Miss yer boyfriends housee .!, where ur mamas att . It's complicated
Today, I found my husband Googling Morse Code. He thinks his farts are trying to communicate with him. FML
Today, my six year-old nephew told me to peel off my skin because, "They say you look prettier on the inside." FML
Today, I broke up with my girlfriend. She responded by sitting on the floor, crying like a baby and screaming "WHY?" at strangers. FML
Today, the girl I've been dating, and starting to fall in love with, walked out of the bathroom claiming we were going to be parents. I jumped off of the couch in disbelief, yelling, "Really?" She replied, "Really. I just gave birth to a huge dump baby." FML
Today, my boyfriend of five years was in a bad car crash, and ended up with a concussion. He didn't remember me. At all. But he remembered his other girlfriend he had cheated on me with for two months. FML
Today, I asked my boyfriend if I've gained weight. He replied, "Why do you think I've been so often on top lately?" FML
Today, I went to the pool with my new white bathers. I felt really good about myself because everyone was staring at me until this hot guy came up to me and said "Dude, your bathers are see-through. You need to shave!" FML
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