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The all-time greatest FMLs

Murder scene

By Anonymous - 11/03/2024 09:00 - United Kingdom - Greenwich

Today, I saw two crows in a park using their beaks to kiss each other. A fucking crow gets more action than I do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 218

You deserved it 358

Vaguepost

By Anonymous - 25/03/2025 12:00 - United States - Miami

Today, I’m about to lose my marbles. I can’t speak up because I need to keep the peace, but if I don’t it’s gonna enrage me to the point where I explode, so I’m essentially teetering on a wall with shit on one side and fire on the other. FML. Just FML. FML

I agree, your life sucks 218

You deserved it 292

Paranoid

By Anonymous - 11/01/2024 00:00 - United States - Staten Island

Today, I'm thoroughly convinced that my ex is lying about being in new relationships so she can burrow her way into my head/get my attention. Only problem is, we're in the same social circle, and if I call her on it, I'll look like a jealous idiot and my friends won't back me up. I just want these games to end. FML

I agree, your life sucks 218

You deserved it 561

Quandary

By Anonymous - 10/09/2023 00:02 - Singapore

Today, after my boyfriend left me a few months ago, I'd accepted him back because I wanted to work things out. However, now the pain I had to go through is making me lose sleep, interest, and my self-respect. Ugh! FML

I agree, your life sucks 218

You deserved it 691

Gloom and doom

By FTheWorld - 01/07/2026 20:00 - Germany

Today, there's a huge heat wave, all because corporations were reckless and accelerated climate change. Now, more people are buying more air conditioners, further worsening the climate crisis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 218

You deserved it 450

The pits

By BFF4L - 12/02/2024 22:00 - Canada

Today, I was running late for work and grabbed what I thought was my deodorant. Turns out, it was my husband's foot spray. Now I'm at the office smelling like a combination of roses and athlete's foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 218

You deserved it 371

Ironic

By Anonymous - 05/02/2023 10:00

Today, I dropped my phone in the toilet. Now I know why they call it 'smart' phone; it's smarter than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 218

You deserved it 612

Birds of a feather

By Anonymous - 08/08/2026 09:00 - United States - Tampa

Today, my husband went to grab a DoorDash order while I decided to gift some cigarettes, some leftover pizza from lunch, and a few dollars to a sweet traveler. As I got back into the car, my husband said, "I was about to say 'Look a the homeless congregation', then I realized it was you and that lady." FML

I agree, your life sucks 218

You deserved it 96

Wrong place, wrong time

By Anonymous - 12/04/2025 20:00 - South Africa - Pretoria

Today, I slept with a best friend after 32 years of him trying. He is visiting from overseas. I just found out he's had a girlfriend for 17 years, who he forgot to mention, and I’m kind of in love already. FML

I agree, your life sucks 218

You deserved it 430

Trickster

By Anonymous - 14/07/2026 15:00 - United Kingdom - Bath

Today, at an annual summer family event, I showed my family a magic trick I'd practiced for weeks. The grand finale involved making a coin disappear. Instead, I launched it into my uncle's soup. He digged it out with his spoon, then looked at me and asked if it was for keeps. FML

I agree, your life sucks 218

You deserved it 190

Cross examination

By don't know what to feel - 11/08/2026 00:00 - United States - New York

Today, my husband told me the hottest thing I'd ever done was when he pranked me, saying he was in legal trouble, and I told him what to do to stay out of jail. As he put it, I'm "a sexy Saul Goodman." FML

I agree, your life sucks 217

You deserved it 110

Never be that atheist debate-lord Andy

By Aaaaaaaaaa - 08/09/2022 20:00

Today, I was ranting about creationists, when a friend interrupted me. He managed to mount a defense of creationism that I couldn't argue with. I got so flustered, I punched him in the face and ran away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 217

You deserved it 1 821

Make it stop

By Christ on.a bike - 21/12/2025 15:00

Today, I wore my Christmas sweater to work, one with lights sewn into it. Halfway through a meeting, they started flashing uncontrollably and playing tinny carols. I couldn’t turn them off. I had to go shove the whole sweater into a locker in the basement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 217

You deserved it 316

Naughty boy

By Stevie - 17/08/2025 22:00 - United States - Boston

Today, I had a date over for the first time. Everything was going well until my dog decided to wedge himself between us on the couch, growl at my date, and then pee on his shoes. My date laughed it off, but my dog seemed to be giving me a smug “I warned you” look for the rest of the night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 217

You deserved it 262

Mr Loverman

By Anonymous - 12/01/2023 10:00

Today, after my wife broke my heart years ago when she cheated, I then met my sexual ying, and developed a napalm relationship, but she lost her marriage and relies on me for everything. So now I have FOUR human beings relying on me. Nobody should say anything but I deserved it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 217

You deserved it 1 619

The void

By Anonymous - 22/12/2024 12:00 - United States

Today, I was trying to flirt with someone in a small bar. I thought they'd smiled at me, so I smiled back. Turns out, they were smiling at their phone screen. I just awkwardly sat there, smiling into the void. FML

I agree, your life sucks 217

You deserved it 302

Hang in there

By Anonymous - 07/04/2024 22:00 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I realized I’m so often high that being sober no longer feels "normal" to me. I don’t know any other way to cope with my emotions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 216

You deserved it 587

Chick magnet

By Anonymous - 23/02/2024 12:00 - United States

Today, my girlfriend left town for a month to visit family. Meanwhile, the young woman I hired at my restaurant just got back from vacation with her natural hair color restored. It’s the same color as my girlfriend’s hair, and she made a pass at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 216

You deserved it 499

Brain worms

By Derp - 05/02/2023 06:00 - United States

Today, I was trying to scratch off an Xbox gift card. When I started, I heard knocking. I opened the door. No one was there. I went back to scratching the card. Knocking again. No one there. This repeated until the fifth time, when I realized it was my rocking the desk with the repetitive movement of my arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 216

You deserved it 894

Not so slinky

By BarneyRubble - 13/07/2025 15:00 - Ireland

Today, I managed to lock myself out of my house again. My only option was crawling through the dog door. I managed it once before, but I must've put on weight because this time I got stuck halfway. My neighbour came over to “see if everything was OK.” He then helped push me through. FML

I agree, your life sucks 216

You deserved it 407

The scene

By Goober - 05/06/2023 06:00

Today, I found a curly hair in my fries at a restaurant. It was disgusting, so I screamed at my waiter. To my surprise, they kicked me out of the restaurant for, "making a scene". They wouldn’t even replace my fries. When did the customer stop being right? FML

I agree, your life sucks 216

You deserved it 3 366

Coffeehouse Blues

By Bill - 29/12/2023 22:00 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, I bought myself my first gaming PC for Christmas. After two hours of setting it up, I proceeded to spill a full cup of coffee in to it and slowly watched it die. I'm an electronic technician so I knew better then to have my coffee anywhere near it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 216

You deserved it 803

Freeride

By Anonymous - 22/04/2023 12:00 - United States - Collegeville

Today, my crush and I went longboarding, because she’s into it and I told her I was too. I’d never set foot on a longboard, but I figured I’d wing it and pray for the best. Long story short, I ended up with a broken arm and a concussion. Bad decisions, man. They suck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 216

You deserved it 1 286

You tried…

By Trapfail - 09/08/2021 04:01

Today, I claimed I was pregnant to get back at my ex and the girl he cheated on me with. I tagged him in my "ultrasound" pic, saying it was his baby, hoping she would dump him. Turns out there’s this thing called "reverse image search" and he posted the Google page where I got the ultrasound from. FML

I agree, your life sucks 216

You deserved it 7 903

Unrequited

By Cannneverwinsmh - 30/09/2025 15:00

Today, I once again listened as the girl I've loved for the past three years ranted about how she’s gonna be single forever and give up on dating. She asked, “Isn’t there one guy out there, just ONE GUY who will love me and cherish me?” When I brought up that I, once again, would love to do so, she rejected me; AGAIN. FML

I agree, your life sucks 216

You deserved it 612

Check these out

By Kylie - 07/06/2024 06:00 - United States

Today, I got all the way until after lunch before I realized my new pants were basically leggings, and that you could see my pink thong through them. I was in a training with a bunch of the guys that work the production floor, and I’m pretty sure they noticed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 216

You deserved it 515

Wonky fear

By mala_19 - 27/08/2023 08:00 - Sweden - Burea

Today, I saw a spider. My two year-old knows that I'm afraid of them, but in an attempt to not pass my phobia onto him, I said it was a piece of dirt. Now he thinks that I'm afraid of dirt. I did not think this through. FML

I agree, your life sucks 216

You deserved it 644

Little cutie

By Anonymous - 06/09/2023 22:00 - Germany

Today, I recommend that you think twice about whether you want your little cutie playing with your apron strings while you cook. Especially if your little cutie is of the kind equipped with claws. FML

I agree, your life sucks 216

You deserved it 571

Foot soldiers unite

By Anonymous - 06/05/2023 15:00

Today, I wore a new pair of shoes to work and spent the entire day hobbling around in discomfort. It wasn't until I got home that I realized I had forgotten to take remnants of the packing foam out of the tips of the shoes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 215

You deserved it 1 138

McSteamy

By Anonymous - 07/11/2021 11:00

Today, I illicitly borrowed my dad's car to go to the store, but crashed into my mom's car as she and dad were returning from my grandma's house. Both cars are totalled, my mom is in hospital with a broken collarbone, and I realised dads really can make steam come out their ears if they’re really mad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 215

You deserved it 2 245

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The Top

Today, I used the restroom at a mall. I thought I was alone, so I started singing. When I got out of the stall, there were men staring at me. Not only did I embarrass myself with my own singing, I'd accidentally used the men's restroom too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 804

You deserved it 23 786

Today, my dad's recycling went out of control. He now keeps a calendar of my periods, just to remind me to recycle the cardboard from my tampons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 696

You deserved it 2 026

Today, I went to an interview for a job I really wanted and am qualified for. I've been looking for months. This job was perfect; close to home and great pay. Needless to say I spent quite a while preparing. Everything was going great until I had to sneeze, which forced out a loud, long fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 057

You deserved it 4 209

Today, I went to the ER as I have an ulcer and I was exhibiting signs of a perforation. This is when the gorgeous doctor told me he had to stick his finger up my butt to check for rectal bleeding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 295

You deserved it 411

Today, both my mom and I are very ill, while her boyfriend is perfectly fine. Somehow, this means that I’m the one having to take care of my mom, myself, the household and 6 pets, while he does nothing, goes on trips and leaves dirt all over the house when he’s here. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 036

You deserved it 149

Today, one of my best friends, someone I considered family, and whose kid I see as my nephew, picked a piece of shit dude she’s been seeing for 3 months over me. And no, I didn’t make her choose. He decided to be an ass to me and when I wasn’t OK with it, she just let him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 827

You deserved it 194