Today, I was walking home when I saw an elderly woman struggling with a large bag of garbage. I asked if I could help. I got it all the way to the dumpster and the bag ripped. Inside were about fourteen dead cats. FML
Today, my son got expelled after using the photocopier to photocopy his penis. He then used the copies to replace every directional arrow posted throughout the school. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I got intimate with each other for the first time. He shoved his hand down my pants, touched about an inch away from my clitoris, and whispered, "Cummm" in my ear. I doubt I'll have an orgasm ever again. FML
Today, a nearby volcano erupted for the second time. We were all urged to keep our windows and doors closed in case of ash clouds. My father responded by opening every window and door and shouting, "Come at me, bro!" FML
Today, my dog did something I had no idea he could do. He participated in an all-male three-way at the dog park. In front of everyone. FML
Today, I spent nearly half an hour trying to dispel my sister's belief that men have to strap down their penises before going jogging. FML
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