Miss 28 years-old Single
Today, while lying in bed, my boyfriend reached over and pinched my love handles and said "Where did this muffin top come from?". Then he sang "Do you know the muffin man?" to me. FML
Today, my brother's girlfriend broke up with him. He has been playing Whitney Houston's "I will always love you" all day. FML
Today, knowing that I have been in a lot of stress lately, my friend tried to teach me how to meditate. Eventually, I ended up in a deeply relaxed state in which my mind was completely clear. When I snapped out of it, I realized I'd pissed myself. FML
Today, I woke up to my friend stroking my face with the bottom of his foot and whispering, "Shh, you're okay." FML
Today, my girlfriend dumped me because she apparently saw me making out with her sister. She doesn't even have a sister. FML
Today, I brought my girlfriend home for the first time. I was really excited to introduce her to my parents, until we found my mother waving around a wooden sword, and my father trying to shove my sister into the dryer. FML
Today, I told my dad that I broke up with my first serious girlfriend. He responded by blaring sad breakup songs as loud as he could throughout the house, just to see me "cry like a bitch". FML
Today, I tried to explain to my cat why I was single, but then I realized why. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
