Sex, Awkward and Intimacy: Choking hazard

Choking hazard

By notsexy - 09/05/2009 15:51 - United States

Today, I tried for the first time putting a condom on my boyfriend using my mouth. I freaked out, swallowed, and started choking on the condom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 085

You deserved it 83 377

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Same thing different taste

Sexy time

By Anonymous - 30/07/2009 09:23 - United States

Today, I tried to be sexy and put a condom on with my mouth. Instead, I inhaled it and my boyfriend broke three of my ribs giving me the Heimlich maneuver. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 504

You deserved it 59 415

Work on your skills

By banana - 26/02/2009 03:01 - United States

Today, I decided to practice putting a condom on with my mouth. Then my roommate walked in on me using my mouth to roll a condom onto a banana. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 924

You deserved it 74 547

By Anonymous - 18/02/2013 19:11 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I was about to make out with my boyfriend, so I quickly swallowed my gum. Moments later, I started choking on the gum, and ended up spitting it out into his face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 085

You deserved it 40 021

By flavored - 18/11/2013 15:26 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try flavored condoms. I guess I enjoyed them a little too much; I almost choked half to death on a strawberry cockcicle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 204

You deserved it 19 442

By eeewww - 21/11/2018 03:13

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend and he ejaculated without warning, shooting straight up my nostril. I accidentally snorted it, started choking, and then coughed it up in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 444

You deserved it 797

Jammed

By me - 05/01/2010 16:22 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate for the first time. He was sucking on my boob, everything was going good. He suddenly stopped and started choking really bad. He thought milk was coming out. Turns out, it was just his gum. The moment was ruined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 442

You deserved it 3 747

By Rob - 06/06/2012 16:02 - United States - Neoga

Today, after having sex with my girlfriend, I jokingly held the condom above my mouth. Somehow, the condom busted, and everything went over my face. Worse still, we're now wondering just how safe this condom really was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 745

You deserved it 42 610

Close but no BJ

By nikkrissa_04 - 07/08/2009 11:17 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were messing around in his car. I then decided I was going to give him a blowjob for the first time. As I was going down, he grabbed my chin and said, "Don't do that, your mouth isn't clean enough." FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 658

You deserved it 12 195

By Anonymous - 24/08/2013 22:31 - Isle of Man - Douglas

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. As I started getting close to having my first ever orgasm, I got extremely short of breath and started hyperventilating. His reaction was to cover my mouth to shut me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 266

You deserved it 7 762

Quickshot

By anon - 31/08/2014 15:14 - United States

Today, while finally about to make love with my long-term boyfriend, he came from putting a condom on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 385

You deserved it 6 023

jimmyweee 0

Sunday 10 May 2009 2:14

Ha, you swallowed the wrong thing.

BlackWolfVII 0

Sunday 10 May 2009 2:13

Should've practiced on a banana first. Girls. *Facepalm*

Comments

MrsLovett_fml 0

Sunday 10 May 2009 3:22

Aw I'm sorry. But I must admit, that was freaking hilarious.

Cerataphora 0

Sunday 10 May 2009 3:23

You didn't deserve it, not sure why people are saying that. It's actually a fairly common thing to do.

wowloser1717 0

Sunday 10 May 2009 3:25

#10 obviously your like 12 becuase you can put it on that way if you want, theirs no specific way to put on a condom

pennygoo 0

Sunday 10 May 2009 3:29

you shouldnt put condoms on with your mouth because your teeth can rip them. YDI

NoBounceNoPlay 0

Sunday 10 May 2009 3:29

#39: LOL... terrible advice, dude. Don't quit your day job.

porkchop69 0

Sunday 10 May 2009 3:37

Bahaha. it reminds me when i swallowed a condom chewing on ittt!! hhaa yur not alone=]

Bryan_Z 0

Sunday 10 May 2009 3:38

that's hilarious

justxdream 0

Sunday 10 May 2009 3:38

#7: hahaha #10: how old are we? chill, and yeah you can. lmao

retro_squares 0

Sunday 10 May 2009 3:43

ROFLROFLROFLROFL @ #7!!!!

aquariusbeauty 0

Sunday 10 May 2009 3:44

right..

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Work Management Awkward Friends Miscellaneous Healthy Lifestyle Health Relatable Gifts Mother in law Birthday Family Money Public freakouts Education Parents Pranks Students Exams Weird Love Argument AITA Fear Insects Skincare Cats Job interview Jealousy Gross

The Top

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I agree, your life sucks 314

You deserved it 588

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I agree, your life sucks 1 232

You deserved it 220

The Top

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I agree, your life sucks 356

You deserved it 1 456

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I agree, your life sucks 41 386

You deserved it 3 584

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I agree, your life sucks 40 451

You deserved it 3 237

Today, I was on an airplane, riding in first class for the first time in my life. The man next to me turned to me just before takeoff, stared at my chest, and said that he hoped there would be severe turbulence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 080

You deserved it 4 310

Today, after saving up for weeks, I bought myself an iPad. Because mine is better than the one my parents bought my ten-year-old brother, he got pissed and threw it into our pool. I'm now grounded for getting angry and calling him a bastard in the aftermath. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 239

You deserved it 2 734

Today, my dad texted me saying he had "big news." I immediately called, thrilled, because I assumed he meant that he finally found a job and that our money troubles were over. The "big news" was him being excited at seeing an actor from one TV show he likes in another TV show. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 590

You deserved it 2 838