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The all-time greatest FMLs

Tonight, on First Dates…

By singleloseragain - 15/12/2022 12:00

Today, I had my first date with a cute older guy. What started as a perfect night ended in tears when we ran into my mom at the drugstore while he was buying us beer and condoms. She gave him a verbal lashing of a lifetime and told him my real age, 17. I'd told him I was 22. FML

I agree, your life sucks 224

You deserved it 4 360

Rookie mistake

By Anonymous - 12/09/2021 02:00 - United States - Steele

Today, after almost a week of my cursor randomly freezing, I'd had enough and was about ready to go out and get a new computer mouse. It wasn't until just now that I realized nothing was wrong with my mouse. It was running on fumes because I forgot to replace the battery. FML

I agree, your life sucks 224

You deserved it 1 062

Sugar Sugar

By WTF - 22/04/2023 06:00 - United States

Today, I learned that the waffle machine at my local hotel has sugar-free bottles of syrup… and that the machine that conveniently dispenses syrup for you which is NOT sugar-free. This is exactly why Americans are stereotyped as being so unhealthy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 223

You deserved it 737

Aromatherapee

By Anonymous - 10/10/2023 17:00

Today, I've been potty training my son and almost all of his clothes have been peed on, but for some reason I thought it would be a good idea to do all the laundry together. When I was getting it out of the dryer, everything smelled like pee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 223

You deserved it 730

Oh, the sinning

By Liliannn - 23/09/2021 08:00

Today, I found out I’m pregnant. This would be joyful news, if the father wasn’t my friend’s soon-to-be husband. I’m one of the bridesmaids at their wedding tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 223

You deserved it 4 623

Crop me out

By Anonymous - 11/08/2023 10:00

Today, after wasting $60 and 3 hours of my time getting my hair dyed to get rid of the ugly orange tint it had from the last time I got my hair dyed, it turned out to be the exact same color I started with. I go on vacation in 6 days and hate my hair. I'm not looking forward to taking pictures, that’s for sure. FML

I agree, your life sucks 223

You deserved it 675

Make it stop!

By Anonymous - 21/04/2024 22:00 - Ireland - Navan

Today, I volunteered to sit in stocks at a fair. Lots of kids pulled off my shoes and socks and tickled my feet for several minutes. I was laughing so hard there were tears. FML

I agree, your life sucks 223

You deserved it 357

Mirror image

By JimmyTheDude - 05/07/2024 22:00 - Ireland - Cork

Today, to save money, I tried following a YouTube tutorial to trim my beard myself. Halfway through, the clippers slipped, and now I have a huge chunk missing in the middle of my chin. I tried to even it out, but it just got worse. Now I look like I lost a fight with a Flymo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 223

You deserved it 368

Cough up

By Anonymous - 06/11/2021 11:00

Today, I dinged my boss's very expensive car. My car wasn’t damaged, so in a panic, I moved my car to another spot and said nothing. Less than an hour later, my boss showed me high definition security footage, so now I either cough up repair money I can’t afford, or I get fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 223

You deserved it 1 937

Out of pocket

By Anonymous - 12/05/2023 00:00 - India - Kannur

Today, I woke up in my boss’s sofa. I was covered in vomit, my head was hurting too much, and the only thing I could remember from the party the day before was that I was holding hands with my boss. I thought the story ended there but turns out I bit him on the neck, not once, not twice, but thrice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 223

You deserved it 1 134

Chilled

By Anonymous - 20/03/2025 00:00 - United States - Seattle

Today, I put on a new shirt and headed out to a café to meet a friend. Halfway through our conversation, I noticed my cat had followed me into the café after somehow making a nest in my bag. I looked down to see her tail sticking out of my purse, wagging like she owned the place. She is tiny, but still… how she managed to stay hidden for more than 10 minutes is beyond me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 223

You deserved it 342

By Anonymous - 09/05/2009 14:48 - United States

Today, I decided I would eat healthy in order to lose weight. Feeling powerful, I threw away all of the icecream in my freezer. An hour later, I picked the icecream carton out of the garbage and ate the entire half-melted carton. FML

I agree, your life sucks 223

You deserved it 470

Doss house

By Dane - 16/04/2022 04:00

Today, I was demoted at my job for sleeping in the store when I'd have a few after closing. Apparently, they would rather have me drive drunk than do the responsible thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 223

You deserved it 1 769

One hand clapping

By Anonymous - 06/01/2026 20:00

Today, I woke up earlier than most days, I spooned my wife, gently massaging her back and letting her feel I was ready for play. She finally woke up, got dressed, and didn’t give a damn. I had to work it out myself once again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 223

You deserved it 304

I'm woke now

By Anonymous - 15/08/2024 00:00

Today, my cat woke me up a few minutes before my alarm, so I got up, had a pee, brushed my teeth, got dressed, went downstairs and fed her, started to make a coffee, and glanced at my phone clock. IT'S ONLY 01:30 IN THE FRICKING MORNING, MY ALARM DOESN’T GO OFF FOR ANOTHER 5 HOURS! DAMN CAT! FML

I agree, your life sucks 223

You deserved it 505

Swiss cheese

By Anonymous - 30/10/2024 16:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my wife is furious at me because she made a memory box for our kids, with objects linked to milestones, silly memories, holidays and so on, and try as I might I couldn’t identify a single damn one of them, except for a paint sampler from the time we repainted the whole house in one weekend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 223

You deserved it 477

Clever

By Anonymous - 15/07/2025 12:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my son got his furniture delivered: one massive, super comfy armchair for him, followed by the lowest, most angular, most uncomfortable sofa I’ve ever sat on. Turns out he did this on purpose so that guests can’t get comfy and are compelled to leave as quickly as possible. Introverted tool. FML

I agree, your life sucks 222

You deserved it 487

What's it to you?

By Anonymous - 29/04/2023 06:00

Today, my mother casually told me she’s been seeing someone for the past 3 months. My dad passed away 2 years ago. They were together for 40 years. Suddenly she had to get off the phone with me because her “guy she’s been talking to” was calling. Hence I’m on the wine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 222

You deserved it 1 194

Three's a crowd

By Bisexual moron - 05/10/2022 08:00

Today, my girlfriend confessed that she cheated on me with my best friend. The best part is that I couldn't tell her a thing, because I actually cheated on her with the same friend before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 222

You deserved it 1 739

Great parenting team goals

By mom05 - 27/11/2023 14:00

Today, I left my four month-old daughter with my boyfriend of three weeks so I could go shopping in peace. I came home four hours later to find her screaming, hungry, with a dirty diaper. When I asked why he didn't do anything to help her, he said, "Why should I? She's not my kid." FML

I agree, your life sucks 222

You deserved it 1 976

You've got mail

By Anonymous - 10/04/2026 22:00 - United States

Today, I got a write up from HR because the new boss says we have to check our e-mail everyday, and I missed checking my e-mail for one single day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 222

You deserved it 372

Life choices

By Anonymous - 09/02/2022 13:59

Today, after I used to look down on my brother for being a nerd, he now creates computer software for a living making megabucks. Meanwhile, I deliver lorry loads of gravel and cement to building sites for minimum wage, one step above breaking rocks for a living. FML

I agree, your life sucks 222

You deserved it 1 887

Cheeky

By Anonymous - 01/01/2026 15:00

Today, I learned that my kids refer to my much older fiancé as my “Emotional support corpse.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 222

You deserved it 424

Flexing

By Bastard - 20/07/2026 09:00 - United States

Today, my ex told me that he'd spent $5k on a "VIP Pass" for some kind of music festival next year. My son and I live in poverty and barely squeak by, and this bastard would rather be a rich festival bro than help. He's 36, why the fuck does he want to go to festivals now anyway? FML

I agree, your life sucks 222

You deserved it 421

So frustrating!

By Anonymous - 17/02/2024 09:00 - Germany

Today, I left my phone on the roof of my car after pumping gas. I drove off, and it wasn't until I heard a thud that I realized what had happened. Now my phone has a gash in the screen, and it's receiving angry texts from my girlfriend that I can't answer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 222

You deserved it 472

Don't hate the player

By JARRD - 05/11/2021 17:00

Today, what was supposed to be a confession of feelings and a 'one night stand, never talk about this again' with my best friend of 13 years turned out to be a positive pregnancy test from her. My wife is not gonna be happy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 222

You deserved it 4 402

Classic blunder

By Anonymous - 07/03/2024 22:00 - Australia

Today, I had to temporarily remove the drain pipe under the sink. I absentmindedly poured the stinky water from the trap into the now drainless sink, and flooded the cupboard I was working in with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 222

You deserved it 551

Close knit

By Anonymous - 01/03/2025 09:00 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, I was at a family gathering when my aunt drunkenly confessed that she had once dated my dad in high school. Everyone laughed, thinking it was a joke. I didn’t laugh. I just stared at her for 10 minutes, processing how our family tree had now become a circle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 221

You deserved it 297

Roomies

By Anonymous - 14/02/2024 06:00 - Austria - Vienna

Today, after months of searching, I finally found a flat that is affordable and with amazing flatmates. The catch? I'm developing feelings for one of them. My heart sinks when they have a date over. I'm also in a relationship. The situation is eating me up inside. I hate that I'll have to go. Cupid, go f*ck yourself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 221

You deserved it 694

Respect her boundaries

By Kathy04 - 22/12/2024 15:00 - United Kingdom - Swansea

Today, I finally convinced my shy new cat to come out from under the bed and hang out with me on the couch. I felt like a true cat whisperer until, in the middle of petting her, she jumped up, knocked over my mug, and spilled hot cocoa all over my book. She then looked at me as if I was the one who messed up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 221

You deserved it 324

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The Top

Today, I went to class to take an important final for which I studied all week long and worked hard in class. Today, the teacher also told us that anyone who had an A did not have to take the final. I missed out on a trip to the Bahamas for this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 829

You deserved it 3 483

Today, my brother saw my side when my shirt came up, and asked when I got a tattoo; the pink he saw was in fact my stretch marks. Worst of all, I had to show them to everyone to prove I didn't actually get a tattoo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 729

You deserved it 3 063

Today, I was walking past a homeless guy while smoking; he asked if he could have a cigarette. So I gave him one and said without thinking, "Sorry, it’s a menthol, but beggars can't be choosers." FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 605

You deserved it 28 494

Today, after 2 years together, my boyfriend finally proposed. I excitedly said yes. Just as we began to kiss, my half crazed cat ran in, dropped a half eaten bird at our feet, and promptly threw up on the carpet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 013

You deserved it 5 267

Today, I have scratched both my ankles so hard and for so long that they started bleeding, and they still itch. I have no idea what I’m allergic to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 449

You deserved it 123

Today, I had an interview for a job I’ve dreamt about. I sat down in the lobby and spilled coffee on my crotch. I tried to dry it in the toilet, which made it look like I’d pissed myself. When I entered his office, the HR guy glanced down and said, “Long morning?” I panicked and replied, “No, just excited to be here.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 327

You deserved it 136