Miscellaneous: Today, I got a text message from my ex from about a year ago,...

By Anonymous - 11/07/2011 04:48 - United States

Today, I got a text message from my ex from about a year ago, asking if my 4-day-old son was his. I don't know what's sadder - the fact that he thinks a gestation period can last 11 months, or that he's more willing to step up to the plate than the baby's actual father. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 865

You deserved it 9 440

Labour Day: Rest or Disaster?
Find out how a day off can turn into a series of hilarious, unexpected events. More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By both are dimwitted - 23/12/2014 18:32 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, my ex called, saying she's 3 months pregnant. She seems to have forgotten that we haven't been in the same room, much less friends, in over a year. My dimwitted wife thinks the baby is mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 485

You deserved it 4 656

Fool me once…

By Anonymous - 08/07/2022 12:00 - United States

Today, my ex showed up at my doorstep, claiming to be pregnant with my baby. Of course, I pointed out we broke up ten months ago and hadn't seen each other again until just now, and she is currently six months along. She actually admitted to my face that she figured I'd be too stupid to put the pieces together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 629

You deserved it 130

World's #1 father

By Anonymous - 27/08/2022 10:00

Today, my baby daddy texted me after months of me being alone and pregnant, asking if we could hang out. I'm on bed rest, and almost due. FML

I agree, your life sucks 819

You deserved it 278

By kelly.duggan - 21/04/2014 04:03 - Canada - Carleton Place

Today, I went to get an ultrasound done. I texted my ex, who's the father, and told him how adorable its little feet are, and asked him why he didn't come. I got a reply with two words: "DNA test". FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 667

You deserved it 11 830

By =( - 05/04/2014 17:48 - United States - Houston

Today, I had to tell my ex that I'm pregnant with his baby. I sent him a casual "Hey :)" text to try to ease into things. He replied, "WHO THE FUCK IS THIS?" and ended up threatening to make my life hell if I don't tell my new boyfriend that the child is his. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 730

You deserved it 14 418

Revelations

By Anonymous - 04/01/2021 02:01

Today, I got a message from a woman. It was my boyfriend of five years' ex-girlfriend, telling me that she’s pregnant with his baby and that they’ve been together for a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 200

You deserved it 68

Denial

By Isabella - 20/09/2022 22:30

Today, I'm 9 months pregnant and the father of my child has suddenly decided that the child I've carried for 9 months isn't his, and that it was "too late" to try and fix our relationship. He's the only man who could be the father, he's just finding every excuse to say, "Sorry, but no thank you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 140

You deserved it 175

Deadbeat

By stepdaddydoesitbetteranyway - 13/10/2020 20:05

Today, I found out that my ex is expecting another kid. Not only is this a man who tried to hook up with me last month, he's also the one who, when I asked him to pay child support for our two, told me that he could just "make some more". Guess he was right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 248

You deserved it 169

By Guess I'm not getting laid - 03/08/2018 14:30 - United States - Glasgow

Today, as things were finally heating up with a guy I'm interested in, his ex-girlfriend from two months ago called. Guess who's pregnant and guess who's still in a seven-month dry spell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 608

You deserved it 361

By newdad - 06/09/2010 23:21 - United States

Today, I found out that I'm a dad. My ex from 8 years ago contacted me through facebook. I'm happy I have a kid, but apparently she only contacted me because she wants me to start paying child support, now her boyfriend who provided for them left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 819

You deserved it 6 004

kut19 6

Monday 11 July 2011 12:04

I'd say the deadbeat is sadder.

PennyLane27 32

Monday 11 July 2011 12:11

A man doesn't have to be a biological father to be a daddy!

Comments

jglenn88 0

Monday 11 July 2011 15:41

that's so sad. you should just tell him yes he's your son

pink_raindrops 26

Sunday 17 July 2011 4:53

Great advice...I'm guessing you'd be fine with finding out years later that the child you've been raising was never really yours even though the mother insisted it was.

EvilDave 13

Monday 11 July 2011 15:57

You dated both of them, had sex with both of them, and had a kid with one of them. You are the common factor here. YDI.

soad4life 2

Monday 11 July 2011 15:59

gestation is 40 weeks or 10 months. in Canada you can go to 42 weeks or 10.5 months before induction so 11 months isn't that far off. I've raised my son on my own since before birth and it's the best decision I could have made. Congratulations!!

geeksaresexy 18

Monday 11 July 2011 17:00

A pregnancy is totally 10 months! If all months had 28 days..

horneyhic 15

Monday 11 July 2011 19:09

there are 4.3 weeks in every month not 4

brookwick 0

Monday 11 July 2011 16:13

perhaps she is in touch with KatyPerry ?

LizzJizz 16

Monday 11 July 2011 16:23

I shall now assume that The father is probably neither Of them.... XD

nhaylee 0

Monday 11 July 2011 16:42

maybe you should learn how to pick better guys. especially if you're gonna have a kid with them. parents these days are raising our future and they dont even give them a sturdy family life.. FML

pink_raindrops 26

Sunday 17 July 2011 4:57

Even if she does raise the child on her own, it doesn't mean he wont have a sturdy home. Growing up without your dad doesn't make the child more likely to fail in life, become a criminal or anything like that.

felixshen 18

Monday 11 July 2011 17:24

maybe you should wear a ******* condom! Im not hyper religious and not against sex before marriage. But do you want your future son/daughter to be a "bastard"? Or worse, break up and have your children grow up without a "real" father/mother. All too often I see stupid shitty divorces, single parents and dumbass 18- parents who cant keep their legs shut or wear protection. seriously, think about it.

pink_raindrops 26

Sunday 17 July 2011 5:01

You're not religious, yet you're worried the child will be a "bastard"? The child already is a "bastard" since she's not married..OH NO his life is ruined forever. As long as she doesn't bring horrible people into her childs life he'll grow up fine.