Phuket, Thailand 37 years-old
Today, I posted a status update on Facebook about how much I liked the Season Finale of NBC's "Heroes". My hand slipped to the right and it came out as "I really love Herpes. It's much better than everyone says it is". I didn't notice for few hours. FML
Today, I had a parent-teacher conference with my 8 year old son. He'd written "Chuck Norris" as the answer for every question on his test. FML
Today, the girl I have a crush on came over to work on a project. My dad rushed into the room we were in, farted, and then ran out giggling. FML
Today, I found out that as a supervisor, if you reprimand a female worker and end the conversation with, "Now get back to making sandwiches," your boss will consider it sexism and suspend you. I work at Subway. FML
Today, my drunk father chased me down the street with my little brother's light saber screaming, "Come back Yoda! Teach me how to use the force!" FML
Today, I was robbed by a guy wearing a ninja turtle costume. FML
Today, I was at a club with my friends, when a group of guys approached us. It got quiet for a second, and I heard one of them say, "It's okay, I've got the fat one this time," then walk over and start talking to me. FML
Today, we found out why we were getting notes on our door telling us to "move out or else." As my mom works for the government and we have a direct-TV dish on our roof, our neighbor thinks we were sent to listen to his phone calls and read his mind. We were here before he was. FML
Today, my boyfriend proposed to me by tossing the ring at me and saying "Here, wear this." FML
Today, I told my dad I was going to the gym. He stood up and clapped. FML
Today, I found my husband Googling Morse Code. He thinks his farts are trying to communicate with him. FML
Today, a fly got stuck up my nose while I was giving a speech. FML
Today, I made a fake Facebook account for a girl, and then set my relationship status to make it look like the fake person was my girlfriend. Someone found out and hacked the fake account. My fake girlfriend just dumped me over Facebook. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I shared our first kiss. When I leaned in on him, he fell over backwards and smashed his head against the floor. FML
Today, I have been awake so long I hallucinated a llama in my living room. I have a medical condition that keeps me from sleeping properly. I've run out of medication. I still see the llama. FML
Today, I was at the gym trying to impress a hot girl, so I put an extra 30 pounds on the bar, I lowered, pushed... and pooped. FML
Today, I heard of an inevitable world-wide bacon shortage on the news. FML
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