Mr
Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. Two minutes in, he goes, "Wow, this is strenuous" and stopped. I waited three years for this. FML
Today, while playing with bubble wrap, I dislocated my thumb. FML
Today, my husband dropped his pants and said, "Why don't you go down and say hello?" This is his idea of foreplay. FML
Today, my five year old ran down the street wearing nothing but flip flops, Star Wars underwear, and a baseball helmet. He was swinging a badminton racket while screaming "THIS IS SPARTA!" My neighbors watched laughing as I had to run after him down the street in my pajamas. FML
Today, my boyfriend still couldn't work out where my clitoris is. It's RIGHT THERE, you idiot. I've pointed it out, but each time it's like he needs a compass and a map or something. FML
Today, while I was waiting in line at McDonald's, I found out I can sneeze, pee, and poop all at the same time. FML
Today, for the first time, I beat my brother in a game of CoD. Not being a gamer, I was ecstatic. Later, when I was in the shower, my brother snuck in the bathroom, yelled "Napalm strike!" and threw our cat over the shower curtain like a furry grenade from hell. FML
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