Today, I had dinner on my own. My cat came and sat on the chair on the other side of the table. We stared at each other during the whole meal. Pathetic. FML
Today, while interviewing for a job, I had to read over the physical requirements for the job. Later on, she asked me how flexible I was. Trying to keep a straight face, I told her I was more flexible while I was playing sports but could work on it if I need to. She was talking about work hours. FML
Today, I was feeling sick and I farted really loud in the school's girls bathroom. Some boys overheard from the hall and called everyone over. I came out only to find about 20 guys staring anxiously at the bathroom's door to see who I was. FML
Today, my entire extended family was over for Christmas. I opened a gift to see that it was a fruitcake and saw everyone looking at me, smiling. This is their way to tell me that they know I'm gay and that they accept me. I'm straight. FML
Today, I had surgery on my arm. My mom has recently had the same surgery, and my dad is having his first rib removed and won't be able to move his arm. My family combined now has three functioning arms. FML
Today, my grandmother and I turned up to a family function wearing the same outfit. FML
Today, my mom found her CD of cats and dogs singing Christmas songs. That is what I'll be listening to until Christmas. FML
Today, I started a new job. I'm now trapped in a small office with a woman who says, "Oh my gravy!" constantly. In response to everything. FML
Today, I asked my girlfriend to marry me. She pretended not to hear me. FML
Today, I walked into my mother's house to find that she had knitted clothes for some of the household appliances. The toaster was wearing a dress. FML
Today, I went shopping first thing in the morning to avoid the crowd. Having recently had surgery on my knee, I used an electric scooter to shop. The scooter died in the middle of the store. No one was around to help me. FML
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