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By tayluh26 / Monday 15 February 2010 05:03 / United States
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By  IndigoKitty  |  3

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

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By  IndigoKitty  |  3

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

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  me199  |  0

Take a hint they dont like you. And #1 its usually tradition for the brides parents to pay at least some.

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  TrekkieGirl  |  0

Agreed with the previous postings. Honestly, if you're old enough to be getting married, then you should be able to afford to pay for the wedding and the honeymoon. If you can't afford it, then you need to figure something out. It's not the parents responsibility, it's yours. YDI for not planning ahead.

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  girlygirl666  |  0

I agree. It sounds like his parents don't like you, so they're not at all happy about this wedding. On a side note: I know today is a holiday. Silly me; I thought it was Presidents' Day. After reading these last three FMLs, I realized it's Whiny Bitch Day.

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Grow some Damn Balls and Pimp Slap the parents and tell them "if you ever want to know your grand kids you'll pay up!" Just like that.

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  wasted0087  |  0

I've read a lot of these posts... How stupid is everyone, I saw like one intelligent post, I agree with that person only. It is tradition, also it costs a lot of fuckin' money for a whole wedding for one oerson/couple to pay for, look up all the costs, from clothing to renovations for after party to honeymoon resort/location costs. Would you want to pay for all that? Seriously use your brain you have one (I think you guys do) for a reason.

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  darras  |  0

I don't think it's unreasonable to pay for it all yourself. My husband and I saved for two years so that we could afford to pay everything for our own wedding. We asked for monitary contributions to the honeymoon for wedding gifts so that we could also afford to pay to go to Malaysia for three weeks for honeymoon. It's perfectly possible to pay for it all yourself, it's your day, why should your parents pay for it? I'd never even consider asking my parents to pay for it.

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  idkweird  |  0

I've had more than one set of friends ask for cash in lieu of presents specifically so they can have more money for a Honeymoon. Also, when I was engaged and planning, my fiance at the time and I were saving up to pay for everything that was traditionally the groom's side. His parents were both on a limited income, and it would have been completely unfair of us to assume they could afford it. My parents, on the other hand, could afford it and WANTED to pay for it. The want part is key. You're an adult, you can pay for things yourself. If that means cutting costs where you can, you do it. Also, Ive never heard that anyone BUT the couple is supposed to pay for the honeymoon. We were going to pay for ours. Traditionally, in American culture at least, the bride's family pays for the wedding and the reception, and the groom's family pays for the rehearsal dinner and the flowers. At least that's the tradition I was brought up with. I know in other cultures, the groom's family pays for everything. Either way, quit being a spoiled brat and come up with the money yourself!

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  sourgirl101  |  21

Why is everyone writing like they know about traditions? Brides parents pay for the wedding and grooms parents pay for the honeymoon and reheral dinner. They are on their own and finding that out. OP it sucks for you 'cause girls dream about the perfect wedding since young. Damn you people for not understanding. I'm sure it will all work out in the end. Good luck with your wedding plan. F his folks, don't let them bring you down.

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  idkweird  |  0

#89: There are a lot of couples that pay for everything by themselves. Resorts and reception areas aren't necessary. My parents had their reception in our backyard. Ive had friends who had some catering by a mexican food place in the middle of a park. There are definitely ways to make it less expensive.

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  idkweird  |  0

#107: Traditions vary by culture. In some cultures the groom has to pay a dowry for his wife. I believe in the Chaldean culture, the groom and his family pay for everything. Also, no gifts are given. Only cash. At least this is from some of the people who lived in the neighborhood I grew up in.

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  idkweird  |  0

sourgirl, so am I. Born and raised in San Diego. In east San Diego, Chaldeans have a HUGE community. We also have areas of town that are predominantly vietnamese, hispanic, or whatever. It's ignorant to think that people don't continue their cultural traditions just because they're in California.... Also, the way I was raised, the couple always pays for their own honeymoon. We have always done bride's family pays for the whole wedding/reception, groom's family pays for the flowers and rehearsal dinner. I have never really heard of it being tradition that the groom's family paid for the Honeymoon.

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  sourgirl101  |  21

#111 oops sent too quick. the op is from Cali. I kno about different traditions I'm half Trinni. American's usually has who pays for what. you don't have to do it that way but it's nice to know you can depend on your parents. You depended on your friends to help you. I'm sure some of your friends didn't like the idea of you asking for cash instead of a gift that might of cost less then you knowing the exact amount they gave you. I'm sure you said I can't believe so and so only gave me $80 cheapo!!

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  sourgirl101  |  21

#111 I agree with you. I got married at the court house also. Married 16 years paid for everything myself. Just missed not walking down the aisle in a church. It's something I have always regreted. I just wanted pp to know that somethings are worth having and parents helping is sometime needed.

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  idkweird  |  0

Yeah, it wasn't me who did that. I do have my parents to help, and my mom loves to do it. I won't be asking for cash, but my friend and her husband who did it, it wasn't bad. I only gave them 40 bucks, but they knew I drove 7 hours home to be there for their wedding. They just didn't have a lot of spending money for their honeymoon because they paid for everything themselves. I don't think they really care how much they got, because it was just extra. Also, in the Chaldean culture, according to some, they usually make back more than what was spent on the wedding. I am actually Sicilian Catholic. I tend to go by Catholic traditions when it comes to weddings. Even those change from one area to the next.

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  idkweird  |  0

sourgirl, I understand completely. I know myself and with my family, it's impossible to have a small wedding. When I was planning with my ex, I had a list of about 250 people, and like 12 were his. I have my mom's side, my dad's side, and my step-dad's side. I did what I could to reduce costs, like booking the reception at a military clubhouse (San Diego is GREAT for those) where food was about 6k cheaper than anywhere else in town, and you don't pay taxes! Ive known since I was little that I wanted a big wedding. For me, it's celebrating your love with those who love you :) I know that when the time comes, it will be wonderful. I also have always known that I want my monsignor to do the ceremony, because he is beyond amazing. I don't know if it will be in a church or not, but because I am who I am, my Monsignor would willingly do it elsewhere for me :) Everyone wants their day to be special to them in a certain way, it's just not ok to expect someone to pay for things like the OP is doing. It may not be right and they may be being rude for the wrong reasons, but the fact is, the OP can't expect them to pay. :/

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  avoidthegirl  |  6

Uhhh except if they're going by "tradition," the groom/his parents pay for a honeymoon. I don't know why so many people are getting their panties in a bunch over this. I don't really expect my parents to pay for any of my wedding but they are. Then again, they eloped and didn't really get to do the whole wedding experience. My fiance's parents paid for his sister's wedding entirely; it's not like it's completely uncommon. The FML here is her future in-laws reason for not paying for a honeymoon. It's the whole "well we didn't get one so neither will you." That's pretty douchey if you ask me.

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  st0815  |  9

Just because something is traditional doesn't mean it has to be done that way, that's correct. For example inviting the parents is traditional. Your parents or your in-laws don't owe you a dream wedding, that's true. However why not elope and spend some money on a nice honeymoon?

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  nviedemerde  |  0

Exactly...If you're old enough to be engaged, you're old enough to pay your own bills, including YOUR wedding and YOUR honeymoon. Grow up. I'm getting married at 20 and my fiance is 21. We're paying for EVERYTHING. Dress, venue, food, honeymoon.

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  amazinggbaby  |  2

It's TRADITION for the brides parents to pay for the wedding. OP was not being a cheapass by posting this and complaining about it, his parents probably instilled that belief in him.

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  ImaginaryFoe  |  0

#141, please refer to pendatic's response #96. It pretty much says it all, especially the last paragraph. Most everyone is aware of the traditions but they are not laws. There are a lot of traditions are in courtship and marriage and I highly doubt OP followed all of those.

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  psyco5000  |  0

pay for ur wedding urself. it's YOUR wedding. I hate people who always depend on "mommy and daddy" to pay for everything. and if ur wedding costs too much, don't have such a huge wedding. u don't need a $4000 dress and a $20000 party, dumbass.

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  zosfrosty  |  1

Those things are luxuries. You earn them. If you don't make the money to afford them you don't deserve them. I'm tired of this sense of entitlement attitude people have these days, fucking redonkulous....

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  Roaster  |  0

nah dude - times have changed. Tradition does not equal reality any more. Only wealthy parents pay for weddings - us middle classers have to pay for that stuff ourselves.

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  RsJp  |  0

the way it works is tht the brides parents are supposed to pay for some of the wedding. look it up, it's been done tht way for a long time.

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  lovefeast1217  |  0

My fiance and I are both in College, and we are both taking 19 credits, and go from 7 am till midnight everynight with work. We have our own apartment that we pay for and our entire wedding and honeymoon is being paid for? How? WE HAVE JOBS!!!!! Our parents work hard for their money. They are helping us plan and thats contribution enough. Period. If you want something, you should work and pay for it yourself. Don't be greedy

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  nyny26  |  0

just because you decide to get married doesn't mean anyone suddenly owes you anything... and if you were actually planning anything with 'tradition' in mind you would know it is the husbands duty to take his new wife on a honeymoon, not his parents... not that that is the only way it has to go, but if the two of you can't save enough to take even a short trip together then maybe you need to find a way to be more stable financially. Mommy and Daddy shouldn't be part of the finances in your marriage!!!

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  Attica  |  20

The present young generation is spoiled and self-entitled. Way back when, when it was normal for parents to pay for/contribute to weddings, people generally got married in a church, in simple ceremonies, with relatively simple dress, a simple cake, and maybe some flowers if they were lucky. Other than eloping, there weren't full "destination weddings", wedding favours, giant five-tier, five flavoured, elaborate wedding cakes, there were usually not a garden's worth of flowers, receptions booked at nice hotels with open bars, and dinner served. The expenses now are huge compared to what they were...if people want their dream wedding with all the bells and whistles, they should pay for it themselves. Society has changed, and therefore we need to adapt; people want all the benefits of the traditions of the past with none of the negative things and difficulties that go with it. People usually don't get married at sixteen anymore, they generally don't enter the workforce full time at that age, and it's normal for women to work now...so going on about dowries and certain kinds of financial tradition is now irrelevant, since women are now commonly financial contributors rather than dependents. In any case, if you want to get married and start a life with someone, it's your responsibility to make that happen financially, physically and emotionally.

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  CoGhostRider  |  31

I paid for my wedding and my honeymoon. Why because I'm an adult and I was the one getting married. Op should definitely grow up and reconsider getting married until they are more mature

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  ladiesman14  |  0

thanks ! so you saw the movie "no country for old men? i actually look like this guy. lots of girls like him, especially the ones with tattoos and tongue rings.

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  ForestFire0  |  1

That's all well and good if the parents are ridiculously wealthy, but in today's world of a 50% divorce rate and 10% unemployment, it doesn't seem fair or make sense to expect the parents to pay for anything. Weddings can cost upwards of $200,000 and if a bride and groom want to spend more than they have, they should be the ones to go into debt.

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  ImaginaryFoe  |  0

Traditionally, the bride's family paid for the wedding and the groom's family paid for honeymoon. Traditionally, weddings were also arranged and a dowry was paid. Traditions can be overrated.

By  metrockick10  |  0

So then pay for your own honeymoon if you want one. While it is tradition for families to pay for the wedding and honeymoon it's not like it's required. Get over yourself and stop thinking you're somehow entitled to having a honeymoon. Work for it if you want it.

By  FockinA  |  0

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

By  heartagram_in_ro  |  0

They are already married why should they pay for a wedding?! you want to get married then you pay for it. I couldn't afford a big wedding so we got married at the courthouse. It cost $30. :p

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  birds_fml  |  7

Where did you go that it cost $30? My husband and I got married at the courthouse too, but it cost $25 for the license and then $75 for the judge's time to marry us. The rings were the most expensive... $400 for 2 wedding bands, but then, I figured we're going to wear them all the time so we better get something good that won't cause a rash. My mom and dad paid for the "reception," which was dinner for 6 at the Japanese steakhouse. They also bought a small 2 tier wedding cake, which was my mom's idea, I didn't want a cake. And here's the real kicker, OP. My parents are loaded. They were willing and able to pay for a big fancy wedding for me and my husband. I didn't want to spend a bunch of money - even someone else's money - for what amounts to showing off. You are incredible spoiled and selfish for EXPECTING someone else to pay for something YOU want to do!

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we got married at the courthouse and it didn't cost us anything. i think the judge knew my gram or something. then the family all came over to party and gave us money so we turned a profit. niiiice.

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  Thisbe_fml  |  0

Well aren't you a saint. Also: despite being so sanctimoniously frugal about your wedding, your parents still paid for your shitty steakhouse dinner (which is more than the OP's fiance's parents are willing to do). Six people and (I'm assuming, because the rings were the most expensive part) your wedding dinner still cost less than $400? There is no more memorable way to celebrate a once-in-a-lifetime event than dining at a cheap, mediocre restaurant. So did you marry him for a green card, or what? And you weren't cheap because you can express your love for your husband without a showy wedding, or because you prefer intimate gatherings, or because you're poor, or any other legitimate reason to forgo an expensive wedding. You were cheap because you "didn't want to spend a bunch of money for what amounts to showing off." (Though I guess you don't mind showing off when it's free, because that's what you're doing here.) In other words, you didn't do it because it makes you happy, you did it because you're insecure about what other people think of you. God forbid it looked like you were showing off! Maybe the OP wants to spend money on a wedding that actually makes her happy, and isn't concerned about what it looks like to the rest of the world.

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  mezsed  |  0

Or maybe happiness comes from being with the husband/wife, and some people don't care about a big fancy party, but marrying for a green card? all i got to say is fuck you thisbe.

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  birds_fml  |  7

First of all, posting anonymously on a comments thread isn't "showing off." I don't even use my usual internet alias in this place. Second of all, the fact that we went to a steakhouse to eat afterwards was because of my parent's insistence. $50 a person is NOT cheap! The fact our parents were there at all was also at their insistence, I would've rather had it just been the 2 of us, the judge, and a witness. And the day I got married is NOT the most important day of my life, not even close. I'd have to say that the day I met my husband is FAR more important than marrying him. We were already committed before the wedding, the wedding just made it officially recognized. It did not change anything in our relationship, except our tax status. We didn't celebrate our love by getting married, we celebrated it by agreeing to spend the rest of our lives together. Being married merely makes certain legal things easier, such as rights to visitation in the hospital should one of us get sick. Why contemporary culture has turned this into a big expensive public event is beyond me.

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  sourgirl101  |  21

#24 Thats you! Good for you if that the type of wedding you wanted. I also got married at the courthouse. Most people want to be married in a church in front of God and family. Op is not saying she want a huge expensive wedding. She saying his folks won't help 'cause they didn't have a honeymoon and don't think she should too. I'm sure you had a honeymoon. And if your folk are loaded like you say Im pretty sure you gotten a hand out from they through out your marriage.

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  Thisbe_fml  |  0

So you say that you were already committed before the wedding, and the wedding just made it officially recognized? Do you think that makes you special…? Because, uh, welcome to what weddings are for and why people have them. You love someone and you want to spend the rest of your life with them, so you spend a day articulating and formalizing your mutual devotion in front of your friends and family. Or, in your case, screw the friends and family because it’s totally better to do it for the taxes. Does your humorless penny-pinching carry over into all aspects of your married life? Is your idea of dinner and a movie eating instant ramen while watching USA? Do you only have sex if it is for procreation and the lights are on so you can clip coupons at the same time? Also, though there are certainly cheaper places to eat, $50/person is hardly remarkable, especially if drinks are included. Your parents are allegedly loaded and you have no idea what a decent meal costs? You can’t buy taste, I suppose (and you in particular are such an apathetic tightwad that you wouldn’t even if it were possible).

By  sugarbabyxoxo  |  2

I've never in my life been at a wedding the parents didn't help pay for.. that's traditionally how you do it. all my aunts and uncles, mom and dad, cousins, and family friends have done it that way... your honey moon though... that's your issue... and the dress and clothing and all that stuff is usually bought yourself... I've noticed anyway. even all my friends familys are like that... weird maybe in Canada we do shit like that differently? I can't really see it being much different.

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  noype  |  0

Most of my friends have paid for their own weddings, and that's in Canada. I expect to pay for my own. If I want to have a big fancy party I should be willing to pay for it. If I'm not then I shouldn't have it.

By  IfuckedMYlifebad  |  0

i know it's been said before, but still, pay for your own fucking wedding. you must be the laziest person in the world to expext them to pay for even some of your wedding. I knew someone who spent $75000 on there wedding. not one cent from their parents/inlaws and they got divorced 6 months later. man up and earn some money you lazy bitch.

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