Intimacy: Today, I discovered that the only reason my husband is taking...

By Anonymous - 01/08/2012 09:02 - United States

Today, I discovered that the only reason my husband is taking yoga classes with me is because he wants to be flexible enough to suck his own rod. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 709

You deserved it 6 587

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Same thing different taste

MY EYES

By bleach bleach bleach - 22/12/2013 17:22 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, it's been a little over a month since my dad started taking yoga lessons. We always joked around behind his back that he was just doing it so he could get flexible enough to suck himself off. Well, that joke was confirmed as reality when I walked in on him trying just that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 824

You deserved it 7 743

By lonelygal69 - 19/08/2015 05:54 - United States - Stafford

Today, my husband decided he'd rather jerk off to the Wii Fit trainer than have sex with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 112

You deserved it 3 790

It's sus to us

By inder - 25/02/2011 16:03 - United Kingdom

Today, while having sex, I found out that I'm so flexible that when I bend over backwards, the backs of my knees can touch my shoulders. My boyfriend is now extremely jealous and is debating about breaking up with me. Even I don't get it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 845

You deserved it 4 744

Better safe

By stretchy - 06/05/2013 19:58 - United States - Bethesda

Today, my boyfriend forced me to do stretching exercises with him before and after sex as a "safety precaution". FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 668

You deserved it 9 353

By cameltoeyourface - 26/07/2010 00:42 - United States

Today, I was wearing my yoga pants for my boyfriend. He's infatuated with them. He claims they make my ass look nice. I found out it's because I constantly get a camel toe, and it gives him a semi every time he sees it. I found this out by listening to him and his father at dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 931

You deserved it 10 393

By Anonymous - 04/12/2018 15:00 - United States - Saint Joseph

Today, I realized that my husband's preferred sexual activities not only don't require me to take off my clothes, but go much better for him when I don't. He doesn't get why this makes me self-conscious about getting naked in front of him... FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 201

You deserved it 422

By Anon - 15/03/2016 06:52 - United States - Pasco

Today, my boyfriend and I were reminiscing and sharing funny stories of when we were little. It was then that he told me he used to be flexible enough to suck his own weiner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 866

You deserved it 3 044

Pragmatic

By Anonymous - 15/03/2010 14:05 - South Africa

Today, after confronting my husband about lack of intimacy in our marriage, I found him playing with himself. His response to my shock was, "This is less work and less involving." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 944

You deserved it 4 942

Wait for me!

By Anonymous - 06/04/2024 13:00 - United States - Marshfield

Today, my husband has recently discovered prostate play. He is now using my sextoys to pleasure himself and not telling me until after. He doesn't see the problem. FML

I agree, your life sucks 330

You deserved it 120

By LondonKitsch - 26/06/2009 16:51 - United States

Today, I finally got into a yoga class with the instructor I've been crushing on for 2 years. As he walked closer to greet me, I lifted my leg over my head into a full split, and queefed obnoxiously loud. He responded with his gag reflex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 823

You deserved it 29 760

saintsrocksocks 10

Wednesday 1 August 2012 19:01

Well somebody has to do it if you won't.

ChefPhilly 13

Wednesday 1 August 2012 19:03

Maybe somebody isn't doing their job enough...

Comments

SammySixx98 2

Thursday 2 August 2012 5:34

Soo he's taking one of your jobs????

challan 19

Thursday 2 August 2012 6:21

everyone is saying that's nasty... am I the only one that will admit that if I could do it I'd never leave my bedroom?

rebeccac3 5

Thursday 2 August 2012 6:22

Your husband sounds like a dumb dumb:)

Inheritance 10

Thursday 2 August 2012 6:35

Most guys would and will deny not wanting to self suck, when I bet you a great majority would love too.

shamonie22 9

Thursday 2 August 2012 6:51

Maybe you're not sucking it enough? Or maybe u should start doing it. Or maybe he's just weird.

LuckyLynx7732 5

Thursday 2 August 2012 7:23

That may not be gay, but it's right there on the edge. How to blow a guy is not knowledge I want or need, even if that guy is me.

funnychick101 1

Thursday 2 August 2012 7:29

Rather him do it his self then him getting another girl to to do it

roZen91 2

Thursday 2 August 2012 8:41

Wow what a cocksucker

Llama_Face89 33

Thursday 2 August 2012 16:58

Clever

2happy2frown 2

Thursday 2 August 2012 9:21

Well give him some -__-

friedbunnies 9

Thursday 2 August 2012 10:09

Well if you won't, someone has to...

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I came from a 12-hour shift to find my clothes and stuff outside, and the locks changed. I called my mom to let me in and she told me, “Hell the fuck no, I’m not having a drug addicted junkie up in my house! You’re no longer my daughter!” and hung up. Apparently, she found my stash of weed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 890

You deserved it 693

Today, the bank called to ask when were we going to make the mortgage payments for our family home. We were several months late. I had been transferring my mother the cash to make the mortgage payments after she lost her money gambling. She absolutely promised she would stop several months ago. I guess she lied. FML

I agree, your life sucks 620

You deserved it 1 623

The Top

Today, my 71-year-old grandmother survived cancer for the fourth time. I'm grateful, but at the same time I find myself feeling sad that she will soon be gone. She has COPD and constantly mentions that she is going to die soon. I wish I could build a time machine and go back to before she became terminally ill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 912

You deserved it 98

Today, I dressed cute to surprise my boyfriend of 2 years. Instead of being happy or impressed about it, he accused me of cheating and dressing up to impress a new guy he'd made up in his head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 701

You deserved it 134

Today, I went out for coffee with a guy I really like. We met up at the local café, and decided to sit at a counter in front of the window. We talked and flirted for a while. Then he kissed me, and while he was kissing me someone banged on the window. It was my parents. They didn't know I'm gay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 100 856

You deserved it 35 640

Today, I was told I have a brother… By a stranger in a parking lot, while leaving my grandfather's wake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 915

You deserved it 114

Today, I got a postcard from my boyfriend who is on vacation in the Caribbean. He's breaking up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 813

You deserved it 3 800

Today, my girlfriend was telling me how concerned she was about her weight. I told her not to worry, because it gives more cushion for the pushin' anyway. She picked up a lamp and threw it right at my dingleberries. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 057

You deserved it 76 289