31 years-old In a relationship
Today, I learned that "eating someone out" didn't actually involve food. FML
Today, I got into a staring contest with my dog. I actually cheered when I won. FML
Today, I threw myself a surprise party. FML
Today, the girl I've been dating for several months, and fallen in love with, said "We're just friends, right? My mom thinks I'm leading you on." FML
Today, I tried to comfort my daughter who'd been crying non-stop for hours. She thinks Chuck Norris is coming to kill her, and I can't convince her otherwise. FML
Today, my wife mentioned that she wanted to give me a three-way. I was ecstatic, until she opened her right hand, only to reveal a 3-way lightbulb. FML
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