Intimacy: Today, I cut my penis on a desk fan. FML

By dumbassbuffet - 11/11/2011 15:53 - Canada

Today, I cut my penis on a desk fan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 741

You deserved it 84 066

May Day: Lily of the Valley and Misunderstandings
When lilies of the valley bring good luck... or not! Discover the stories behind every little bell! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By sharkgirl4 - 25/08/2014 16:17 - United States - Rialto

Today, I was trying to fix a broken desk fan. I'd taken the guard off and was trying to unscrew the blades, when my roommate decided it'd be funny to plug it in. The blades sliced into my thumb. I need stitches, and he still thinks it's hilarious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 065

You deserved it 4 389

By Anonymous - 29/11/2009 16:57 - United States

Today, my ceiling fan was rocking violently so I turned it off. I stood under it trying to figure out what the problem is, it fell on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 560

You deserved it 13 133

By Username - 02/08/2011 02:46 - United States

Today, I found out how painful it is when your ceiling fan falls on you. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 458

You deserved it 3 253

By Anonymous - 14/07/2016 00:56 - Canada - Concord

Today, I fell off the top of my bunk bed in my sleep onto a running fan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 166

You deserved it 1 570

By thwack - 24/05/2012 18:26 - United States

Today, during a workplace safety exercise at work, I managed to cut off the tip of my thumb. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 084

You deserved it 3 982

By tylerlove361 - 11/02/2009 05:30 - United States

Today, I cut myself with child-proof scissors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 076

You deserved it 34 020

By Chicketi - 11/02/2009 14:45 - Canada

Today, I cut myself on a band-aid box, while trying to get one out for another cut. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 983

You deserved it 8 237

Caught

By Boredom - 26/01/2009 21:09 - United States

Today, I tried to suck my own penis. Autofellatio. My mother walked in on me and I flipped backwards off the bed. ER and 10 stiches above my eyebrow later, I asked her not to ever bring it up again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 840

You deserved it 76 207

By irony - 16/08/2009 07:05 - United States

Today, I got a paper cut while opening my box of Band-Aids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 940

You deserved it 9 362

Slicy slicy

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, I was getting ready for a date, so to avoid stinky pits, I went to put some deodorant on. However, when I raised my arm to apply it, I almost sliced my hand off when I raised it right into the ceiling fan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 615

You deserved it 967

every1luvsboners 11

Friday 11 November 2011 18:59

Wrong kind of ********, champ.

Alleged_Cranium 7

Friday 11 November 2011 19:00

You don't quite understand what a ******** is? Do you?

Comments

melissafleming 7

Friday 11 November 2011 22:17

how the **** did you manage to do that?

chels1994 11

Friday 11 November 2011 22:19

....how?

Amandabobmaxwell 4

Friday 11 November 2011 22:20

How........?

SkardeyKat 3

Friday 11 November 2011 22:34

Who wrote this FML, Peter Griffin?

xbrit551 13

Friday 11 November 2011 22:36

What would make you think... "hmm maybe I should stick my dick by this fan......l

ExhaustedLove 0

Friday 11 November 2011 22:37

Fail ********!

OfficeNinja 5

Friday 11 November 2011 22:41

How? Wait - I don't want to know. Only in Canada eh? This is for you http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C_TfBbR6L0M&feature=youtube_gdata_player

mrosew442 10

Friday 11 November 2011 22:50

how exactly does one do this?

maphineRAWRS 10

Friday 11 November 2011 22:52

why was your penus anywhere near a desk fan haha

maphineRAWRS 10

Friday 11 November 2011 22:54

drats *penis

afulks78 11

Friday 11 November 2011 22:52

Are you retarded ?

Keywords

Health Relatable Public freakouts Music Scams Geek Poopoo peepee Awkward Jewelry Bikes Cops Transportation Family Kids Fight Miscellaneous AITA Mother in law Love Relationship advice Social Media Art Work Students Birds Animals Sleep Noise Mental health Contraception

The Top

Today, I had to call social services after a couple once again brought their baby in with severe allergic reactions. His allergy? The family dog. These idiots would rather let their kid die than get rid of the stupid mutt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 468

You deserved it 120

Today, I parked and noticed a car that was identical to mine across from me. I thought it was an amusing coincidence until I came back to find both cars trashed. At least the vandal realized their mistake and left a note saying, "You deserve it for having the same car as that cheater, asshole!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 409

You deserved it 2 826

The Top

Today, in an effort to get active, I swam some laps at my school pool. Afterwards, I noticed that someone had broken into the locker I was using. Thankfully nothing was stolen except for my shoes and socks. I had a full day of classes to go to, barefoot, in December and an hour bus ride home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 241

You deserved it 608

Today, I was babysitting my boss's kids. I brought chocolate for them and the youngest said he had never had chocolate and didn't want any. I told him he should always try new things and should eat it. He did. He's allergic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 414

You deserved it 42 030

Today, I took a flight from Seattle to Oregon but missed my flight back home to California because the flight attendant came in late and delayed our flight take off time. Then I was told the only way to get California was to go back to Seattle and fly to California from there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 902

You deserved it 130

Today, my partner and I had bought a short bus to convert to an RV, which is done and we are now ready to move in. That night, after I’m fully out of my place, she informs me she has feelings for my roommate and it’s something she must explore. I'm now homeless and they are traveling around in the conversion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 599

You deserved it 230

Today, I'm trying to sleep. If I fall asleep now, that's still four hours of sleep. My brain: "Enjoy this retrospective of assorted failures from your childhood through today! We now join the program already in progress." FML

I agree, your life sucks 839

You deserved it 134

Today, I gave myself burns on my inner thigh by dropping my curling iron. Instead of a cute date at a restaurant, I had a date with the doctors in the emergency room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 105

You deserved it 190

Same thing different taste

Caught

Slicy slicy

Top comments

Comments