A mistake is forgeting to close a door, leaving the car lights on, etc... Letting someone put their penis in you is a little different. She chose to do it thinking she wouldn't get caught then due to someone saying something or to her admitting it through guilt it came out.

If you regret it, its a mistake. Its her fault, but still. OP- If you know you might never forgive her, divorce her. You cant have a marriage based on resentment. I may be 19, but I know that its not always possible to just forgive. Let her go so you can be happy. Get her out of your life and hope she marries soon so you don't have to give her money anymore.

Agreed, the upper hand of the cheated on over the cheater only really applies if the cheater wants to stay in the relationship. The fact that OP seems offended that his wife would want a divorce implies that the OP was enjoying the upper hand more than caring about the future of the relationship. That is almost as screwed up as cheating. Either way, the relationship was over before she asked for a divorce, learn from both of your issues and move on.

You're an idiot. Maybe he loves his wife and doesn't want a divorce but is having a bit of a hard time forgiving her for a strong pain which cheating brings. I'm saying maybe since, like you, I don't know the full situation. You just assume he's at the fault here. Maybe you have the issues and not him? I don't know. Cheating = Bad always. And it varies from person to person on forgiveness.

@92 I'm going to stand firm on my statement. I purposely used the word "implies" because certainly it doesn't prove it, after all, like you said with all FMLs we lack key information about the situation. To support my statement, the post is phrased in such away to imply mock understanding ("Apparently I was..."). While I stand by the first half of my statement, I believe the second half was more important. No matter the fault, it is clear the relationship was over before she asked for the divorce. A relationship can overcome issues like this only if both parties are interested in recovery. For whatever reason the wife certainly wasn't, additionally for the reasons I already mentioned it is implied (although we will never know for certain) that the husband wasn't REALLY interested in reconciliation. As for the my character, my problems etc. I certainly won't claim to be a perfect budding flower, but I do have relationship history on the subject. I have experience with being cheated on, and recovering the relationship afterwards. In my situation the other party was not particularly interested in dealing with the situation, and it fell to me to back down to repair. In retrospect the relationship might not have been worth repairing, but it certainly would not have had a chance to survive if I had decided I "deserved" time to forgive her. I think I'm being fair here, but you're welcome to disagree.

OP's story is not slightly different, it's completely different. There's a huge difference between assuming someone is cheating, and them actually cheating.

Maybe he wanted to make it work, as he cares about her. But he in no way should hurry to forgive her. You've got to be kidding in your analogy

you're like the person that tries to relate their own life to everyone else's situations, even if you have never ever experienced anything remotely similar. like if your friend's parents died in a tragic car accident, you'd be like OMG i totally know how you feel, when I was 4, my hamster died because I stepped on it, and it was just so terrible so I totally know where you're coming from. it's just so annoying.

My point was, that it's very annoying if someone keeps bringing up stuff that happened in the past. Either break up with your SO or get over it, instead of making his/her life hell. My ex got super mad when he found out i was going to a dance with a man he hated, even though i was friends with him before. He was just super pissed and to be nice i said okay i understand how you're pissed about it so I wont go and canceled my plans. From there we should have moved on but instead he brought it up every time he did something wrong, and tried to make me feel guilty all the time. It was really like he forgave me and stayed with me because he felt as if he can control me now because of that. So i can understand the op's wife's side. When a SO stays with you but keeps bringing up a mistake from the past. If he forgave her then he should get over it.

He didn't say he kept bringing up the past... just taking time to make a decision. Not everyone in this world takes a split second to make a decision based on a bad decision by others. I agree with angleod, your story has jack shit to do with this FML.

This.

Maybe you can blend them. You can forgive her, **** her, then ditch that bitch in some alley. So, he's a spineless jellyfish in forgiving her. And then he fists her like a man, and dumps her somewhere... Naked. Teach that bitch a lesson.