Intimacy: Today, I cut my penis on a desk fan. FML - FML

By dumbassbuffet - 11/11/2011 15:53 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I cut my penis on a desk fan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 741

You deserved it 84 066

Labour Day: Rest or Disaster?
Find out how a day off can turn into a series of hilarious, unexpected events. More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By sharkgirl4 - 25/08/2014 16:17 - United States - Rialto

Today, I was trying to fix a broken desk fan. I'd taken the guard off and was trying to unscrew the blades, when my roommate decided it'd be funny to plug it in. The blades sliced into my thumb. I need stitches, and he still thinks it's hilarious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 065

You deserved it 4 389

By Anonymous - 29/11/2009 16:57 - United States

Today, my ceiling fan was rocking violently so I turned it off. I stood under it trying to figure out what the problem is, it fell on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 560

You deserved it 13 133

By Username - 02/08/2011 02:46 - United States

Today, I found out how painful it is when your ceiling fan falls on you. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 458

You deserved it 3 253

By Anonymous - 14/07/2016 00:56 - Canada - Concord

Today, I fell off the top of my bunk bed in my sleep onto a running fan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 166

You deserved it 1 570

By thwack - 24/05/2012 18:26 - United States

Today, during a workplace safety exercise at work, I managed to cut off the tip of my thumb. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 084

You deserved it 3 982

By tylerlove361 - 11/02/2009 05:30 - United States

Today, I cut myself with child-proof scissors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 076

You deserved it 34 020

By Chicketi - 11/02/2009 14:45 - Canada

Today, I cut myself on a band-aid box, while trying to get one out for another cut. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 983

You deserved it 8 237

Caught

By Boredom - 26/01/2009 21:09 - United States

Spicy

Today, I tried to suck my own penis. Autofellatio. My mother walked in on me and I flipped backwards off the bed. ER and 10 stiches above my eyebrow later, I asked her not to ever bring it up again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 840

You deserved it 76 207

By irony - 16/08/2009 07:05 - United States

Today, I got a paper cut while opening my box of Band-Aids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 940

You deserved it 9 362

Slicy slicy

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, I was getting ready for a date, so to avoid stinky pits, I went to put some deodorant on. However, when I raised my arm to apply it, I almost sliced my hand off when I raised it right into the ceiling fan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 616

You deserved it 967

Next

Top comments

every1luvsboners 11

Friday 11 November 2011 18:59

Wrong kind of ********, champ.

Alleged_Cranium 7

Friday 11 November 2011 19:00

You don't quite understand what a ******** is? Do you?

Comments

fangz_fml 6

Friday 11 November 2011 21:34

Sue the Fan company for not writing "Do not put your penis near fan in motion" in the safety chart XD Well, now, you are un-penised!!

tj4234 35

Friday 11 November 2011 21:39

and on tonight's episode of Today in Canada...

daydreamer244 13

Friday 11 November 2011 21:42

How'd you manage to do this???

cheybearlovesyou 0

Friday 11 November 2011 21:42

Oh my, sir you are definitely not the brightest lightbulb in the pack. Just saying.

panvicka 16

Friday 11 November 2011 21:45

how? just... how did you... why would you...

newmandotcom 6

Friday 11 November 2011 21:45

There's is no possible way at all that you did NOT deserve this. I foresee a very prestigious Darwin Award in your (probably near) future....

scottm1 0

Friday 11 November 2011 21:49

It was hard for me to open too and I wish it never did. Someone as stupid as you should have it chopped completely off before you can make more stupid.

mommabear0823 12

Friday 11 November 2011 21:59

You kind of just made canadians look like dumbasses

xXxHalfGonexXx 6

Friday 11 November 2011 22:08

Dont wanna know how

lmfb07 0

Friday 11 November 2011 22:12

U shouldn't have ur penis out at work dumbass

6
7
8
9
10
11
12
13
14
15

Keywords

Health Relatable Public freakouts Mental health Grieving Kids Music Scams Geek Poopoo peepee Jewelry Awkward Bikes Cops Transportation Family Fight Customers Work Gross Miscellaneous AITA Mother in law Social Media Love Relationship advice Art Students Birds Animals

The Top

Today, I just learned that the silly song my parents taught me as a small child, and would sometimes make me sing for the family, is actually a very thinly veiled series of penis jokes. Why just now? Because I hadn't thought about it for years, until my grandma brought it up at a reunion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 390

You deserved it 74

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, when his condom came off inside of me. We couldn't get it out, so I had to tell my mom, who didn't know we were sexually active, and then go to the ER. After an unsuccessful visit, we came home only to find the condom in my sheets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 236

You deserved it 37 867

The Top

Today, I got not one but two flat tires after hitting two separate potholes big enough to take chunks out if my original rim and to bend the shit out of my spare. This was in about a 3 mile radius and within minutes of each other. FML

I agree, your life sucks 941

You deserved it 187

Today, I was talking to a friend about this stranger I kissed a few nights ago while drinking. I commented that I was ashamed of doing so, and to make matters worse, the guy was really unattractive. It turns out he was no stranger. I'd kissed my friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 663

You deserved it 40 883

Today, my social anxiety is so bad that the mere thought of talking to anyone, even someone who isn't even real, makes me feel ill and uneasy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 623

You deserved it 173

Today, I woke up and realized I didn't start a fire last night. I live in Alaska and our winter nights can reach -30 below zero. My fish are dead, my plasma television won't turn on, and the cat has frostbite. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 588

You deserved it 3 258

Today, I discovered a drawer full of chocolates, cookies and baked goods in my house. When I asked my sister what the drawer was, she told me that my mom thought it would be a good idea to hide the fattening foods from me. My entire family had known about the food drawer, except me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 546

You deserved it 8 370

Today, we had painters in the house. My 4 year-old grandson kept telling me, "Grandpa ate the painter's sandwich." While the painters were running an errand, my husband ate their sandwich, then left to go to work. I was left to explain/apologize to the painters that my husband ate their PB&J. FML

I agree, your life sucks 416

You deserved it 88