Scary and Kids: Today, I awoke to my husband donning a gorilla mask in the middle...

By Divorcemenow - 17/07/2009 22:02 - United States

Today, I awoke to my husband donning a gorilla mask in the middle of the night. My kids have been staying in a tent out back for the past few nights, and have complained of a "monster" scaring them. I told them that it was their imagination. My husband says he gets a kick out of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 620

You deserved it 6 967

Mother's Day: Sweets and Bummers
Between disastrous breakfasts in bed and unusual gifts, Mother's Day is an inexhaustible source of laughter. More…

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Same thing different taste

Spooky

By BadgerSpirit - 27/04/2011 13:35 - United States

Today, I woke my husband up at 2 a.m., screaming that there was a badger in our bedroom. We both screamed for a bit until he finally said, "What are we screaming about!?" I took a second look at the badger, and realized it was my four-year-old daughter with her blanket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 881

You deserved it 43 816

Funny to him

By Binkplugged - 05/07/2016 18:01

Today, I woke up to my husband chuckling. When I asked him what was so funny. He told me that during the night I attempted to shove one of the kids' pacifiers in his mouth. I don't remember this, at all. He thinks it's hysterical. I'm not sure what to think. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 952

You deserved it 1 867

Bear with me

By bear food - 08/01/2014 04:37 - United States - Anaheim

Today, my friends and I went camping in the woods. I fell asleep first. Waking up hours later to them bunched up together in the middle of the tent and me half-way outside, I confronted them about it. They admitted, "We heard a bear so we needed a sacrifice." FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 731

You deserved it 5 533

Spooked

By Anonymous - 10/03/2024 21:00 - United Kingdom

Today, because my husband wasn’t paying attention, he gave our 6 year-old his Netflix instead of the kid safe settings, so she watched a very gory horror film that has given her nightmares, so I now haven’t slept in 5 nights because of it. My husband face sleeps soundly through her screaming. FML

I agree, your life sucks 470

You deserved it 138

By Anonymous - 29/08/2019 15:00 - United States - Russellville

Today, I asked my husband for help with a household chore. His response was to fake snore and pretend to be asleep. Later, our toddler pulled the exact same BS when I asked him to pick up his toys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 805

You deserved it 253

Alone time

By Anonymous - 16/03/2024 21:00 - United Kingdom

Today, as a prank, I told my husband I was going to sleep alone in the spare room, just to see his panicked reaction. Not only did he not panic, he agreed straight away, then an hour later announced he was going to bed a whole three hours earlier than normal. I can hear him in there, watching TV, eating snacks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 78

You deserved it 1 032

Flatulophobia

By Anonymous - 18/12/2021 07:01 - United States - Watford City

Today, while in bed with my husband, we were discussing our fears. Mine being the Doomsday Clock. He giggled and made me feel silly about my (rational if you ask me) fear. I let out a tiny toot, and he jumped and screamed bloody murder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 815

You deserved it 213

By furious at five in the morning - 02/07/2012 12:36 - United States - Mount Vernon

Today, I woke up at 5 am to the voices of my husband, who I gave my blessing to go out last night, and his buddies entering our apartment. They came here because the buddy who had planned to house them had no beer. They are drunk, drinking on our porch, shaving my husband's head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 377

You deserved it 4 111

By bwoolf96 - 10/09/2015 12:32

Today, in the early hours of the morning, I woke up in sleep paralysis, hallucinating the sight of children hanging from the ceiling. Now I'm scared to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 945

You deserved it 1 866

Beware!

By Anonymous - 24/11/2011 17:07 - United States

Today, my son told me he was afraid of monsters under his bed. When I poked my head under to show him nothing was there, the family cat sprang out and clawed me in the face. Now I have a gash on my chin, and my son refuses to go anywhere near his bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 109

You deserved it 3 829

GoldenGirl83 0

Saturday 18 July 2009 1:32

lmfao. He sounds kool.

Dude_fml 0

Saturday 18 July 2009 1:32

crazy dad. At least the monsters are not under the bed.

Comments

skullbuster 0

Saturday 18 July 2009 2:55

Yeah, women become more "mother" than "wife" after the kids come along. My wife reads me the riot act for my "sense of humor" often when it comes to torturing the kids. But really, c'mon, you knew what you were getting when you got married and had kids with this guy - lighten up! I mean really, you chose the name "divorcemenow", aren't you being a little melodramatic there, hun?

diet_otaku 0

Saturday 18 July 2009 3:04

man, what is with all the asshole fathers around here lately?

IronysMe 0

Saturday 18 July 2009 3:10

hahhaa your life is the opposite of ******...he sounds like he's got an awesome sense of humor for a dad :)

ghembob 2

Saturday 18 July 2009 3:11

Haha, that's ******* awesome. Let him have his fun. My dad used to scare me all the time as a kid, and looking back on it now, I laugh.

Flounder 2

Saturday 18 July 2009 3:33

Funny story, but how is this an "FYL"?

who_rollerpig 4

Saturday 18 July 2009 3:34

lmao your husband is hilarious!

Skynet1121 0

Saturday 18 July 2009 3:48

seriously? come on your life isn't ******? come on how do these get on here?

lolwatlol 0

Saturday 18 July 2009 3:49

You should've joined him.

Nakedsquirrel 5

Saturday 18 July 2009 4:02

Your kids need to grow a pair and start beating the "monster" with things the next time it "attacks." Won't happen again after that. My aunt did that to my sister and I on a camping trip a long time ago, scratching the outside of the tent and growling in a low voice. So I told my sister to hand me the flashlight and hit the "claw" with it as hard as I could the next time it scratched. A loud "AHHOW" and string of curses followed, and the following morning she went to have her hand x-rayed (I had broken two fingers.)