Scary and Kids: Today, I awoke to my husband donning a gorilla mask in the middle...

By Divorcemenow - 17/07/2009 22:02 - United States

Today, I awoke to my husband donning a gorilla mask in the middle of the night. My kids have been staying in a tent out back for the past few nights, and have complained of a "monster" scaring them. I told them that it was their imagination. My husband says he gets a kick out of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 620

You deserved it 6 968

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Same thing different taste

Spooky

By BadgerSpirit - 27/04/2011 13:35 - United States

Today, I woke my husband up at 2 a.m., screaming that there was a badger in our bedroom. We both screamed for a bit until he finally said, "What are we screaming about!?" I took a second look at the badger, and realized it was my four-year-old daughter with her blanket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 881

You deserved it 43 816

Funny to him

By Binkplugged - 05/07/2016 18:01

Today, I woke up to my husband chuckling. When I asked him what was so funny. He told me that during the night I attempted to shove one of the kids' pacifiers in his mouth. I don't remember this, at all. He thinks it's hysterical. I'm not sure what to think. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 952

You deserved it 1 867

Bear with me

By bear food - 08/01/2014 04:37 - United States - Anaheim

Today, my friends and I went camping in the woods. I fell asleep first. Waking up hours later to them bunched up together in the middle of the tent and me half-way outside, I confronted them about it. They admitted, "We heard a bear so we needed a sacrifice." FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 731

You deserved it 5 533

Spooked

By Anonymous - 10/03/2024 21:00 - United Kingdom

Today, because my husband wasn’t paying attention, he gave our 6 year-old his Netflix instead of the kid safe settings, so she watched a very gory horror film that has given her nightmares, so I now haven’t slept in 5 nights because of it. My husband face sleeps soundly through her screaming. FML

I agree, your life sucks 470

You deserved it 138

By Anonymous - 29/08/2019 15:00 - United States - Russellville

Today, I asked my husband for help with a household chore. His response was to fake snore and pretend to be asleep. Later, our toddler pulled the exact same BS when I asked him to pick up his toys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 805

You deserved it 253

Alone time

By Anonymous - 16/03/2024 21:00 - United Kingdom

Today, as a prank, I told my husband I was going to sleep alone in the spare room, just to see his panicked reaction. Not only did he not panic, he agreed straight away, then an hour later announced he was going to bed a whole three hours earlier than normal. I can hear him in there, watching TV, eating snacks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 78

You deserved it 1 032

Flatulophobia

By Anonymous - 18/12/2021 07:01 - United States - Watford City

Today, while in bed with my husband, we were discussing our fears. Mine being the Doomsday Clock. He giggled and made me feel silly about my (rational if you ask me) fear. I let out a tiny toot, and he jumped and screamed bloody murder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 815

You deserved it 213

By furious at five in the morning - 02/07/2012 12:36 - United States - Mount Vernon

Today, I woke up at 5 am to the voices of my husband, who I gave my blessing to go out last night, and his buddies entering our apartment. They came here because the buddy who had planned to house them had no beer. They are drunk, drinking on our porch, shaving my husband's head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 377

You deserved it 4 111

By bwoolf96 - 10/09/2015 12:32

Today, in the early hours of the morning, I woke up in sleep paralysis, hallucinating the sight of children hanging from the ceiling. Now I'm scared to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 945

You deserved it 1 866

Beware!

By Anonymous - 24/11/2011 17:07 - United States

Today, my son told me he was afraid of monsters under his bed. When I poked my head under to show him nothing was there, the family cat sprang out and clawed me in the face. Now I have a gash on my chin, and my son refuses to go anywhere near his bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 109

You deserved it 3 829

GoldenGirl83 0

Saturday 18 July 2009 1:32

lmfao. He sounds kool.

Dude_fml 0

Saturday 18 July 2009 1:32

crazy dad. At least the monsters are not under the bed.

Comments

myrddraal_fml 0

Saturday 18 July 2009 14:26

haha this is no FML it's awsome

FlaminYawn 0

Saturday 18 July 2009 14:54

shouldve role played...although proportionately gorillas have the smallest penis in the animal kingdom, so go with he's the Pimpanzee and you're the Ho-rilla

junomcguff_fml 0

Saturday 18 July 2009 14:57

Your husband is not awesome. Don't listen to all these faggots. I think, that your husband is a massive BABY and that you need to tell him that he needs to stop doing that, or you'll divorce him.

Paige_Nicole10 0

Sunday 19 July 2009 2:32

how is the husband a "BABY"? sounds to me like the op is the "BABY"

TheIrishJaneDoe 8

Saturday 18 July 2009 15:59

This *is* a FML, not because of what Dad did (cuz it's awesome!) but because poor Mom has probably been either convincing her young children there is no monster or telling her older children to knock off the lying/drama.

Jari 0

Saturday 18 July 2009 16:02

Apparently, I'm an oversensitive prick who should never have kids. Think of me what you want, but it seems me and a select few people are the only ones here who have morals when it comes to treatment of kids. If I have kids, you can bet your ass I'll be a fun parent in every sense of the word except for your definition. If you want to waste your time responding to an "oh-so-sensitive" "prick", go ahead, but I'm not gonna be paying attention anymore.

alt_truth 0

Saturday 18 July 2009 21:03

The point isn't to be a "fun" parent. You're not there for fun or safety. You're there to prepare the kids for life. That might mean being a big brother occasionally. You're not their friend.

TheIrishJaneDoe 8

Saturday 18 July 2009 16:05

Oh, and I love the name. Either it's sarcasm or an inside joke.. Mom: "This is going on FML" Dad: "Do it and you get to raise 'em on your own!" This is totally a sarcastic convo my hubby & I would have if we had kids. (Out of their earshot of course)