Single
Today, I had dinner on my own. My cat came and sat on the chair on the other side of the table. We stared at each other during the whole meal. Pathetic. FML
Today, I was working as a manager of the local movie theater. A six year-old came in with no parents or anyone else. When I asked him where his parents were, he looked at me and said, "Shut up white boy, I don't have to listen to your shit." I just got told by a six year-old. FML
Today, I was getting it on with my boyfriend. I started to come, screaming, "Ah... ah... ah... AHH!" To which he added, "Staying alive! Staying alive!" FML
Today, I sneezed so hard I fell down the stairs. FML
Today, my drunk dad started yelling at my dog for not having a job. FML
Today, I accidentally set my hair on fire while lighting a cigarette. I panicked and put it out by slapping myself in the face. FML
Today, I accidentally said, "Yes, Sir." to my female teacher. I then apologized by saying, "Sorry, Sir." FML
Today, I ran into my ex-girlfriend from high school at the exact pizza shop we met at where I worked in high school. She broke it off with me after she caught me cheating with her best friend. These days, she's a lawyer who makes six figures a year. I still work at the same pizza shop. FML
Today, I bought a dog to make me feel less lonely. He ran away. FML
Today, I was at the park with my daughter. She walked up to a boy at the swings, held her hand out, and said, "Hi I'm Vanessa, and someday you'll be working for me." FML
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