Intimacy: And I oop

And I oop

By AnxiousCucumber - 07/09/2016 20:41 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, my boyfriend's dick got stuck in the wrong hole. And by wrong hole I mean the pool filter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 384

You deserved it 2 185

Father's Day: Daddy Chicken or Daddy Wet Hen?
Stories of extraordinary fathers, sometimes awkward but always hilarious. A family read! More…

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Same thing different taste

Potholer

By wtfbabe - 22/06/2018 05:00

Today, my husband's dick went in the wrong hole. And by the wrong hole, I mean another man’s anus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 767

You deserved it 557

Holes

By Anonymous - 26/12/2011 00:07 - United Kingdom

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend trying to put his penis in a hole in our bedroom wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 936

You deserved it 5 419

That sucks

By funnyERstory - 23/11/2016 04:31 - United States - Houston

Today, I got my dick sucked. Unfortunately, it was by the vacuum nozzle my cousin stuck down my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 965

You deserved it 1 553

The language of love

By Anonymous - 20/01/2010 16:17 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend and I went for a swim in his pool. I was hoping that the swim would be somewhat romantic, however, that came to an abrupt end when he decided that it would be cool and funny to try and lift me up by my boobs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 692

You deserved it 4 494

By fledermausi - 12/06/2012 13:02 - Hungary - Budapest

Today, I came home to my boyfriend emptying his bowels into my aquarium. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 835

You deserved it 3 109

By Anonymous - 15/08/2015 09:32 - Canada - Prince George

Today, it's been 2 days since my boyfriend "accidentally" slipped into the wrong hole while continuing to hammer me at full speed. I still can't poop or even walk right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 801

You deserved it 5 063

Poor Henry

By SierraCheyenne - 26/03/2020 23:09 - United States - Denver

Today, I came home to my boyfriend standing in the living room with his dick in the vacuum cleaner hose. Instead of being embarrassed, he simply said, "The vacuum does it better." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 130

You deserved it 542

Observation

By Anonymous - 17/04/2009 05:43 - United States

Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. Right as I was really getting into it, he pauses, frowns, and says, "I think I see the pee hole." FML

I agree, your life sucks 97 733

You deserved it 7 998

By Gross... - 16/08/2011 06:22 - United States

Today, my little brother proudly informed me that he found a way to suck pool water up his asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 620

You deserved it 3 270

What what?

By Anonymous - 25/10/2011 05:58 - United States

Today, my car broke down because someone stuck a dildo in the tail pipe. I'd parked in my driveway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 804

You deserved it 3 512

Marynfrankie 19

Thursday 8 September 2016 10:57

There are just so many questions left unanswered here.

daz18m 15

Thursday 8 September 2016 11:11

He gives a new meaning "to be sucked off"

Comments

aron666 25

Saturday 10 September 2016 1:23

Why did this FML leave a Final Destination feeling at first...?

WillMM76 12

Saturday 10 September 2016 7:42

Lol!

thecleverbatman 6

Saturday 10 September 2016 8:13

i'm laughing way too hard.

ihateeveeything 8

Sunday 11 September 2016 5:20

That took a very fast turn

macguy4321 14

Monday 12 September 2016 2:33

I'm getting sympathy pains

lalafalla 6

Tuesday 13 September 2016 6:57

Things sure have changed since my day

Ddudug 7

Tuesday 13 September 2016 8:11

Is that what they call it now.

assem977 7

Tuesday 13 September 2016 17:44

did he get it wet?

asterismoos 7

Tuesday 20 September 2016 14:49

Am I the only one who thought about Palahniuk's short story? that's the stuff nightmares are made of.

zzleepyhead 8

Thursday 22 September 2016 5:50

But... how?

Keywords

Miscellaneous Weird Awkward Shopping My ex Racism Family Relatable AITA Love Kids Cheating Work Break-ups Animals Cute Cats Sex Intimacy Relationship advice Alcohol Coworkers Health Psychology Mental health Cops Neighbours Scary Stressed out Parents

The Top

Today, I have accidentally encountered my parents having "sexy time" four times in the past week. I'm an adult. My parents are in their fifties. Their bedroom door doesn't fully shut, so I always get an unpleasant glimpse when I walk past, occasionally punctuated by my mom's pleasured moaning. Kill me now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 925

You deserved it 610

Today, my boyfriend of 3 years finally proposed to me at the park we first met in. As I was about to say yes, a huge fly flew straight into my mouth. I ruined the moment by choking on it and eventually spitting it out on him. I think he's rethinking the proposal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 653

You deserved it 4 934

The Top

Today, the alarm on my phone went off. I picked it up, hit snooze, and dropped it back on my desk without looking. I woke up an hour later to find that I had dropped it directly in a full glass of water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 621

You deserved it 27 464

Today, I was told that my insurance will no longer cover my birth control as it's deemed "unnecessary" for a man, which, according to them, I've been since August. I'm definitely still a woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 211

You deserved it 2 313

Today, I had lunch with an old friend I've had a crush on for years. We're both single, so I figured it to be kind of like a date. Until he started talking about how he told his brother last night that we would never be a thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 202

You deserved it 2 746

Today, I took my girlfriend to go see Les Misérables. I tried to stay tough but completely lost it and started sobbing when Anne Hathaway began singing. My girlfriend called me a wimp and stayed dry-eyed throughout the whole movie. I'm dating a robot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 430

You deserved it 15 208

Today, my mother told me that my father once told her that he was glad she wasn't a red head. He wouldn't have married her if she was because he hates red heads. I am his red-headed daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 223

You deserved it 3 049

Today, my parents lectured me about how my girlfriend will ruin my life, because she's a single mom, a recovering alcoholic, and has chronic health issues. Apparently, I should be with their friend's rude, trashy daughter, who can't keep a job, and goes on a drunken, drug-fueled bender every other week. I'm 31. FML

I agree, your life sucks 902

You deserved it 161

Same thing different taste

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