilygreeny - 18/06/2010 05:42 - United States

Today, I learned that you should never, ever, under any circumstance, take a laxative and a sleeping pill on the same night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 467

You deserved it 57 084

Labour Day: Rest or Disaster?
Find out how a day off can turn into a series of hilarious, unexpected events. More…

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Same thing different taste

By xoxoblondee - 25/02/2017 07:00 - United States - Valley Village

Today, I learned the hard way why no matter how constipated you are, it is never a good idea to use a suppository when you are tired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 254

You deserved it 1 173

Stuck

By Anonymous - 09/08/2022 10:00 - Australia

Today, I had to take a laxative for the first time. Instead of working gently overnight like it promised, I woke up at 3 a.m. to an unrelenting river of shit that made my legs numb on the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 022

You deserved it 133

By notgood - 04/01/2021 16:01 - Canada - Saskatoon

Today, I accidentally took an Ex Lax instead of an Immodium. It's gonna be a fun night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 681

You deserved it 311

By Anonymous - 26/09/2018 23:00 - United States - Perrysburg

Today, I got random constipation followed by diarrhea. It's 1:30am and my sleeping medication is making me fall asleep, but every time I try to get off the toilet I get another diarrhea spasm. Either I fall asleep on the toilet or shit myself in my sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 981

You deserved it 221

By Username - 30/04/2011 04:49 - United States

Today, I was cruising with a coworker and his friend, and I started getting tired. His friend offered me a caffeine pill. It wasn't caffeine. It was laxatives. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 123

You deserved it 7 963

Geometry

By sickpuppy - 08/09/2019 12:00

Today, I learned the hard way that when sick, throw up, then have diarrhea. Not the other way round. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 418

You deserved it 164

By Anonymous - 18/11/2015 14:50 - Canada

Today, I read the instructions on my new prescription constipation medicine: "For best results, defecate before use." FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 731

You deserved it 1 710

By michael - 14/02/2012 02:55 - United States

Today, I found out that getting drunk and attempting to take a dump out of a second-story window is a very bad idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 191

You deserved it 41 998

Droopy

By creepingjennie - 05/06/2020 02:00

Today, I learned that working while taking muscle relaxers is not as fun as it sounds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 062

You deserved it 539

By Anonymous - 01/10/2018 15:30

Today, I learned that one should not sleep with their roommate's friends, especially the ones that never go home. I spent the whole weekend in my room just to avoid the awkwardness. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 568

You deserved it 3 502

Next

Top comments

lad088 0

Friday 18 June 2010 16:21

why would you even try that in the first place?

erikjh1234 0

Friday 18 June 2010 16:20

u got the squirts in your sleep!!! lmfao

Comments

stellajean 0

Sunday 20 June 2010 2:16

i agree with number 42; && i even have a book that says this.

hoopstar15 0

Sunday 20 June 2010 6:58

this is now one of my favorites hahaha

wan21_fml 0

Sunday 20 June 2010 8:20

lmarof hahahahhHahHHHHAaaaaaaaaah

salooty 0

Sunday 20 June 2010 12:19

LMFAO !!!!!!!!

lilkim_fml 0

Sunday 20 June 2010 17:48

i LOL'D SO hard when I found out what laxative was!! (english is not my language..) this is one of my favorites now! :)

lilkim_fml 0

Sunday 20 June 2010 17:50

lolXD

WTFWTFWTFWTFWTF 0

Monday 21 June 2010 14:35

that would be sooooo shitty for your wife........,,

Doc_Holliday 0

Monday 21 June 2010 20:28

Very original. This has only been circulating the internet for about 9 years. What's next, you gonna do Henny Youngman jokes and pass them off as your own?

TheOtherNewest1 6

Monday 28 June 2010 18:34

I'd love to know what train of thought led up to taking these two pills at the same time. "I've been really constipated of late and I'd really like to take a shit. But I'm sooooo tired..hey, what's the WORST that could happen?" Idiot.

lilkim_fml 0

Wednesday 30 June 2010 14:32

OMG!! I swear I laughed for full 5 min a this !!! HAHAHA!! would have loved to see the look on your face when you woke up!!

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The Top

Today, I told my husband to stop his friendship with our neighbor’s 17 year-old daughter. They claim they just play video games together, but lately he’s been uninterested in sex and barely shows me any affection. He vehemently said, “It’s not like we’re fucking or anything! Chill!” and stormed out of the house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 684

You deserved it 131

Today, one of my roommates blew a fuse by running a personal heater on full overnight. I notified our landlady that I had to get a new fuse; she came over to pay me for it. Only as I heard landlady's horn did I see another roommate's girlfriend's car; she stayed overnight and isn't allowed to. Both roomies got evicted and blamed me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 437

You deserved it 91

The Top

Today, my 17 year-old brother asked me if I used birth control. When I told him I did, he responded, "Isn't that like using an inhalor when you don't have asthma?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 603

You deserved it 219

Today, it was the concert of my life. I had bought tickets the minute they went on sale, and I'd anxiously waited until the concert date. Thirty minutes before the show, my friend got so drunk that we weren't allowed in, and I was stuck babysitting her all night in the hotel, completely missing the show. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 534

You deserved it 4 610

Today, my girlfriend and I lost our virginity to each other, or so I thought. I heard her on the phone with her sister saying that I’m definitely the smallest dick she’s ever had, but the size of my bank account encourages her to overlook my shortcomings. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 904

You deserved it 631

Today, I was dumped by my boyfriend of almost a year because he was no longer sexually attracted to me because I'm "overweight," even though I only weigh 130 pounds. Afterward I went to my friend's house and sat in an old wooden chair. It broke into pieces as soon as I sat down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 94 097

You deserved it 9 826

Today, a customer checking out a camera at my pawnshop asked if the memory cards got erased. I said yes. He asked if I had a case for it and I left to get it. I came back and the guy said, "There's naked pictures on this memory card!" I Look at the LCD screen and it's a picture of his own dick, which he'd just taken in the store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 567

You deserved it 99

Today, I found out that my fiancé's parents are refusing to pay for a honeymoon, because they "didn't have one, so neither will we", meaning they won't pay for a single thing for our wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 653

You deserved it 16 033