rhinodood

Today, my parents booked my 18th birthday party at Chuck E Cheese's. FML

Today, my house got robbed, while I was upstairs taking a dump. FML

Today, while stuck in a traffic jam, my son silently changed my gear to reverse. FML

Today, I found out that as a supervisor, if you reprimand a female worker and end the conversation with, "Now get back to making sandwiches," your boss will consider it sexism and suspend you. I work at Subway. FML

Today, I woke up to a homeless man relentlessly shitting on my porch. FML

Today, I walked outside my house to find my father in nothing but his underwear, spraying ants with ant-killer, laughing like a maniac and screaming, "Die bitches! Die!" FML

Today, while paying for groceries, I opened my wallet to find that all my cash had been exchanged for Monopoly money. FML