dgunn92

Today, my neighbors got a rooster. FML

Today, my cat took a shit in my toaster. FML

Woah!

Today, my fire alarm startled me so badly that I shat myself. FML

Today, I was taking a dump and I pushed so hard that I got light headed and passed out on the floor. FML

Today, I spilt a very hot cup of tea all over a burn I got yesterday from spilling a very hot cup of tea. FML

Today, as my girlfriend and I were making love, and she started to moan and groan. All of a sudden, she stopped and said, "I'm lying, you suck at this." FML

Learning

Today, while babysitting a five year-old, I found a cartoon called Metalocalypse for him to watch while I made dinner. I didn't realize it was an "adult" cartoon until afterwards. He watched a whole episode about a clown with a cocaine problem. FML

Today, my house got watermeloned. Not egged, watermeloned. FML