Today, I had to call poison control because my idiot son swallowed a bunch of baking soda to "make a volcano in his tummy." FML
Today, I was in McDonald's with some friends. When I got up to the register to order, the guy there appeared startled by me, and said, "Whoa, you're really pretty." No one has ever said anything like that to me before. When I told my friends, they laughed and said, "Wow. He must have been drunk." FML
Today, I desperately tried to explain to my boyfriend why he shouldn't talk about the Bible during sex. He honestly doesn't understand. FML
Today, I was painting my room. I told my mom not to open the door because I was on a ladder just behind it, with a paint can perched atop. She barged in to ask me what I'd said. FML
Today, I somehow managed to slam my trumpet case closed on my nipple. FML
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