Today, my little brother learned that breaking a glow stick and emptying it into someone's eyes does not help them see in the dark. It's a good lesson, I just wish he hadn't used my eyes to learn it. The doctor says the burning feeling should go away in 3 or 4 days. FML
Today, at an aunt's wake, my five year-old son walked up to the coffin, and, with the whole family around him, exclaimed, "Well that's good, I was wondering where she's been." FML
Today, I had a parent-teacher conference with my 8 year old son. He'd written "Chuck Norris" as the answer for every question on his test. FML
Today, my son thought it was a good idea to spray deodorant into his mouth because he wanted fresh breath. This resulted in him passing out. My son is 17. FML
Today, I went to the movies on a date. I went to pay for the tickets when I realized that I didn't have my wallet. Instead of my boyfriend paying, he laughed and paid for his own ticket. Then he went ahead and saw the movie without me. FML
Today, I was driving my eight year-old son to school when a guy cut me off, prompting me to yell "Douche bag!" as a reflex out of the window. Realizing my mistake, I turned to my son and told him to never, ever talk like that. His response was, "Too late, douche bag." FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend when he suddenly pulls out and says, "Pull my penis." So I pulled his penis and he farted. Then he started doing it again. FML
Today, my boyfriend went and bought Skyrim, Modern Warfare 3 and renewed his WoW subscription. Looks like I won't be getting laid for a month or two. FML
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