Health: Today, I drew a face on a balloon and pretended to make out with...

By jazthefish - 12/07/2010 19:42 - United States

Today, I drew a face on a balloon and pretended to make out with it. The balloon popped and shot to the back of my throat, where it got caught. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 802

You deserved it 71 718

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Same thing different taste

By ven980 - 01/06/2011 21:21 - United States

Today, I had to blow up an air mattress using only my lungs. After nearly passing out from lack of oxygen, I realized there was a hole in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 840

You deserved it 29 519

By Jared - 25/02/2012 19:09 - United States

Today, I got so bored that I drew a face on my index finger, and made a video of me garrotting it with a string. I ended up rupturing a blood vessel, and had to think up a cover story for my girlfriend to explain my screaming. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 014

You deserved it 30 856

By E or - 13/07/2010 13:41 - United States

Today, I flew a toy airplane into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 890

You deserved it 40 213

By Anonymous - 18/02/2013 19:11 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I was about to make out with my boyfriend, so I quickly swallowed my gum. Moments later, I started choking on the gum, and ended up spitting it out into his face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 085

You deserved it 40 021

Classy.

By pist off - 05/03/2018 19:00

Today, I felt rain on my face. I looked up and saw a man peeing off a hot air balloon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 016

You deserved it 309

By doggybag - 24/09/2009 05:17 - Canada

Today, I was walking my dogs. I had a doggy bag, and was holding it closed, then breathing in it, so it would blow up. My dogs 'went', so I picked it up and kept walking. As I was heading home, I absent-mindedly started blowing into the bag again. Everything ended up in my mouth and on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 774

You deserved it 80 932

Cool moves

By littlegirl - 07/05/2011 04:46 - Canada

Today, I was sitting with my crush at lunch. Trying to flirt, I tried to stare seductively into his eyes while sucking on my straw. I missed. The straw shot straight up my nose, causing me the worst nose bleed of my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 583

You deserved it 45 352

By Anonymous - 13/03/2011 22:26 - United States

Today, in an attempt to impress a girl I like, I tried to crush a soda can by hitting it with my forehead. Not only did I fail, I knocked myself out in the process. When I regained consciousness, the girl was gone and someone had taken the liberty of drawing a penis on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 759

You deserved it 73 888

Protein source

By Anonymous - 13/08/2021 17:01 - United States - Chicago

Today, a gnat hit my forehead, fell into the space between my glasses and my face, and bounced off my eye while trying desperately to escape. When I tried to get my glasses off, it fell into my mask instead, and I accidentally inhaled it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 891

You deserved it 135

I'M SORRY!

By Anonymous - 25/08/2023 04:00

Today, I got back at my boyfriend for sticking the hoover nozzle in my mouth as a prank by doing the exact same thing to him. Unfortunately, it must have burst a blood vessel in his lip because it swelled right up and his entire lower jaw on the right side is just one massive bruise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 354

You deserved it 572

barbarajean 0

Monday 12 July 2010 23:23

Thats what you get for makin out with balloon boy. Damn pedo.

Hannalea_fml 0

Monday 12 July 2010 23:23

Someone needs a life.

Comments

phishlips 0

Tuesday 20 July 2010 22:33

Did you pop the question? Redefines the term deep-throating, doesn't it! I'm here all week.

aeckeard 0

Thursday 22 July 2010 6:38

clearly u r thee worlds worst kisser lol

oh_noes_that_suc 0

Sunday 25 July 2010 10:03

Thats rape followed by murder somebody arrest her!!!

Saiyza 4

Tuesday 27 July 2010 23:14

It's a good thing you survived, or else you would have to explain what happened. Insult to injury.

0opsie 6

Wednesday 28 July 2010 19:31

Haha, you made the balloon suicidal. :)

Compass 0

Monday 2 August 2010 4:29

Did you die?

OreosBeGooood15 0

Monday 30 August 2010 2:12

all I have to say is wow...and I agree with #44 lol definitely Fyl op

samadams42 0

Thursday 7 October 2010 2:08

ya that's what normal people do

MiiSsUnDerstood 4

Saturday 9 October 2010 3:47

Wtf is Op?..

Heussnhj 5

Wednesday 20 October 2010 20:07

'Pretended,' right..

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I got back a paper after a peer review. I had worked really hard on it over the last week and was proud of the end result. When I got the paper back, the only positive comment on the paper was, "Well, I really like the blue staple you used to hold it together." FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 884

You deserved it 5 250

Today, I hooked up with a girl at a club, and we had sex. She just lay there like a corpse the whole time. It got so bad, I ended up faking an orgasm and blaming the lack of semen on a botched vasectomy. She actually believed it. What the hell? FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 486

You deserved it 12 051

The Top

Today, my husband of ten years was playing the Sims. I asked him about the house he built. Apparently, it was his dream house, and he recreated himself as a Sim so he could live in it. Then I asked him where the wife was. There was no wife. It was his happy place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 938

You deserved it 10 907

Today, I went to my GP to discuss my anxiety. As I was explaining my symptoms, I accidentally farted loudly due to my nervousness. The doctor paused and said, "Well, let's address that as well." FML.

I agree, your life sucks 600

You deserved it 140

Today, my family and I were laying on my parents' bed watching a movie. My dad wrapped his arm around me and began rubbing my shoulder. That would have been fine, if it actually had been my shoulder and not my boob. Needless to say, we were both mortified. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 234

You deserved it 1 986

Today, my stomach growled so loud in class that a boy sitting next to me thought his phone had vibrated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 384

You deserved it 2 275

Today, I was feeling terrible so I called in sick to work. My boss refused to believe me and told me he'd fire me if I didn't come in. I dragged myself to work, only to spend most of the day glued to the toilet. Now he says I won't be paid for the day because I barely did any work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 856

You deserved it 2 716

Today, I went on a double date with my bestfriend. At the end of the night, her boyfriend gave her a long kiss, and texted her 5 minutes after we left to say he missed her already. My boyfriend picked his nose, then gave me a fist bump as a goodbye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 355

You deserved it 7 007