Today, my girlfriend is pregnant, grumpy, bad tempered, argumentative, indecisive, violent, vicious, insulting, and dismissive. I mean, she was all those things anyway even before getting pregnant, so really nothing's changed except she has a belly now. I only stick around for the baby. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my girlfriend blew up at me for a comment I had made several weeks ago about not wanting kids. Then, she told me that she's pregnant. After consoling her and telling her that whatever we do, we'll do it together, she further explained that she's not sure if it's mine. FML
Today, the soon-to-be father of my baby told me he thinks I'm an extremely selfish person, and that I don't love him. His reasoning? I haven't given him a back rub in two weeks, sleep too much, and have a hormonal problem. Once again: I AM PREGNANT! FML
Today, I found out that my girlfriend is four months pregnant. She can't wait for us to be parents. I guess she forgot that I haven't seen her in 7 months. FML
Today, it’s been four and a half months that my wife is pregnant. It’s been a long and hard process, but we made it. Now she says she hates it, she can’t stop thinking about how her life, body, and identity got ruined, and how she wishes she was dead. I'm a simple man. I was happy. FML
Today, I saw my girlfriend after 10 months of being away. She was pregnant. She actually had the brass balls to tell me I needed to "Man up and be this child's father." Get the fuck out, you cheating whore. FML
Today, I had to fake enthusiasm when my girlfriend told me she's pregnant. She has a nasty streak and I was planning to break up with her, but if I left her now everyone would think I’m the bad guy. I actually think she’s capable of killing me if she gets angry enough. FML
Today, after my girlfriend of a year got accidentally pregnant, we were discussing it, and she only just now revealed she thinks vaccines are an evil conspiracy between hospitals and drug companies, and she’s carrying my baby. The next 18 years with this mad woman are not going to go well. FML
Today, after telling me his other girlfriend is pregnant, my boyfriend said we should stay together so I could help out with the baby. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me she was pregnant. She also said I'm going to be an uncle. FML
Today, and since forever, my boyfriend has a twin brother. His girlfriend is now pregnant and he was ecstatic. I'm also pregnant but my boyfriend is acting like it’s the end of the world, and has been either drunk or hungover since I told him. So much for twins being alike. FML
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Top comments
Anderling 33
Maybe it's just me, but... why were you even with her in the first place if you clearly seem to hate her so much?
Crowned Sataness 12
you stuck around long enough to get her knocked AND got her knocked so ydi.
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Comments (6)
Anderling 33
Maybe it's just me, but... why were you even with her in the first place if you clearly seem to hate her so much?
Crowned Sataness 12
you stuck around long enough to get her knocked AND got her knocked so ydi.
core01 30
you should've wrapped your willy, idiot
RichardPencil 32
The offspring of a rage-aholic and a simp never turns out well. You should leave if she'll let you.
poopface82 25
They do if they get a divorce and the simp gets custody.
Rake 18
You stayed before, and now you blame the poor baby? Separate now, sue for custody, and let the kid grow in a normal loving environment
Taurus_ChicKa 37
And you intentionally had sex with this psycho? Without protection? YDI... It'll only get worse from here, trust me.