Miscellaneous: Today, I got home from work to find my house covered in graffiti...

By Anonymous - 11/07/2011 07:42 - Australia

Today, I got home from work to find my house covered in graffiti dicks, the windows smashed, the front lawn entirely ripped up, and my letter box containing dog shit. I also found a note taped to the door saying, "Suck on this Darren". Darren is my next door neighbor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 583

You deserved it 3 283

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Same thing different taste

By sammyxoxo - 18/12/2011 08:32 - Canada

Today, I stepped into a pile of dog shit on my doorstep, along with a note saying, "Keep your dog out of my yard." I don't own a dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 771

You deserved it 2 771

By Lindso1 - 06/07/2018 01:30

Today, I came home to find my home had been broken into. Nothing was taken, but all the drains were plugged and the water left blasting on high, with a note that said “enjoy the mess”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 216

You deserved it 241

By egged - 01/10/2009 06:43 - Singapore

Today, I came home from work and found my house egged, and bricks thrown through my windows. I called the police, and submitted a report. Later that night, I heard the doorbell ring. Nobody was at the house, but there was a note saying "Sorry, wrong house". FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 153

You deserved it 2 262

Don't mind me

By Anonymous - 16/04/2012 12:38 - United States - West Palm Beach

Today, I watched as my neighbor walked to my front lawn, looked me right in the eye, and pissed on my mailbox. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 004

You deserved it 3 393

By Sarah - 17/08/2012 07:45 - Canada - Penhold

Today, my house got broken into. They just made a mess. I saw a note on the kitchen table that read "There's nothing good here. You have shitty stuff." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 130

You deserved it 3 058

Spooked

By fucking mafia or what?? - 12/01/2013 22:02 - United States - Marysville

Today, I opened my front door to go out for groceries. Lying on my doorstep was a pile of poop. A piece of paper was taped to the ground beside it that read, "Do it again and you'll get more than dog shit." I don't have the slightest clue who I pissed off, or how. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 002

You deserved it 3 455

By ugh - 14/06/2011 17:56 - United States

Today, I woke up to a homeless man relentlessly shitting on my porch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 694

You deserved it 3 921

By wellokaythen - 14/05/2013 19:52 - Canada - Brampton

Today, I heard noises outside my front door. I looked out through the window, only to see my boyfriend encouraging his dog to take a dump on my welcome mat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 926

You deserved it 5 106

My dear neighbor

By Anonymous - 22/02/2020 18:00

Today, I had a very sweet and romantic love note brutally scratched into the door of my brand new car. It was addressed to Cindy. Cindy lives next door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 285

You deserved it 133

Suburbia

By Anonymous - 26/07/2011 14:05 - United Kingdom

Today, the only thing that managed to get me out of bed was scrambling to watch my neighbours have a screaming match in the middle of our street, about which one of their brain-dead kids spray-painted "CUNT FLAPS" and a rudimentary knob on the communal garage door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 855

You deserved it 3 022

dissapointed101 4

Monday 11 July 2011 16:15

darren would be getting an ass whoopin and he better start cleaning.

greenbox 0

Monday 11 July 2011 16:17

the first that I do when my property gets raped is post on fml. not call the police, but share my story with the Internet.

Comments

HungerGames95 13

Friday 15 July 2011 21:30

why is this in the sex category...?

kristena103 14

Sunday 17 July 2011 6:07

awwaw thats sad i would stab that guy and slap darren

GOttALUVGiNA 0

Monday 18 July 2011 19:07

darren and his mate needs an ass whooping

lalagurl11 6

Saturday 23 July 2011 8:40

like my boobs

GVirdi 11

Tuesday 11 October 2011 9:14

U be taking one for the team huh

Kanashi_fml 0

Friday 21 October 2011 4:00

HAHAHAHAHAHA. This is my favourite FML. My fiancees name is Darren, and I always say this to him :3

bieberfreak18 0

Monday 28 November 2011 23:21

someone needs to learn there adresses

eatsleeprun 1

Friday 20 April 2012 4:09

Your profile says you want to model.... But you have your profile as a boob shot.....

artmastr 0

Saturday 4 February 2012 1:11

Ah coming from you it's gonna be a hell of a lot worse so who knows it could've been on purpose.

RaizerBerry 3

Monday 23 July 2012 12:44

You should find that person, smash there windshield, and leave a post-it that says "Your GPS sucks!"

ihatethislyfe 4

Tuesday 1 January 2013 3:46

this is probably irrelevant but why is this in the intimacy section?

Keywords

Instagram Social Media Love Awkward AITA Shopping Money Intimacy Sex Anxiety Wanker Health DIY Relatable Kids Weather Cars Miscellaneous Work Transportation Embarrassing Jealousy Vacation Family Language Cute Education Students Parents First Dates

The Top

Today, I was in an online meeting when my cat decided to say hello. To do this, he walked in front of my screen, completely obscuring it in his fur. He then logged me out of the meeting by walking across the keyboard. Three times. Every time I tried to pick him up to make him stop, he got upset and attacked me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 202

You deserved it 381

Today, I found out my best friend works at my husband’s job. He calls her his “work wife.” I had no idea they worked together, nor the fact that he calls her that. I used her phone to call my husband and she has him as “Work Hubby” with a heart emoji. The worst part? They insist nothing is going on between them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 508

You deserved it 131

The Top

Today, I wanted to buy a pack of cigarettes. My wife, who didn't want me to get them, decided it would be a good idea to jump on the hood of the car while I was driving off. She hit the car and fell off. My neighbor saw this. Neither her nor the cops believe me when I say I didn't hit her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 128

You deserved it 4 852

Today, I was digging in my lawn, trying to ignore the suspicious glances coming from my nosy fuckball of a neighbor. When he asked what I was doing, I replied with dripping sarcasm, that I was digging up the schoolkids I killed last year. Fifteen minutes later, the cops he called arrived. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 176

You deserved it 9 580

Today, I found out the "sex noises" I heard from next door last night, which I'd angrily yelled at my neighbor for, were actually from him having an uncontrollable seizure. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 669

You deserved it 15 158

Today, I walked in on my mom blow-drying my grinning dad's pubes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 272

You deserved it 4 576

Today, I played a table tennis final in public. After winning, I went to shake my opponent's hand. He doesn't react or move. It was only the first set. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 166

You deserved it 12 303

Today, I offered my seat to an elderly lady on the subway. She quietly refused. Minutes later on a sharp turn, she almost fell down on two people. As I was clearly the youngest in the disability seating section, everyone on the train turned and glared at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 726

You deserved it 3 960